Other Craptions

Today on "This Old House," we'll be discussing the right way and the wrong way to hide a dead family member in the floorboards.

Thank God I was masturbating or I would have fallen all the way through.

Joey decided to hang himself in the attic so no one would notice, but he overestimated how much rope he would need.

Julie stared in disbelief. Those were the brown shoes that killed her father.

It's...well...LEAKING men anyway.

Hey, give me THAT much coke and I'll go through the ceiling too!

"Dad, I'm pregnant"

Not pictured: an unfortunately placed metal support beam

Long story short, don't tell your telepathic wife that she bitches just like her mother.

It's not a traditional chandelier, but it's not without it's charm...

"There's your problem."

Not pictured: a guy who knows what he's doing.

Put down the camera and HELP ME dude. This is no time to be thinking of craptions!

Meanwhile, upstairs... the mice cheered and began phase two of their diabolical plan.

Then Santa said "Who moved the F^%$king chimney from last year?"

"There's a crunch-berry under the fridge."

A helpless Katie Holmes looks on, wishing Tom Cruise would stop allowing John Travolta to be on top.

Damn you, Superman! This is why we can't have nice things!

The worst kind of diarrhea. White Diarrhea.

Screenshot from "Portal 2"

Louis Lane considers a divorce..

So that's what that crazy Realtor meant when he said something about the 5th dimension

Red Bull got sued big time after this...

During Henry's moment of vulnerability, Sara realised it was the perfect time.. to tickle.

"HONEY! I found the REMOTE!"

Voice heard from upstairs: "Oh my God, where are my legs! I can't see my legs!"

HOLY CRAP!!!! We have an upstairs!!!!

It was then that Dr. Villarreal knew that his years of work on anti-gravity pants had not been in vain.

There's hanging tits in the kitchen

Masturbation loses it's fun when you know at some point you'll be using a hammer and a hoover.

Stella stared in disbelief. Jack had been right about the rapture but sadly wrong about it giving him the power to pass through plaster.

After this, Santa Entered Rehab.

Room 1408

It took Inspector Gadget a few months to get used to his go-go-gadget-legs.

Coming out of the attic, it's not as easy as coming out of the closet but theres waaay more DRAMAAA

Tim never did have a good grasp of this gravity thing.

Well...you've done it again.

Mary couldn't quite put her finger on it, but there was definitely something odd about her new chandelier.

Unstable you say?

It's amazing the things that people will do to make their homes standout in this sluggish real estate market.

This wouldn't have happened if a WOMAN was doing that job!

Don't Drink and Fly

It's raining crack and Doug.

Santa??

I love this episode of According To Jim! This is the one where Jim fucks something up and his wife gets pissed at him!

After jumping through the black hole in his living room ceiling, Bill now found himself in a state of suspended reality

She sighed. SOMEBODY had been playing too much Portal...

Stupid modern art.

What hurricane Gustav lacked in intensity, it made up for in Stooges-style hilarity.