Other Craptions

White People: Stealing young Black men since the 1600's.

It's about time, Cracked! I've been patiently waiting for my chance to write a craption that's both racist AND homophobic.

The latest in child protection technology! Turn those pesky perverts into stone with our magical coat of many colors!

MMM...Taste the rainbow.

As a kid, Barack Obama had a recurring nightmare. Forty years later, it would all come true.

Darrell's family thought the "SCARED STRAIGHT" program was going to focus more on the "STRAIGHT" part and less on ghosts and such.

Hilary Clinton discovers time travel, and decides to meet a young Barack to "take him for a ride".

In his later years, the Silver Surfer's actions became a tad bit... questionable.

Leap frog: fun for Bea Arthur, not so much for the little kid.

Color-absorbing Children: the menace continues.

In Neverland you must be this tall to ride Michael

Jesse Jackson's fear of the white man began at an early age.

Young Billy gets his picture taken at the pedophile memorial

The Gods told him it would come to this. He tried to avoid it. He thought he could do differently. But only after the sacrifice of a small black child would Vanilla Ice's metamorphosis be complete.

Sure the kid is frozen in time forever but the Pompei volcano prevented a brutal ass rape.

The Diff'rent Strokes Memorial remains among Hollywood's least visited tourist stops.

The legends were true. The marsh really was haunted by the ghost of Ann B. Davis!

NO..No...I didn't mean colored like that.....you don't need to tell your dad....want a dollar?

Ok, you block me while I take a shit in these bushes.

Undeadophile

I want that shirt! Give me that shirt!

In africa, wild pedophiles are a daily risk for youngsters on the savannah...

Shhh... you had me at "MOMMY, HELP! SOME CREEP IS TOUCHING ME!"

"Please. Don't go. I MUST learn your tanning secrets."

Must... resist... Michael Jackson joke.

An adult grabbing a kid! Place your bets on the number of Michael Jackson related craptions! I will start with at least 58...

Find at least eight things that are wrong with this conga line!

Mascot of the KKK theme park.

Barak Obama turns from his white heritage at an early age.

In the final Harry Potter, Voldemort wanted it and didn't care how he got it.

Michelangelo's "Dahmer" never achieved the level of acclaim as his "Statue of David"

Sean Penn's astral travels always ended the same way: small children and disappointment.

Alone, aging, helmetless, and one more than his share of antidepressants, the Tin Man had resorted to popping out of the forest at opportune moments to stave off his horrible hunger.

Ebenezer Scrooge tried to make it "The most psychologically-damaging Kwanzaa ever".

Sharon Stone eats another helpless child.

Oh, sweet!! The Boondocks is on!

Republican fantasies about how they will win the 2008 elections are becoming increasingly disturbing.

Leroy was about to learn how white America screwed the blacks.

You know what who I thought of when I saw this Craption. Michael 'Touched Some Children' Jackson. Unfortunately, so did everyone else.

... and in movie news, the prequel to last year's blockbuster I Am Legend has begun filming...

In a twist of cruel irony, in mid warning, Mrs. Doubtfire also made the mistake of looking into the eyes of the Medusa.

Thats a nice shirt you have there....FOR ME TO POOP ON!

Barack Obama's encounter with Gov. Ronald Reagan would prove to be a driving force in his life.

"SAVE YOURSELF!" Francis screamed as the bush monster devoured her whole.

The ghost had promised him some candy bars and a soda. Instead what young Winston Zedmore got was a twisted hatred of the undead that would carry over well into his adult hood.

NAMBLA, grabbing them while their young.

It turned out all the mimes were just another racist cult

Son, may I borrow some flava?

Thank you, boy, for helping me shit in the woods.