flyingmnky
"You know what, I think you're mistaken. I think you got it all mixed up your head like, ya know? So now tell me again, did Father O'Halloran touch you?"
flyingmnky
In trying out for Marsellus Wallace's crew, Toby & Leroy took the phrase "Get medieval on your ass" a little too literally...
Roland1232
Lemme say right off the bat, we're not gunning for huge donations here. We just hope you won't be so Jewy when the collection plate comes around next time, m'kay?
IrishTerror
You guys have a problem with the way I decorated my truck? THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FORGOTTEN!
Roland1232
Vote 'no' on separation of church and state or we vote 'yes' on separation of bone and leg.
noscoe
One of these men needs advice, either: Never bring a bat to a gunfight, OR you're an douchebag if you bring a gun to a baseball game.
Nebulon
Although I walk through the valley of death I shall fear no evil because I am the baddest mutha fucker in the valley.
winkihed
"Honey, the Priests from next door are here, they want their ball back, and i think they mean business!"
EatWit
..This Summer, Dane Cook and Eddie Izzard together in " Funky Monks". *Soundtrack by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
dilly
"did he say he's hiring us as missionaries or mercenaries?" "i don't know, let's just go as both"
Roger Rogerson
The Vatican's answer to bible bashing was controversial but no one dared to complain.
monsterjavabass
As the pope watched dog the bounty hunter he realized the missionary potential reality tv had. It was only a matter of time before the catholic church cashed in.
namesnatcher
i said the ball was fair, lets just ask this unbiased fan here behind me...i thought so
Tidybowlman
God only asks 10%, 10%! I myself give 11 percent just to be safe. So whats with this 5 bucks in the collection plate huh asshole? Somebody else been dying on the cross for you lately?
jamhottle
"Have you seen an alcoholic dog on a mushroom binge?" "Because we are going to teach that a mutt a thing or two about REPENTANCE".
flyingmnky
The new mob boss in town called himself The Pope and even his henchmen felt he went a little overboard with the theme...
Roland1232
"Ey Louie, take my confession." "OK boss." "I confess I'm about to bust this foo'"
Roland1232
Old habits died hard for ex-cop Vladimir, like beating confessions out of people.
nuro
"man that cupcake isnt settling right dude, what should i do? "I dunno, wanna go kill some jews?"
grafton
After the children got wise, the priesthood had to resort to more drastic methods to get them to 'go for a ride'.
Jesus_Christ
With Jesus as their catcher, and God on the outfield, the Catholic Baseball team were pretty much unbeatable.
thevelveturd
"I couldn't help but notice your absence in choich on Sunday...It hoits me to see your lack of conviction..do you enjoy makin me suffer and whatnot?"
Nebulon
When God failed to come through Pat Robinson's boys decided to enforce their own divine justice.
Tidybowlman
Ya know atheists just give me indigestion. You look like an atheist. NO? My gut is never wrong..
kingsteve14
It's tough to kneel with no fuckin' knee caps. I think you forgot to leave something in the collection plate bitch.
Bartholomew
When remade for the Russian TV, "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood" lost much of its peaceful ideals.
JasonF
The Boondock Saints/Trailer Park Boys crossover was somewhat less than a huge success.
Bobert45
After the writers strike, they began to make a string of religious hits. "Gangs of Vatican City" wasn't one of them.
ABCDGOLDFISH
We're renegade chefs. We pick our noses, spit phlegm into your soup and we don't wear white. Any hygiene inspectors like to make a brave comment, then STEP RIGHT UP.
Corpsy
Notorious R.I.P. paved the way for what was later to become known as Gangsta Goth.
TheDenv
Our chief weapon is surprise! Surprise and bats, bats and surprise. Our two weapons are surprise and bats, and guns. Our three weapons are suprise, and bats, and guns, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. Our four...
lawdragon
"A BAT? You brought a freaking BAT? Jesus, Damion nobody brings a bat to a gun fight! Ugh...Whatever, but you're going in first."
