Other Craptions

A knock came to the door. Ester froze. The gang members were early and grandma still hadn't coughed up the heroin balloons.

Dan knew he should've checked the expiration date on that bottle of Axe.

"What are you whining about? I promised chicks and booze and I fucking delivered."

I loved that Christmas

Billy pretended he didn't like being a gigolo at the old folks home, but it was actually his favorite nite of the week.

"These people would be funnier if they were all cows" young Gary thought as he took pictures at the Larson family reunion.

007 got all the overseas adventures and European hotties. 008 got the local contracts.

Worst. Upskirt. Ever

Granny had forgotten to wear panties. She was not the first person to throw up that evening.

Vincent was glad he didn't wear his orange pantsuit, because then he would've looked like a fool.

Sorry, buddy. Not enough beer in the world is going to make this seem like a good idea.

Girls Gone Wild: Early Bird Special Edition

Shit, I think I slept with him on prom night.

Don wondered what the chances were that these chicks knew what a Brazilian wax was...

"What the fuck did you just say about WalMart?"

Visiting Britney's mother and auntie, K-Fed suddenly understands everything!

You know it's hard out here for a pimp.

A southern family reacts to the news that Obama has won the presidency.

"Drink me under the table? Hah.. Silly bitch."

Grandma?

Come on Martha, if I can deep throat 3 inches without gagging so can you!

Steve was asked to leave the party eary. His shirt was making people sick.

Say what you want about their politics, but nobody parties like the Kennedys.

Oh yeah...I'm proud to be an American. (sigh)

Even when they got older, Britney and Paris never forgot how to party.

Although he retained his initial misgivings about the chicks who answered his "FFM Funtimes" Craigslist ad, Jimmy grudgingly admitted that these old bithches knew how to PARTY.

Please let this have been photoshopped, please let this have been photoshopped . . .

Joe was not happy. They still wouldn't put out.

So much becomes clear to me now: After heavy drinking people end up at Denny's, so old people just drink a lot earlier than the rest of us.

The remake of "Three's Company" never took off.

Larry took himself a pull off of a cold one... Once the old bag was gone, all of Granpa's shirts would be his...

Cracked 2005 Christmas Party

All the cool girls at bingo were doing it, and they all wore size 7 girdles. Grandma was only trying to fit in.

Edward Norton has made some really...really bad career choices.

Tony just couldn't understand why nobody wanted to watch the porno movie he directed.

Thing I like about Senior Citizens, I get older, they die....

Carl wasn't sure what Evelyn and Sophia would like more, his slicked back mullet or his zipper pockets. Luckily, he brought both. Dude, you're totally in.

Gladys still held the record for longest loogie at the retirement home.

The question is: Are they robbing the cradle, or is he robbing the grave?

Match.com's sadistic employees must be laughing their asses off at this picture...

Gary was NOT pleased with his bachelor party.

All in all, it was a good Seder.

"Sally, you aren't drunk. That's non-alcoholic beer...I think your support hose are just on too tight."

Doris loitered around the open bar, hoping to grab his attention. He was dark, mysterious and still had his original hip. She had to have him.

I warned her not to mix her Geritol and whiskey, but three "Jack and Gerry"s later, she was puking in the trash.

Even though Esther is having an overdose and Elizabeth is unexperienced, you look at Bud's calm expression and you just know - "there's a man who can take advantage of ANY situation".

that was the last time that johnny knoxville granma was invited to the jack ass reunion party.

Grandma pulled the beer out of her fridge... the fridge between her legs.

The hotest nightclub in all of Idaho.