solrac
Sorry to bother you folks, but I'm trying to help my friend here find his son. Little guy. Orange with white stripes.
Nebulon
The insurance broker laughed when I asked for shark insurance, who's laughing now bitch!
Roland1232
Four out of five doctors say fish is good for you. Pictured: House of fifth doctor.
Wembley
Actor Roy Scheider died on Sunday afternoon in Little Rock, Ark. Family and friends are invited back to the home of a local fan for a wake. Directions will be provided following the funeral service.
solrac
The wolf knew he couldn't blow the third pig's house down, so he called his friend Bruce.
Drunkenprophet
Poseidon: "Just go knock on the door and ask them to please get our shark." Zues: "Pssh...You're the one that overthrew it."
Wisteria
Suicide among sharks is rare but very dramatic and takes some planning to execute.
Roland1232
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll....oh shit.
machboos
Seriously, how many more accessories can there possible be for the Nintendo Wii?
Bartholomew
The exact moment when Universal Pictures executives realized that hiring David Lynch to direct the next "Jaws" sequel was a huge mistake.
rbmmom
The Justice League will no longer be making fun of Aquaman's lack of powers on land
jamhottle
God's belittles all KNOCK KNOCK and SCREW A LIGHT-BULB jokes in one swift flick of the wrist...
Chamale
For sale: 2-bedroom, 2-bathroom house. In good condition except roof. Near shark-catapult testing grounds.
Nebulon
The air force's latest weapon had limit value against ground based targets but it was just the thing if they could managed to hit Osama's swimming pool.
CFKnight
I'm glad the Writer's strike is over, they were coming up with some just plain ridiculous reality shows.
Bulletproof
When it comes to overgrown hedges, the homeowners association's punishment is swift and merciless.
MuscleMilk
Robert used any excuse to decorate his house. Even Shark Week on the Discovery Channel
Roland1232
"Frank, do we have any chilled white?" "No, just Merlot." "Then we are doomed."
Cyberglider
They laughed at Fred when he said he bought the flying fish insurance, but now who is laughing.
TheLantern2814
It was a sad day today for friends and family of Chevy Chase. When he came to realize that his career was dead, he finally let in the Landshark. Ironically being the only funny thing he has done since leaving Saturday Night Live. Back to you Tina
MNOGOLD
Sure he had never won an oscar, but Michael Caine's trophy cabinet payed homage to the one that DIDN'T get away.
TheJaxon
All that planning. All the waiting. And Steve Irwin had to go and bite it to a sting ray?! Luckily Bear Grylls lives just down the street.
Briceh42
The tyranny and oppression of Aquaman came to a sudden, well-deserved end when the fish created Aeroshark.
Ken Buddha
The writer of "Jaws 4" was ostrasized from the writing community (again) when he defied the strike to do "Donnie Darko 2."
keeks137
"Hey chum!" "Why do you call me chum?" "I'll say chum all I want. Chum Chum Chummy Chum Chu.."
Roland1232
'ere we see ze majestique shark. This one lives in ze suburbs, and ees a practicing endodentist. Ee is well respected.
Fairview
"Mommy, there's a monster in my closet" "There's no such thing as monst..." CRASH! "Oh FUCK, take the boy, take the boy!" ...and so the therapy begins.
Lburgguy
The wreckage of the failed spy satellite forced the Pentagon to finally admit that yes, they are a wee bit frivolous when it comes to spy satellite design.
fishmonkeyfiend
Shit, if I get beaten by someone who puts, "oops" or another writer's strike joke, I'm going to yank the head off a kitten.
usolangto
The second Noah was being an ass for not building an ark. God had to send him a message.
IrishTerror
George survived destruction of the USS Indianapolis only to have Bruce finish the job many years later.
diddy0071
People don't realize how high the water got in New Orleans after Katrina, but one thing's for sure, poor billy will never sleep comfortably again.
lilbrain
Never forget that Jesus is LOVE otherwise will be back and this time we'll rape your goat too.
Nebulon
Everyone liked the frog rain at the end of Magnolia so much that the producers decided to take it one step further for the sequel.
Fairview
The day that Scotty's problem went from occasionally wetting the bed to consistently shitting the bed.
Pinceke
For over 30 years Roy Scheider fought Bruce the shark, but last week it finally got him...
DragonFlyJones
Martha.... something is fishy here.. I could have swore the realator said this place had tile roofing.. that looks like shingles to me.
assassassin
Much like an emu, the North American Landshark hides it's head when it masturbates.
milf0rd
At last thought the girls, something to distract the boys from staring at our nipples!
Vankook
This is how they weeded out the hacks while auditioning the role of falling whale in "Hithhiker's Guide To the Galaxy."
tj21
Cr(options) in order of merit: 1. Roy Scheider joke. 2. Finding Nemo joke. 3. Completely ignoring shark for comedic effect. 4. Air force/technology related humor. 5. Something completely unrelated to anything. 6. Noting the flawed angling of th
CaptainSpanky
And the developer's short-lived experiment with underwater neighborhoods came to a tragic end.
cthulhugoo
well if its a female shark it probably has the biggest vagina known to man. also the smell should be about the same.