Nebulon
Although he had recently converted to Christianity, old habits died hard for Tom Sizemore.
Stretch
"Ya, I'm gonna brain you with this bat while Tommy here fills your car with bullet holes. But first lemme dig something out of my belly button."
Macavity
"Nuns on the run" didn't work as well with the gritty violent update as "Miami Vice" had.
muttley
I'm gonna be honest with ya. I believe that you tithed 10%. I really do. But Lenny, here. He thinks you only gave 5. So, we'd like to make sure. You don't have a problem showing us your last few paystubs, right?
phreesh
It takes a certain amount of attitude for a dude to get away with wearing a skirt.
zbeebs
If the old priest/young priest didn't drive the demon out, the Church sent in the big guns.
RoflsaurusRex
In west Philadelphia born and raised On the playground was where I spent most of my days Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school When a couple of guys Who were up to no good Startin making trouble
Shmichael
"Yeah, we're a religious gang, so what? You wanna fight about it? I have this bat with me. Hmm? No, you're right, I can't really hit you with it, but I can. I can, ummm... God damn it, this was a poor career choice.
zephyr949
The original KKK outfits didn't really go over to well during the early design stage.
awdragon
The new reality tv show, 'Carry on My Wayward Son: The Real Boondock Saints" premieres Friday. The critics are raving. Hey you fucking writers: this is an election year. Screw your personal problems. Get back to work.
vasrchr
OKAY! Who's the asshole that swapped his wife's pajamas for our jeans at the laundrymat!
farbermiller
you gotta choice... the truck, the brick wall, or the bat. one of them is going in your ass.
diddy0071
Alcoholics Anonymous' partnership with the Vatican failed at it's attempt to reach a younger urban audience.
TheBicyleThief
This was the last time Dan let his boss and her friends get drunk at his birthday party.
ArchibaldM
The priests at St. Ignatious were notorious for their aggressive attitude towards confession.
lilbrain
Never forget that Jesus is LOVE otherwise will be back and this time we'll rape your goat too.
evilbunnyslayer
Hello. We're from the brotherhood of St. Francis Assisi. Have you ever considered donating to the church?
Ranger
Neo: U sure this is the right Matrix? Morphius: Ummmmm.... http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=13&catid=20&sku=ENGL-CD00251
Hamper
Two things were immediately clear. 1. Tom Cruise had finally had enough of the gay rumors, and 2. Scientology had some serious private security that they were willing to loan to him.
Matthemus
God found that peace as his instrument just didn't work anymore. He told his priests to upgrade.
Matthemus
God was displeased with how his "peace" acts were going, he told his priests to "step it up a bit."
GravyJ
The secret brotherhood still watches and protects their sacred mural of that crazy bear in his blue sports jacket.
noscoe
Almost a match made in heaven, Mark was training for the upcoming home run derby, and Ted was an aspiring skeet shooter. They both dominated in the Vatican bi-yearly Olympics.
akagugo
Hey, what did you just say? Were you talking to me...? What the fuck were you telling me?
Ken Buddha
"Dude! You gonna take my picture before I've been in make-up. That's low, motherfucker."
Roland1232
Thou would find much profit in holding thine tongue about mine SUV's CO2 emissions.
Tofuloaf
After the failure of Matrix Revolutions, the Wachowski brothers had to resort to lesser known actors for further sequels.
Corpsy
If you drive around in a pickup truck with a giant sign that reminds everyone of the 9/11 attack, expect a meeting with Vince and Tony, the leaders of the death cult "Cthulhu Rises" and the real masterminds behind the attack.
I-Rod
The Vatican City Rednecks gang didn't do so well recruiting, but hey, they did have their own gang sign
john0
So there are these two jews who walk into a bar. Oh shit guys, I was only kidding.
grafton
He's still standing Dmitry. I think we just pissed the giant beaver off. Slowly back up into the truck and Drive Like Hell!!!
Mioljinr
Because of all the publicity surrounding pedophile priests, charm and discretion no longer worked for them. A more...direct approach was neccessary.
