Other Craptions

Art thou talking to me? Art thou talking to me?

"You know what, I think you're mistaken. I think you got it all mixed up your head like, ya know? So now tell me again, did Father O'Halloran touch you?"

My brother missed church once. Once.

"I SAID, 'DOES Pope Benedict XVI LOOK LIKE a BITCH?'"

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Good evening, I'd like to talk to you about Jesus.

Yes, he shed his blood to save thee...now he wants it back.

I'm sorry. Did I hear you correctly? Jesus 'what-ing' Christ?

The Power of Christ compels you, mutherfucker!

In trying out for Marsellus Wallace's crew, Toby & Leroy took the phrase "Get medieval on your ass" a little too literally...

Lemme say right off the bat, we're not gunning for huge donations here. We just hope you won't be so Jewy when the collection plate comes around next time, m'kay?

"Sure, we'll get the demons outta yer kid, one way or another."

You guys have a problem with the way I decorated my truck? THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FORGOTTEN!

Let he who is without sin kick the first ass!

Are we too late to protest scientology?

Vote 'no' on separation of church and state or we vote 'yes' on separation of bone and leg.

One of these men needs advice, either: Never bring a bat to a gunfight, OR you're an douchebag if you bring a gun to a baseball game.

Man, those Jews For Jesus guys don't mess around.

Although I walk through the valley of death I shall fear no evil because I am the baddest mutha fucker in the valley.

The new orthodox sect is seriously hardcore...

"Hey, are you guys here for the Toys For Tots pickup?"

The 6th film from Quentin Tarantino: Pope fiction

"Honey, the Priests from next door are here, they want their ball back, and i think they mean business!"

"did he say he's hiring us as missionaries or mercenaries?" "i don't know, let's just go as both"

..This Summer, Dane Cook and Eddie Izzard together in " Funky Monks". *Soundtrack by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

When you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

"I like to touch kids? Real funny. You know what else is funny?"

Dan Brown's worst nightmare.

The Padres weren't going to let Barry Bonds hit #756 in *their* park.

The Vatican's answer to bible bashing was controversial but no one dared to complain.

As the pope watched dog the bounty hunter he realized the missionary potential reality tv had. It was only a matter of time before the catholic church cashed in.

God only asks 10%, 10%! I myself give 11 percent just to be safe. So whats with this 5 bucks in the collection plate huh asshole? Somebody else been dying on the cross for you lately?

PREPARE TO BE EXCOMMUNICATED MUTHAFUCKAS!

i said the ball was fair, lets just ask this unbiased fan here behind me...i thought so

Comming soon to channel 5: When priests attack!

"Have you seen an alcoholic dog on a mushroom binge?" "Because we are going to teach that a mutt a thing or two about REPENTANCE".

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Your genuflection was a bit off today in mass.

Every time you masturbate god, sends gangsters to come and get you

When remade for the Russian TV, "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood" lost much of its peaceful ideals.

With Jesus as their catcher, and God on the outfield, the Catholic Baseball team were pretty much unbeatable.

"Tell you what, you can either serve God or you can see him. Your choice."

In Soviet Russia, Priest sins against you!

"I couldn't help but notice your absence in choich on Sunday...It hoits me to see your lack of conviction..do you enjoy makin me suffer and whatnot?"

When God failed to come through Pat Robinson's boys decided to enforce their own divine justice.

"man that cupcake isnt settling right dude, what should i do? "I dunno, wanna go kill some jews?"

After the children got wise, the priesthood had to resort to more drastic methods to get them to 'go for a ride'.

Ya know atheists just give me indigestion. You look like an atheist. NO? My gut is never wrong..

"Ey Louie, take my confession." "OK boss." "I confess I'm about to bust this foo'"