LardLad
After having his testicle removed, Lance Armstrong went through some... unexpected changes.
dogico
As Mike turned his gaze towards the cross-dressing homeless man with a raccoon for a hat, he knew he was in for one hell of a race.
AndyDufresne
God issues a recall on the 'human' series after serious design flaws begin to surface.
goodapollo
Guy in the back: "Losing the race wasn't so bad, but being in 2nd the whole time was terrible."
JAIlovar
With the writers back to work, production of "Grizzly Adams Goes To San Fransisco" resumes
papaskrobe
The money wasn't steady, but Frank never once regretted majoring in... whatever it was that he majored in.
Nift
Ron didn't quite know how to tell his parents he was gay, but he felt confident that at least one of the things he was doing would get the message across.
Nift
The next day's newspaper headline: Bicyclist struck by 13 cars on highway, stabbed to death.
Ken Buddha
It started as a dare, but soon Frank would refuse to leave the house without wearing his pearls, sports bra and raccoon hat. "It's what I'm about," he would often say.
lawdragon
Thoughts from the man in the background: "You know...He's in better shape than my wife!"
tayser
Growing old sucks. Your hair starts turning gray, your belly fills out, you get this uncontrollable urge to wear short shorts and pearls, a wolf pops out of your head, you sprout tits... and then there's the hot flashes.
BLUNTJUNKY
"See gang it was't the the Big Bad Wolf" "It's just a cross-dressing, alcoholic, bum on a bike" and he would have gotten away with it if wasn't for us meddling kids!!!!!!
CaptainSpanky
President Rutherford B. Hayes great-great-great grandson shames his family, his country, and the Pecan Food Market.
senbonzakuya
Whatever it was the sunlight was doing to cyclists with facial hair, Frank vowed to remain in the shadows until nightfall.
lawdragon
Try not think about how high his ass would be in the air if he was actually riding that bike....
namesnatcher
makes sense, really. The bike is on a crack and up a crack, and the rider is on crack as well, with the whole thing being put on "cracked.com" Cracks me up, really...
awesome-o
For some reason, Carl couldn't help but feel that loitering wasn't the only reason he was asked to leave the Food Mart.
lisha939
After impersonating little red riding hood's grandmother, the wolf was a lot happier.
Kierkegaard
For some reason Pecan Food Mart's delivery service never turned out to be the money-maker everyone thought it would be...
IrishTerror
Hillary Clinton's grassroots "Bike Across America" campaign failed miserably.
UncleUlty
"My foot is down, Clarence! As your wife, I forbid you to turn our garage into a garage/darkroom! Where would you store your equipment Clarence? Did you even think about that?" "..Nadine, have a seat.."
Nift
Tom respected Raymond's choices in clothing and lifestyle, but still when it came time for pictures he preferred to step into the background.
Quellish
Jim Henson's lesser-known twin brother Ray also had a fascination for felt animals.
roninhobbit
Originally, Bob was going to wear his black shoes, but then he thought he would just look gay.
Fairview
"Shwing on a Schwinn" was not a successful ad campaign for the bike manufacturer.
thevelveturd
With the Bejing Olympics only months away,the sport of women's cylcling was rocked today with allegations of steroid abuse.
dogico
As Mike turned his gaze towards the cross-dressing homeless man with a raccoon for a hat, he knew this would be his greatest challenge.
beeteater30
A still shot from Jack Black's version of "Beowulf" for his new movie, "Be Kind, Rewind."
swordsman97
Even though he was blessed with pure athleticism, he still has no sense for fashion.
PatRedway
Sally was fully aware of the risks of taking too much steroids. What she wasn't prepared for, though, was another less known side effect : a slow but steady shift toward yiffiness.
Corpsy
"Coon Patrol is on the job, ensuring your neighborhood stays coon free! And by coons, I mean niggers."
mrbrett
Goddamit Gary, stop calling me an attention whore! My outfit is totally age appropriate. Your just jealous of my hot body!
senbonzakuya
"And whatever you do, don't expose your cyclist to bright light. ESPECIALLY not sunlight." "Why? Will it kill 'im?" "Worse..."
mrbrett
I DID NOT kill a hooker for this outfit... I just maimed her, and clothes just slid off.
jackdragon
"If I just move my leg a little, you'll see why i get to park in handicap spots."
UncleUlty
"See that guy behind me? In the shade. We just swapped bikes. Can you believe that he wanted my stupid ol' blue bike for this orange bike?! He's going to look so silly riding around on that thing. What? These? Yep, KSwiss."
Turd-ala-flambe
"Why don't you do something with your life like that man" My wife said. I responded, "Because I'm a man!"
Nebulon
Britney spears 1981-2010 'You were batshit insane but now your gone the papers are empty'
Nebulon
The long descent into celebrity hell reached a climax when Britney and her stylist parted company.
Nebulon
No one would want to 'take a ride on the town bike' when this guy was done using it.
Nebulon
Some guys never really got over Nam, others just stayed behind to work in fucked up far eastern sex clubs.
