Other Craptions

Previously on LOST...

Behold, the Earth's first pubic hair!

Here lies Salvador Dali.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints. Other times there were one set of footprints. And then sometimes there was a giant bronze sperm monster. Well played, Lord.

If you're on LSD, this looks absolutely straight.

Ironically, this is on a Brazilian beach.

That's totally Photoshopped. No one REALLY has a red camera.

Even black sperm is bigger.

Excuse me, you haven't seen a giant ovum around here, have you?

Beaches get so awkward when they begin puberty

And on the 8th day, the Lord installed a pull-and-speak cord on the Earth, and He was pleased by it.

Jack was saddened he didn't make it home with the magic beans.

I call it... "Sperm".

"Ah, Luke Skywalker! Now you see that your childhood teatherball is Frozen in Carbonite!! MUAHAHA!!"

While strolling the beach after the big debate, one of Senator Biden's hair plugs fell out.

Again, the first one of you to mention the Large Hadron Collider is getting kicked square in the nuts.

When the water level reaches the top, then it's time to do something about global warming.

It's a scientific fact that hair continues to grow after death.

No wonder the robot ants were trying to steal a car yesterday.

In person, The Eye of Sauron wasn't all that impressive.

When Paris Hilton saw this on cracked, she immediately thought, "Hmm. . I could fuck that!"

YOU FINALLY DID IT! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

It's headed to Uranus!!

The remake of Planet of the Apes makes no sense at all

There's something cliche about a man taking a picture of a man taking a picture of a giant metal sperm, but that's modern photography for ya.

Cthulu may sleep in Rl'yeh, but he shits in Maui.

Zy-goatse?

When Clay's friends said he was as "straight" as the sculpture on the beach he felt like they didn't know, until he saw the "absolutely fabulous sculpture oh my goodness honey.....

SANDWORM!!!

Up periscope!

Something ELSE the US Government should spraypaint 'WTF' on.

Mu'ad Dib calls a beachworm in this scene from Frank Herbert's "Surf".

Seconds later, millions more exploded from under Steve's feet.

From the top Sarah Palin can see Russia.

Oh Great Chocolate Orb! Pour down your cocoalicious blessings upon me, your willing supplicant!

Pictured: Swizzle Stick. Not Pictured: The giant martini glass and the giant olive.

A monument to Lexington Steele.

My other ride is a wiggling stripper pole.

"You blew it up! Damn you all to hell!"

Pirates of the Caribbean: Black Man's Cock

The beachcomber wanted to get some of this action, but the damn thing just wouldn't stay still for him to mount it.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (The anal Bead to end ALL anal beads)

It's best not to confront your tapeworm.

Those Hollywood actresses are really getting out of hand losing all that weight!

Where will you be when diarrhea strikes?

That's no sperm whale, but that's a whale of a sperm!

Brass balls begets brass sperm.

The alien from Xylon was disappointed that the Earthling was confused instead of terrified of his majestic presence.

when the green flag is flying, its safe to enter the water. when the yellow flag is up, enter with caution. when the bronze sqiggly pole is up, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE WATER!!!!!!