Other Craptions

Lesson: Always ask for a pic when trying to get beaver on Craig's List.

After 150 straight losses, depression crept over the pair as the realized they'd probably never win the wacky races.

Dad's in an elf costume driving a sawblade wheeled park bench while a construction gopher gives himself an eye exam... The NyQuil must be working.

He could handle the orange crappy car, he could handle the strange beaver partner, even the stupid cape...but the fucking pink hat was the last straw, Dave would be bringing his friend Glock to work tomorrow.

Oh, I get what's funny about this. The steering wheel is on the wrong side! Classic.

Nobody was particularly pleased about Hanna Barbara's new mandatory carpooling policy.

Time for me once again pander to a group of people I don't know, trying to validate myself with their approval of my mocking of a lovely Canadian newlywed couple.

Russia never fully grasped the concept of the buddy cop genre.

Every time a big budget movie like Speed Racer is about to come out, some weird knock-off like Quick Driver shows up at Blockbuster.

Shit! That other woodchuck's chucking wood!

If you think this is disturbing, wait until they get to Make Out Point

They see me rollin, They hatin, Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty

Worst. Happy-meal Toy. Ever.

Put your seatbelt on Roofus, that second brownie is really starting to kick in.

DeVry University's doctoral robes leave a little something to be desired.

A re-enactment of the Princess Diana/paparazzi chase made for children

- Hey, was that a moose we just ran over? - No, just keep driving.

If only he knew his beaver friend was an acid hallucination, then he could lay across the whole bench.

It was a typical day at the Shady Acres Asylum, McCain was allowed to drive the plastic logging mobile, while George W. was forced to wear the chipmunk costume yet again.

"Dear Make-A-Wish Foundation: I think there was a miscommunication when I asked to be rear-ended by a dude with a beaver."

"Fucking bugs! See that, Phil? I told you to put a goddamned windshield on this thing. Right in my eye, too."

Ground Hog's Day 2: Phil's Revenge

Oh crap! I lost one of my colored contact lenses. Pull over, I don't want to look stupid.

After many warnings from friends and family that he'll "shoot his eye out", Goldy the Gopher regretted asking for that Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas.

Canada, yeah, it's kinda like that.

Four years of college. A B.A. in fine arts. Three years of interships with theater companies. Somehow, it just doesn't seem worth it anymore, does it?

That's it, I'm canceling my Match.com subscription when I get home.

Ridin' Dirty takes on a whole new meaning with Greg the pedophile and Mr. Snickers, the gopher furry.

Sir, I'm going to have to cite you for the cartoon-cloud emissions and speed-lines you left behind.

"I hate driving down town...all this "Dam Construction". Badum bum

"...All I'm saying, Gladys, is that Monty Hall better fucking complement our costumes." "Shut up, Harold, I'm trying to drive."

This is what happens when your fairy godmother gets drunk.... you don't want to see what happens after midnight.

When LumberJack Bill went into town, he went straight to the Red Light District, willing to pay top dollar to get his wood chucked.

"Cosplay would be fun, she said. We can live out our fantasies, she said. You're into beaver, aren't you honey? she said."

You might laugh, but she's wayyyy hotter than his last date.

"Oh God. They're laughing at my sideburns, I just know it."

Bruce Campbell is absolutely determined never to appear in a movie that isn't completely humiliating.

"Some people like to dress up as animals. I'm cool with that. Others like cartoons. No problem. But fellow Senators, should they be allowed the right to gay marry? WHO WILL THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?!?"

Even with the bathroom in sight, Vladimir knows it's a lost cause.

Dude I knew they would fuck up the speed racer movie

Larry's getting worried about trusting his GPS (Gopher Positioning System)

Paris Hilton in 20 Years... and which one I'm talking about is up for you to decide.

"Oh crap, I just remembered, 1 line on your hat means you're gay...*2* lines means you're straight. Do we have time to turn around?" "Sure, the last thing we want is to look like a couple of fags."

I am shocked and appalled. They support Bush.

Gimme your keys! You're drurnk!!

L.A. decides to get tough on gang violence with some interesting new "alternitive punishments" for offenders. Suprisingly effective actually...

The robbery plan was sloppy, from the disguises to the getaway vehicle, but with the Mexican border in sight, Don and Mike were starting to think they might make it.

"Pull over, Rocky! I'm gonna hurl!" "Uh, *YOU'RE* driving, Fred and besides, I'm Barney. Who the hell is Rocky?" "Christ, I'm trippin' balls."

Canadian Furries