Spirit
"God, should I face my fear of the ocean today and go scuba diving? Give me a sign!"
ToxicAvenger
Husband: Honey do you smell fish? Wife: You don't have to be an ass about it I'll go shower. Sadly she never made it to the shower alive for the giant swordfish split her down th middle insuring she forever stunk like a chinese fish monger.
Cyanide
The mobsters attempted to reenact the scene from the Godfather with a unique twist. Unfortunately, it didn't have the same effect as the horse.
Hammertime90
"honey, do you think you'll ever get around to re-shingling the roof?" "Yeah- when giant wooden sharks fly!"
lawdragon
Honey, when I said you could keep some things from your bachlor days, this is not what I had in mind...now lose the fish no no more furpie!
Paradukes
The Air-Shark's only weakness is its inability to fly backwards, and a tendency to get trapped in tight corners...
monkey_marshal
The police managed to find the Mobs loan shark buisness quite easily.............Tony just couldn't resist the tempation of putting that sign up!
yeungngou
This was what Jimmy's dad was afraid of when he told Jimmy 'not to take the fishies home' from the beach.
thevelveturd
Due to it's extreme popularity on the Discovery Channel, HGTV attempts it's own Shark Week.
Flyn1der
Bob decided to try out his newly bought death ray. He flicked a switch and waited. when nothing happened, he realized that there was a shark where his death ray should be... He'd been had.
thevelveturd
Lucky winners of the 2008 Discovery Channel Shark Week Great White giveaway.
Roland1232
Sure, it's repairing the roof, but it charged me an arm and a leg. Literally.
jamasian_man
Ice Cube thought he survived in Deep Blue Sea. Here is a nasty Monday morning surprise.
Pinceke
For over 30 Roy Scheider fought Bruce the shark, but last week it finally got him!
OlDirtyBen
"I told you there was no way that goddamn shark was going to fit in the chimney!"
eemo
The mammal wanted to express its understanding of how the housing market has actually nose-dived.
Manos
Abercrombie and Fitch present a rare bonus to their wild eroto-clones at their Model Preserve. "As they grow older they seem to want more than to hump in various states of undress," says a spokesman "We aren't sure what to do."
cw22233
マカジキの球, the latest Japanese sex fad, mixes sushi with being stabbed in balls by flying marlin.
DragonFlyJones
Roshambo by laws section 14:103-A clearly states that Shark always beats brick... seriously..look it up.
soapie91
"Honey I fucking told you!! Stop hiding everytime the Jehovah witnesses come!!! I knew they'd snap!!"
soapie91
"Mommy, the boy at school won't go to sleep at nap time because he said he's afraid a shark is gonna come in through the roof of the school." "Oh his mommy probably smoked while he was in the womb. Just nod your head and agree with him next time."
Lewis
Jimmy's mother had warned him that God would blind him with a sword fish if he kept sneaking up to his room to masturbate, but he'd never believed her.
soapie91
Random person walking by:"Something is "fishy" about that house....hahaha I don't care what other people say.....I'm freaking hilarious."
sambowman
After all these years people finally began to feel the effects of the LSD in their water supply.
Accoch63
Pictured: Screencap from the final scene of little-known box office bomb, "Sharks on a Plane".
johnndisco
Susie knew declining the land sharks door entry would be met with firm resistance
vasrchr
Cecil looked at the new roofing job on his house and immediately realized something was fishy.
kash4888
OK, when you get to Summer Avenue turn left and my house is right next to the one with 20 feet of shark sticking up out of the roof.
StickManJr
The first thing I noticed in this picture: those trees really need to be pruned!
RNbulletsponge
It was described as the worlds biggest flop, when the pope let slip the words, "now get naked and bow down!"
RNbulletsponge
All was going well at the photo shoot, until someone dropped the steriods in the water.
RNbulletsponge
All was going well at the photo shoot, until someone dropped the steroids in the water.
stephenbltmr
how do you keep that from leaking?? I am sure that there insuance does not cover that!
RicketyGait
Oh crap! Now there's no way I'll be able to return this thing to the trebuchet rental place with a straight face.
Silence
The evil cousin of the Flying Fish. Scientists called it a phenomenon and named him Betty. He taught those bastards a lesson.
HurricaneN0S
Natural selection had slowly eliminated the Land Shark species, instead favoring those with the ability to fly and the ability to break open the hard shells of their prey without the use of deception. Such is nature's way.
bwroblewski
Problems with the neighbors? get the new and improved ACME Shark Slinger 500!
brianbake
Following the rude interruption of Ed's "intimate" moment with his wife, he could never get it up again.
cin115
Blind guy wakes up from a hangover, takes a long sniff and says "DAMN I cant believe i hit that!!!!"
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