AndyDufresne
Cycling will be the first event of the decathlon, and will be televised live on ESPN. Events 2 through 10 will skirt the boundaries of behavioral psychology, and will be televised only on cable.
Wisteria
Tom "Buttercup" Jenkins rides his bike to raise awareness about racoons killed at Mardi Gras by cross-dressers.
Wisteria
Butch overheard two girls talking about how big the johnson was on that "coon" they hooked up with. Unfortunately for Butch he was not aware of racist slurs and came up with this to lure in the "coons".
vasrchr
The Burger King, after being dropped by the restaurant for his affinity for furries and cross-dressing, shows up in New Orleans, exposing himself for beads.
kshipley
Of course I made sure my necklaces matched my socks...I wouldn't want to look silly.
cw22233
Though Floyd Landis never did admit taking Human growth hormone, it was getting harder to deny taking Gay Racoon Growth Hormone.
Fairview
The absence of a fanny pack demonstrates that even this guy has his gay limits.
Cracked_Addict
So the scariest thing about this is that I actually know that guy....his name is Leslie.
phreesh
Ever since he had annointed himself the Raccoon King, Dave had become kinda weird.
DragonFlyJones
"Thats the last time I bet my brother Charlie that his show wont make syndication"... Explained Emilio Estevez as he was about to start stage 7. "I mean honestly who would have thought two gay guys and fat kid would be such a hit?" He went on to add.
DanFraley
Finally, the sixth member of the Village People arrives, only to find that he's a little too late.
PatRedway
Pictured : what happens to the loser of the "Cyclists who don't know how to match socks and shoes colors" competition
diddy0071
Sadly, nobody realized that Robert Duval was past his prime for films. He resorted, to other forms of work.
PatRedway
For Professor Smith, crossing a raccoon and an Alien wasn't so difficult. Making it so that the resulting face-huggers would target specifically cycling transvestite (and actually be scalp-huggers), THAT turned out to be the HARD part.
Corpsy
Once the guy on the blue bike finally caught up, he felt strongly compelled to turn around and seek out the nearest church.
Nift
Tim quickly pulled out his camera and took a snapshot of the hottest hooker he'd ever seen in New York.
Nift
The little-known origin of Tennessee's curious "No Bicycle Riding While Crossdressing in Hunting Territory" law.
Nift
The swimsuit edition of American Bicyclist Magazine was off to a terrible start, but real models were over their budget and they had to take what they could get.
Country_Boy
I don't know whats weirder, the guy in front, or the guy in the back who actually seems to be enjoying himself
Geloti
Though the Pecan Food Market may be open for business the local raccoons always manage to deter business.
PaulTMD
Steve couldn't imagine why his new MySpace photo wasn't getting him any new friend requests.
roliton567
Before popular media nicknamed him from the bombings, Ted Kaczynski preferred neighborhood locals call him the Raccoon Racer.
mvonneumann
Without Lance Armstrong Competitive Cycling is looking for new unusual people to help boost falling ratings.
goodapollo
"Did you know?...That the greatest freedom is to...Believe in yourself." Believe, a new fragrance from Britney Spears.
akcliu
Sadly, Bob's focus was strictly on the flamboyant cyclist's ass when he asked 'her' to be his Euro tour partner. He got exactly what he asked for.
tmeister
Look, your invitation said "trans-america bike ride", mine said "transvestite".
tmeister
Am I showing too much leg? I don't want to look silly... it's too much leg, isn't it?
bunnylefevre
Confident that his human disguise helped him blend in perfectly, Rocky began reconnaissance for the Racoon Invasion.
monsterjavabass
He's the guy who makes sure you have your parking permit. dont fuck around with the pecan food market security..
Yabels
Michael Douglas in: "BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS"
callino
Once the raccoon hat had infiltrated Otis' brain, he really couldn't be held responsible for his actions.
vasrchr
The was no denying it, but the Klingon's drunken raid on the Ewok village produce some embarassing moments for Warf in later life.
callino
Having failed to ever duplicate the success of "Two Princes", the lead singer of the Spin Doctors hit the pipe pretty hard.
cw22233
Well crap. I meant to try to sit on that yellow pole. How did this bike get here?
TragicallySane
Remember the Beatles song about Rocky Raccoon? a, a hit of acid, a chance encounter with this guy and presto! a song is born. And just think of the mental images you will suffer next time you hear that tune. AHAHAHAHAHAHA
johnndisco
In an attempt to find a middle ground, Dan bought a hat that would draw the eyes higher than his C cups. Unfortuantely, Scott decided he no longer wanted to go for those country rides with someone who obvisouly has poor taste in hats.
miteyfulkron
A Police APB for a bike stolen by a "Racoon she-male" was met with mostly laughter....
OlDirtyBen
Whew! I thought that was my father for a second but dad wears way more beads when he brings the gay.
Cacker
Many dedicated athletes hope to bring home the gold in this years Beijing summer Olympics by competing in the newest triathlon event that combines equal parts panda-hunting, cross-dressing and long distance cycling
KjSkippy
The Pecan Food Mart began feeling a little hesitant after Bill, the head security guard, picked out new unrecognizable uniforms.
