Other Craptions

Although pictured in a state of contentment here, Wooden Jesus would end his days nailed to a cross of human flesh.

Before becoming a ritualistic instrument of smoldering demise, the Wicker Man was an introspective youth who pondered the mysteries of the Universe.

Terry gets thrown out of the house after mom finds a stash of horticulture magazines under his bed.

The Amish version of 'Transformers'.

Before the plastic era, sex dolls were a little more primative

Although his friends were gung-ho, Brad didn't know if it was a good idea to attend Burning Man.

Since peace had been restored to Middle Earth, this Ent has often found himself bored.

"Woah, mom was right... I turned INTO pot!"

Give a hippie several miles of hemp and he'll make you a hemp-man... ask him to take out the trash, and you'll spend the next 4 hours being yelled at about why pot should be legalized

Man, the Entwives aren't nearly as hot as Treebeard said.

Kate Moss is finally up to a "healthy" weight!

A guy made out of wood?! How about a penis joke!

When Les woke up, the chick from last night was gone, and the way his cock looked and felt, he couldn't help wondering if she'd given him elm disease.

More proof that being a vegan is bad for you.

On a drunken bet, Jarvis went into the woods and humped an oak tree. Now he's a single dad.

Bark Obama

Though he had his roots in Orthodox Catholicism, Andy grew up to be Wicker.

Oh shit..they've got mowers.

You see over there under the tree? That's your cousin Kevin. I told you Uncle Al wasn't just a tree "hugger".

The 4th installment of Lord of the Rings is going to be lower budget...

All the other trees laughed at Cecil, with their stupid leaves and stupid parties. But Cecil didn't care, he had vaguely opposable thumbs, a book of matches and nothing to lose...

After learning that his future was to be crafted into tacky baskets by senile old women and sold to fund Friday bingo night, William took a moment for self-reflection.

Branch felt like a sap being rooted to one spot, but he couldn't just pack up his trunk and leave his family out on a limb.

This blows! I wish my dad would make me a people house

Is everything a damn "rejected Cloverfield monster" these days?

Wanna see my wood?

And I thought I had a hard time studying my roots! Bada bing!

And I call this piece, "A Tribute to the Founder of Wickerpedia"...what's that? No 'r'? ...crap.

It's a depressing life, being an effigy.

After losing his virginity and witnessing the effects of friction, he stares at the smoldering ash that was his penis...

It was pretty obvious that The Wicker Man 2 was being filmed on a much smaller budget.

Charles didn't know what to think of the girl he met on tallmingle.com. She was certainly tall, but something else...just wasn't right.

When asked if he was planning on moving from the freshly mowed hillside, Josh replied "No, I'm a frayed knot!" Hahahahahahahaha, anyone?

To tree, or not to tree. That is the question.

Swamp thing awoke from an afternoon nap to discover he had completely dried out.

After Dorothy returned to Kansas, the scarecrow spiraled into a cycle of self-destruction.

after a bout of riotous sex Ben relaxed and lit up a cigarette, with disastrous consequences.

"Some asshole kids stole all my leaves, so I decided to die on their front lawn."

I was robbed on that butterfly-man statue craption.

His Star fafing fast, The Scrarecrow makes the hard decision to bare it all in "PlayGirl"

Unlike his more robust Ent comrades like Ash and Oak, Wicker was of little use in the assault on Isengard. But he was the only one who could break dance at the victory party.

In the future, when all humans are long gone and dead vines have become sentient, they will look down and ponder, "Why is my dick so small?"

Someone, Somewhere...thinks this is actually, "good."

With women always complaining of splinters, Herby wondered if he would ever have a normal relationship.

Ok, since I've shown you mine. Will you show me yours?

Anybody got a match?

The only thing he ever wanted was to be a real boy, but those bastards wouldnt even give him that.

On the list of "The Scariest Fucking Things You Could Possibly Run Into In Central Park," Steve came in first, only narrowly beating Scientology.

Goddamnit, if they spend one more tax dollar on this "art" I'm gonna import my booze and smokes from Germany!