Other Craptions

OK honey, now open your eyes.

Tim didn't have a high sperm count, but proved the old maxim that it's quality, not quantity, that matters.

Soon, she too will desolve into nothing but her breast implants.

When het gets to feeling lonely, Aquaman often sends his "sea friends" to fetch him a woman.

Are you Gellin?

And then for no reason at all... Her right hand switched places with her foot.

Having not been told it was an animated film, Ellen DeGeneres regretted the research she did for her role in "Finding Nemo".

Though it was only a couple of feet behind her and floating on the surface, Suzy failed to find her diaphragm.

This is why you should wait an hour after eating to swim.

Unlike the so-called "intelligent" dolphins, jellyfish had no trouble with the concept of "grab them titties."

The super secret ending to the new Metroid game took many people by suprise

"I've got their attention! Now quick, throw me the peanut butter!"

Seems those jellyfish have watched WAY too much Japanese porn...

With Wal-mart bags, syringes, tampons and bacteria polluting Jersey's beaches no one was much surprised when crack whores were added to the pollutant list.

a little known fact about jelly-fish is they are undeniably attracked to fish scents in the water.

True to form, the only winners of the 2008 Darwin Summer Olympics were those smart enough not to participate in the events.

Every year swimmers wait for the silicon breast implants to return to Capistrano.

"so i was thinking we would do then den in green" "HONEY GET OUT OF THE WATER!" "or maybe a nice mauve" "THERE'S JELLY FISH ALL AROUND YOU!" "or maybe blue, are you even listening tim?!"

Somewhere (probably in Japan), someone is jerking off to this picture.

The latest fetish to sweep the porn industry: Jellyfish Bukkake

Even with all the medical waste, Jill felt that California's beaches were still awesome.

"After the Wonton Soup Pool, I'm going to the Lo Mein Slip and Slide!"

This is why you should never fart in the water. Everyone will know.

Sharon turned away in disgust. There was a condom in the water.

You basically experience two sensations when you swim with jellyfish - floating and pain. but mostly pain.

Can't afford to swim with dolphins? Let amporphous blobs sting the fuck out of you instead.

The coach's policy of grouping swimmers according to intelligence always left Betty feeling slightly ashamed.

Unhampered by brains or social stigma, jellyfish make no bones about their attraction to a fine set of tits.

the last time Tracy had been surrounded by this many wrinkly pink sacks at once was that drunken night at Spring break

Sheila never expected the attack of Mr. Bubble and The Scrubbing Bubbles.

The Hulk's corrosive urine continued to do its work, and Jane's left arm separated from her shoulder. Now she was just a torso and a flailing right arm.

Yeah, at first it hurts like a motherfucker, but after 30 or so stings a kind of euphoria sets in and it actually becomes rather enjoyable.

"Oh, you meant 'Sea Men'!"

Swimming with Hellen Keller lasted only one episode, but WHAT AN EPISODE

The Princess enjoys a day in Mario's pool.

Move over polar bear club, there's a new group of dumbasses in town.

Spielberg eventually made the decision that a movie about a killer shark would be more entertaining than a swarm of jellyfish

A wave of embarrassment swept over her. She had farted, and there was no hiding this one.

They may not have a penis... or a spine... or a brain for that matter... but DAMN do they get her off.

Steve Irwin's wife wasn't very smart either.

Sharon realised too late that "Jellyfish Cove" wasn't just a cute name.

Sarah was relieved to realize that these weren't the kind of jellyfish that stung. Sadly, when coming out of the water she was hit in the head by a diving, and severely cross-eyed pelican and died instantly.

It was at this point the Nintendo Marketing team realised that their live reenactment of Super Mario Bros. world 2-2 was a bad idea.

On the next episode of "Deadliest Catch": As they pulled the first pot it looks as if the "D" cup season is going to be a good one.

Few people ever get to see the inside of a real septic tank. But Janine wasn't just anyone.

She is going to need R Kelly to help her get rid of that sting

Thank god she was playing Marco Polo with R Kelly. REMIX BITCHES!!!!

The best thing about being quadriplegic and swimming? You won't feel the jellyfish stinging you. The worst? You'll fucking drown.

'Swimming With Jellyfish, The Nancy Pelosi Story,' hits the bookstores Monday morning.