Other Craptions

"God, I know it's kinda racist but I'm so tired of hearing that horrible quadruple-red-dick monster music downtown.." "Uh.. dude..." "There's one right behind me isn't there?"

"Ok, now listen up. When we release these things, they're gonna be confused and angry..."

We're gonna need a bigger float.

"That's right, but they never attack the same place twice. They're testing the net for weaknesses, systematically. They remember."

I won this at the ring toss, I don't know how they expect you to get it home though.

Finally, Barney has been captured and will be destroyed.

Fuck you. They were on sale.

Draglining kills thousands of balloon floats every year that become entangled in the nets.

"The day for rejoicification has come, for I have captured the terrorists." -George W. Bush

They're taking this Verizon network metaphor a bit too far...

I'll say it again, Ma'am...you can't bring your giant red puppy into the city until you have a propotionately sized poop bag.

Need I remind you all that if just one of these things blows, we'll be unleashing an epidemic of squeaky voices all over this city, the likes of which no man could imagine.

Chtlulu was easier to harness than previously thought.

"Draw it into the hot gates, where it's giant phallus will count for NOTHING!!!"

HE STOLE MY BALLOONS! Why didn't somebody tell me he had one of those.....THINGS?!?

A viral campaign has been launched to promote the sequel to Cloverfield, Cloverfield 2: Balloons attack. Although a more realistic scenario than the first movie, only 4 elderly women showed up for auditions.

Seriously.. its behind you.

"Yeah, Bessie here behind me is pretty docile... But that yellow bastard down there? You gotta watch him. He's a mean mother."

"Why did you four bitches trap KoolAid!?" "OH YEAH!"

Wait until J. Jonah hears about this.

On my signal.... unleash Hell!

Even though Dora the Explorer was safely captured, fear lingered in the air. They knew Snoopy couldn't be far behind

It was never easy when the vet came to put down the aging balloon animals.

All right people, I've received some sad news. The San Diego Chicken's Luxury Auto Sales gig went long. He's not going to make it this year.

"Operation: Big Red is a success. Clifford has been subdued. Repeat, Clifford has been subdued.

We're with NASA... we just had a few taxpayer dollars left over and thought "what the hell... lets get some balloons."

Breaking News: A group of hardcore Hillary supporters have captured Obama's ego, and are holding it ransom until certain changes are made to the Democratic ticket. Details pending...

...and if Michael Jackson takes the bait, we'll finally have that bastard!!

"You filled it with WHAT?!?!?" "Eh....Helium, hydrogen, what's the fucking difference? It floats, don't it?"

OH MY GOD........Is that a sycamore tree in the background?

Tour Guide: "Well, this is momentus folks. It seems a balloon is about to be born. We can see it try to force its way through the amneotic sac. Now we should probably step back because this is going to be really messy, people."

"Excuse me sir, you have a leg sticking out of your back. Gross."

To keep the monster at bay, the government employed the most feared lunch ladies this town has ever seen.

"I know it's just a balloon, but it really seems to WANT out... I'll tell you one thing - if it successfully removes that net, I'M running like hell!!!"

"HEY KID! We wet the bed just like YOU!"

"Back home we got taxidermy man...he gonna have a heart attack when he see what I brung him - ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa!."

The 504 Ballon Wrangler's Union goes on strike after hearing their dental coverage AND free Orange Julius coupons had been discontinued.

The wacky car chase will crash through here aaaaaany second now...

I just LOVE it when the cartoon balloons return to Capistrano.

I thought I'd seen everything, but a giant sex toy in fishnet... yeah, that's a new one.

Harry Potter and the Magical Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade wasnt exactly the hit movie they thought it would be.

This is the last time I answer a personals ad on Craigslist.

"Wait, you aren't a tall man. You're just two kids on top of each other. Why you little rascals."

New to Hogwart's this year...The Secret to Parade Float Mastery

"I'm not even supposed to be here today!"

So there we were, Thanksgiving Day, waiting the parade, when suddenly we see this giant "Underdog" come flying down the street, ready to rain devastation of a vulnerable public. We knew we had to act quickly...

"Hi kid! Would you like to join us in worshipping Satan tonight?"

The Ghostbusters' back up plan against Sta-Puft.

Yeah, we catch our own balloons.