Other Craptions

I'm sitting next to a mountain of toilet paper and I just crapped my diaper... irony's a mutherfucker

Unfortunately the official from the Guinness Book of world records ran late, seconds later Timmy's undeveloped skull was crushed under the weight of his accomplishment.

"911, what is your emergency?" "Um, there's a baby stuck in a window display." "Ma'am, I don't know if that's an emergency." "They've put him in parachute pants." "We have a unit on the way."

The Church of Scientology today opened its first retail outlet. Expectations high.

Everyone agreed that the animatronic baby with the cotton ball hat and making the "jerk off" motion was both offensive and confusing.

NOBODY puts Baby in a corner window display!

Charmin Ultra-Strong Two-Ply is people!

Yeah kid, toilet paper and cotton balls make me want to fondle my nipple too...

Sure, the Cottonelle president's son looks happy now, but EVERY one of his birthdays is going to be like this.

Now I, The Q-Tip, control all the toilet paper in Gothem. And after tomorrow's chili festival I will rule the world-MMWWWAHAHAHAHHA!!!

So help me, you will stay in there and wear that dunce cap until you are potty trained, young man!

You'd have to eat this many rolls of toilet paper to get the same amount of fiber as you get from one cotton-ball hat!

Eveything was going according to plan...but SUDDENLY, Baby got some self-respect.

Is it really child abuse...if it is also...art?

The Baby Jesus Butt-plug Extreme

"How much is that baaaby in the window? The one with the cotton-ball head?"

He was born with the gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad. And that was his only patrimony. That, and 800 rolls of toilet paper.

Did anyone even think of psycological consequenses this ad campaign will have on that kid? His parents should have just beat him.

Despite her Marge Simpson hair style and serious incontenance issues, everyone always says grandma looks very young.

With only a mountain of toilet paper, a cotton-ball hat, and some thread from his shirt, Baby McGuyver prepares to blow up the truck across the street.

For some reason, all that toilet paper and cotton balls make me want to fondle Lawdragon's nipples.

You are looking at the newest and youngest member of the KKK through a bullet proof glass. Damn white baby.

Alas, even with his cotton ball nose cone and toilet paper heat shield, the baby would still burn up on reentry.

It was the display in the next window - also containing a mountain, but colored brown "for contrast" - that got the District Manager fired.

All babies know they rule the household. Some are just more arrogant about it.

And thus, the new King Asswipe is crowned.

Perhaps a Black baby, or maybe even a Mexican baby would have been a better choice to provide some color contrast. Alas, the higher-ups wouldn't allow it, something about "law suits and Al Sharpton"

God, kids these days will do anything to get adopted by Angelena Jolie.

Shrine to the Infant Saint Lothias, protector of those in dire need of toilet paper; pictured wearing his cotton-ball mitre. You do NOT want to know how he was martyred.

Poor people need Christmas too! Well...unless they are poor Jews (and we all know THAT's never happened).

still makes more sense than scientology

"Why the hell did you have the dyslexic kid set up the potty training display?"

This is roughly the amount of toilet tissue used per child up UNTIL they can wipe their OWN ass. Still wanna have kids?

"hey, the museum of marshmallows and toilet paper is finally open." "dude. this is the best day of my life."

Yeah he looks cute, but he'll headbutt your spleen right the fuck out.

Suri Cruise and Charmin strike a deal to promote their new scientoiletry paper.

And to the left we have our latest addition to the Michael Jackson Museum of Erotic Art.

No, The Coneheads still aren't funny. Sorry, SNL.

The executives looked at the past month's sales and smiled. They knew hiring David Lynch to advertise Charmin was a good idea.

I may not know art, but I know what I like.... ....and I like absorbent children.

Just don't ask where the tampons are kept in this store.

Pinocchio made a wish on a drive-by shooting that one day he would become a REAL toiletries spokes-child.

Well they're basically tampons for the first nine months, so why not the next couple years too?

And just then, the Charmin Bear broke the window. Never again would he wipe his ass with a tree.

This reminds me of that time I got really drunk and confused my baby nephew's head for toilet paper. Good times!

Great, now I want to wipe my ass with the baby and nurture a roll of toilet paper

The pressures of potty training left a lot on his mind.

You know, I actually feel kinda hungry now.

Mr. Whipple's great grandson takes over advertising for Charmin, albeit with a style all his own.