Other Craptions

In Texas everying is bigger, In Iowa everything is just fucking retarded.

three minutes later, they were fueling around

Pixar was quickly running out of ideas.

Still not as creepy as the toilets painted the same way.

"When I said 'We need Full Service pumps', this isn't what I had in mind at all... but I like the way you think."

Things got really awkward after the breakup.

Regular, diesel, or nag.

Joel knew they had a ton in common, but he just couldn't work up the courage to go talk to her.

The genie laughed as the newlyweds used their last wish on having their love be fueled forver...Man that genie is a dick.

Now that he's getting payed $4.00 a gallon, this year he'll get her something a hell of a lot nicer than pearls for the birthday.'

Long distance relationships never work.

"In Soviet Russia, gas pumps YOU" beat ya to it asshat.

Hank tried the old "Yawn-then-reach-around-and-hold-her-shoulders" trick, but then he remembered he had no arms.

Be careful. She likes credit cards.

"Back off man! We're gonna do it! We're gonna pump our heads full of diesel!"

You have to yap into the pink one's cake-hole for an hour and rub Maine lobster on her face before she starts flowing.

Back in the early days of Nirvana Dave Grohl use to "pump" with Courtney love

Exxon gives back. With a portion of it's 26 billion dollar profits, it's replacing TWO boring pumps with hilariously inefficient people pumps. yay Exxon!

Tom knew it was his own cock in his ear, but whose cock was in Mary's?

Their district manageer was coming today, and they decided to dress nice.

The pump on the right had a tendency to pull out and spray all over your car right before the tank got full.

"Ok, I get it, $25.89. You don't have to yell."

So now that they're cute you won't feel as bad paying FOUR FUCKING DOLLARS A FUCKING GALLON!!! FUCK YOU OIL COMPANIES!! I HOPE YOU ALL DIE OF PAINFUL CANCER AND ROT IN HELL!! FUCK!!

Male Pump price =$3.98 a gallon Female Pump price= Your house, your car, your paycheck, your independance, your sense of style, nights out with the guys, and your dignity

Las Vegas hit an all time low now that you can get married at the gas station.

It was no use. He wanted to try alternative options, but she was clear that she only wanted it Regular.

BIOFUEL IS PEOPLE! IT'S PEOPLE!!!!

in the deep south even gas pumps have mullets

No matter how hard Jimmy tried, he just couldn't get children to hang out at his gas station.

"Anything you can fuel I can fuel better, I can fuel anything better than you..."

Todd has had expression ever since he discovered his 'girlfriend' had a longer hose than him.

They met on EHarmony.

"Hiii. How can I serrrve you today? Or my wife can serrrve you. We have an ooopen relationship."

What do you mean you're pregnant? I TOLD you not to top off!

One vote, PLEASE!

Dana Carvey's decision to do Master of Disguise 2 proved to be one of his worst career choices.

We Deep Throat here! Your choice male or female!

"See now? You've driven off all the customers with your hysterical screeching." "Just look me in the eyes and say you love me!" "Bah! You've always been frigid."

Annie knew if she wanted a child she would need a new boyfriend; Brian was unleaded!

You should see where the receipt comes out.

High gas prices? Who cares?! Our scary-ass pumps will make you want to bike anyways!

"Man, wipe that shit off before you put it back. I'm gonna get an ear infection."

She looks just like my ex. Whore.

Man i think leading to some Gallon Gal action.

It was only a matter of time before the oil industry conceived a way to accept limbs as an option for the "pay at the pump" feature.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!

What the fuck!?!? Now that's just silly. That house has a green roof.

I wonder what the toilets look like in this place?

He:"I spy with my little eye something that begins with..." She:"Oh shut the fuck up Harold"