BLUNTJUNKY
Give not that which is holy unto FAGS!! Neither cast ye your pearls before BUMS!! lest they wear a silly hat, jump on a bike and rend YOU!!!
StormKat
One more wisecrack out of you and I'm going for my gun here... Hey! Where'd my gun go?
Newguy40
Fake Pearls... $2 Racoon Helmet... $15 Sport Bra... $20 Winning the Gay Pride 10K Cycle-athon '08... PRICELESS!!! :
bjgates
Ah, the northwestern tranny bear, known for their love of bikes and taste in cheap necklaces.
pk170
The Valets at the Pecan FoodMart take causal Friday just as serious as their jobs.
yourpalpete
Like I wasn't giving you enough reasons to hit me with your car, I'm wearing roadkill for a helmet.
nchammer326
If you think this picture is horrifying as it is, you really don't want to see what it looks like after he moves his left leg.
big
They say that you can't go wrong with basic black and pearls; I think that they hadn't met this guy yet.
am4fm2000
As they placed the raccoon crown on his head he wished his father could have been here to witness the honor returned to the family name.
Matika
The new season of Bounty Hunter has suffered a few changes from its previous format.
simuun
The guy in the background is clearly wishing he comes back as that bicycle seat in his next life.
DanFraley
The original idea for "Back to the Future" wasn't as well received by the studio...
lisha939
Alien 1: I told you that wasn't a right turn at Venus, it was a slight veer! Alien 2: Curses MapQuest!
Zombie_Jesus
Dick Grayson tiring of all the gay jokes about his Robin costume, debuts his more manly Racoon Boy outfit.
Danielle
With his epic headpiece, +100 agility neckpiece, and super epic mount, Critsalot did not feel the need to wear pants.
darthzaphod
Ironically, the scantily clad man was arrested for parking in the Pecan Food Mart lot when in fact he was a patron across the street at Sav-A-Lot.
cigjonser
"Don't worry," John reassured his terrified bike, "I won't let him touch you."
janvantintelen
Na het trouwen ga ik me echt goed voorbereiden op de Franse Alpen. Ik wil niet meer zo'n modder figuur slaan als een paar jaar geleden.
pierrerodriguez
His friends all told him he was crazy, but Harold was determined to put on his one man show of "Little Red Riding Hood."
scarecrow8
the newfound burst of energy from his hidden meth stash was a deciding factor in his victory over the raccoon king. afterward, he stole its bike and fashioned it into a helmet (as shown here)
toastking
Upon receiving a book in the mail titled "Understanding PMS", Burt Reynolds decided to let Chad Kroeger back into his biking club.
Oohntah
Want your anal beads to shine like this man's...chick's...raccoon's....anyway, try Sea-Bond Anal Bead cleanser.
mastercheddaar
We always thought there was something wrong with Uncle Burt..... but couldn't quite put our finger on it.
crackbaby
Jim was hoping he'd meet a better woman in a parking lot to date rape before his evening nap, but it was becoming painfully clear he'd have to lower his standards.
dandaman
'Background Dave' would like to review what the store's definition of 'parking' was before 'Foreground Mike' made his inevitable move.
muchinmonkey
with a sultry gaze and those Impossibly long legs, Rodney was a shoo-in for Miss Universe 2008
muchinmonkey
with that sultry gaze and those Impossibly long legs, Rodney was a shoo-in for Miss Universe 2008
muchinmonkey
With that sultry gaze and those impossibly long legs, Rodney was a shoo-in for miss universe 2008.
defeyent
To the tune of Row Your Boat: "I wish I were a bicycle seat...a bicycle seat...a bicycle seat!"
Ranger
They took my uniform away from me and kicked me out of the Army because I have a vagina! www.NeilsNotes.com
Ranger
To get AIDS.... just look at this picture for more than 30 seconds! www.NeilsNotes.com
Ranger
I don't even have a bike seat on. It's a great workout for my anal muscles in case Ted ever calls me back. www.NeilsNotes.com
TrapserCat
Somewhere in a parallel universe, paternity was mercifully never established for Liv Tyler
ivetta
Puck, from MTV's the Real World: San Fransisco turned out pretty much like I figured.
Shtin
If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit.
Ranger
I could never find it in my heart to bring Dad to Career Day at school. www.NeilsNotes.com
TheWalrus
Signaling the coming of Rapture, the lesser known fifth horsemen of the Apocalypse descends to Earth and drives away business to liquor stores across the land
orangemtl
What sort of buffoon wears pearls at noontime? Good Good, have you no standards?
Ranger
WARNING: Just smelling my farts will give you AIDS! http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?catid=7
notsofunny
Mikey's not one to let let an embarrassingly bad haircut ruin his summer day. Yes, this hat shall hide it nicely.
HomerJ
Most people wouldn't put a Mickey Mantle rookie card in the spokes of their bicycle. But Ricky wasn't 'most people'.
Treb
The whores's of Iowa may not be "Conventionally Sexy", but they did cater to all sorts.
herenow
No kidding....I must have been doing 80 when I slammed into this chick out walking her damned pet.
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