Other Craptions

Some pundits have accused the Pentagon of taking the term 'infantry' a little too literally.

George S. Patton Jr. Jr. retires gracefully from the field of battle after slapping his nanny and calling her a coward.

Fucking Democrats. I see them over there.

"Someday they will float a statue of me downriver on a barge..."

Preparing for McCain's 100 years in Iraq.

Stanley Kubrick's "Full Metal Diaper"

We will fight them at the beaches. We will fight them at the playpen.

Is it just me or is Carlos Mencia the biggest duche bag ever. What the hell cracked?

His patriotic focus never wavered, even while taking a dump.

Using his amazing mental abilities, Baby-Soldier tries to blow up the protesters across the street.

McCain starts early. Here is a rare photopraph taken during the first Punic War. He was later quoted as calling the people of Carthage, "poopy heads."

No, Baby Eisenhower. You salute to no man, for no man is your better.

Even back in kindergarten, it was easy to spot which of the little girls was Hillary.

No, Billy. We salute YOU for wearing your seat belt.

Parents assassinated! Mission accomplished, SIR!!

Three horrible things are apparent. 1.That some dickbag company actually makes toddler sized military clothes. 2. Some asshat parents actually bought them and 3. This is best I have to do with my free time.

Little Johnny eagerly searched the monument for his grandfather's name before realizing he couldn't read.

SHIN-NIN-NIN-NIN-NIN!!! NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!!!! BOW-BOW-BOW-BOW!!! Stand back Mother!! I'm having a telekinetic battle of the mind!!!

Search as he might, he still could not find his large statue of Lenin.

Well, if they let women in...

"For those about to poop their pants, I salute you."

Sgt. Gerber returns home after nine months in a forced labor camp.

I've had it up to here with being pushed around!

I SEE DEAD PEOPLE.....

Putin's new military will be ready for combat... right after their nap.

From the new Fisher-Price blockbuster, "Burping Private Ryan".

The suicide bomber that killed this soldier was even youger. Yeah, that was a political joke with two dead babies, so forget about the politics and have a nice laugh.

"I'm a little teapot..."

We must confound the Gerries at every turn.

Although the details are still classified to this day any urge to inquire about his missions are usually quashed by his thousand yard stare.

The Caulkin family's latest meal ticket

For god and country and duckies.

A new recruit in the "don't ask, don't smell" drive.

The sole survivor of Baby Company, 2nd Battalion. The rest were tragically mowed down by enemy fire while storming the beach when they all stopped to poke at a washed up jellyfish with sticks.

Yuri was pleased. His plan to get Cracked readers to insult Bush, McCain and Americans by wearing a RUSSIAN uniform succeeded.

The result of combining Gerber's Strained Hellfire Jalepenos with Freudian toilet training theory was a frightening surge in right wing baby behavior.

Little Joey would always remember the friends he lost at the Battle of Fisher-Price.

Dammit, there has to be SOMEONE who works for child services here..

"Corporal Strongbow had it all. The fame, the women. Until one day he entered time portal and became.. a baby. Introducing Rob Schneider in 'Das booties'"

"Al, ask Ziggy what this thing on my head is."

Even at this young age, R. Lee Ermey was not someone you'd want to fuck with.

Just about everyone agreed that General Bobby's decision to declare war on Australia wasn't necessary, but nobody could say no to that face.

No matter how successful he was on the battlefield, Trevor couldn't overcome his Napoleonic complex.

DO CAHNT HANWDLE DA TUTH!

Years later in intensive therapy Jimmy would admit that he had an intense fetish involving bacon. But he had no idea where it came from.

General Diaper Rash saluting his troops of the 5th Stroller Batallion

Little deaf Timmy's sign for "I shit my pants" was so patriotic his parents saw little choice but to play along.

One last salutation before pulling the strap that will make his diaper blow to a million nasty pieces.

"I am sick up to here with this shit!"