OlDirtyBen
With one serious error in judgement, Doug and Chad managed to do what decades of Scared Straight programs could not: They caused thugs everywhere to take a long hard look in the mirror and decide they'd better go back to junior college.
HomerJ
Why is the bear is so afraid of his syrup? What kind of question is that? We've got a big rumble with the Nuns of St Lucas, and you're asking about bears? WTF!
zoidbergMD
They may have bent a few official rules here and there, but no way were the Padres letting Bonds hit #756 in *their* ballpark.
Seban
This is the last picture taken before the Ku Klux Klan was destroyed from the inside by two african-americans. Only the negative was found. These white M-16s are pretty rare by the way.
johnndisco
So you can see, the bat and the gun did nothing to this truck. Now to show its full potential as the safest truck in america, I'll give it "the shocker!"
justin5609
The sad truth that there is a vigilante group responsible for tacky bear paintings!
ChickenFootSam
Excuse me... hi ma'am. Do you happen to have any jumper cables? Because we... what's that? Oh, they're in your husband's car? Oh ok, no problem. That's always the case, isn't it? They're always around except when you actually need them. Haha - no,
big
The print ad for Easton's new line of Assault Rifles was just a little too "Calvin Klein" crazy for most people's tastes
Overlut
As Dr. Nick introduced his 'medical team', Bob vowed never to miss another insurance payment.
CFKnight
Yeah, the bear had a drinking problem, but well placed graffiti can only teach him so much.....
RoflsaurusRex
In west Philadelphia born and raised, On the playground where I spent most of my days, Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool, And all shooting some b-ball outside of the school, When a couple of guys said "we’re up in no good," Started makin
RoflsaurusRex
In west Philadelphia, born and raised; on a playground is where I spent most of my days. Chillin out, maxin, relaxin' all cool and all shootin some b-ball outside the school when a couple of guys they were up to no good, startin makin trouble in
dilly
it's not a concrete wall, it's a mirror. those guys are about to attack an adorable cartoon bear.
dilly
mortimer the cartoon bear looked up from his porridge and realized the prophesy was about to come true.
robotsuperstar
Graffiti, the Golden Book's way, nothing illustrates the hardships of your dominion like a well mannered bear. AA!
MuscleMilk
Boy those nuns were pissed after having to keep their vows of silence for 15 years...and what the fuck? not a single razor in the damn place. 15 YEARS!! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MAKES TO YOUR PUSSY!??!
Atomsk
Yes! Said the Russian Bear, as he sipped vodka and watched the choir boys play "American" Baseball.
CFKnight
Everyone agreed the bear had a drinking problem, but family and friends agreed, sometimes well-placed graffiti just isn't enough.
emossy
Geneticists evolve silverback gorilla into mildly annoying street artist for a laugh.
emossy
...how hard you can look depending on what you're holding. The bear is dead meat.
J-BO
The marketing campaign for MANNEQUIN 3 was not going as well as Hollywood would have hoped...they should have brought back the gay black guy
lisagallantking
Perhaps you would like another chance to answer the question: "do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and saviour?" Take a moment to think about it.
gusmanimal
Hi, I'm Steve-O and I'm gonna put this egg up my ass...Somebody put me out of my misery. In the name of God, the angels and all that is holy, I'm an adult for Christ's sake.
Ranger
Neo and Morphius make it back to the homo Avalanche just in time to beat the shit outta them 2 albino ghosts. Trinity couldn't attend because she was PMSing somewhere's else. More anti-PMSing bullshit at: www.NeilsNotes.com
whitetrashninja
nobody fucks with the pope...or donnie wahlberg and his friends will beat the living shit out of you with a gold bat
Ranger
Let's get about 6 of us together then find a black Monk to beat up! www.NeilsNotes.com
granfaloon
In attempt to cater to younger parishioners, the vatican introduced the "EXTREME Piety" initiative.
sentrygun05
NO! Don't use the flash! OH GOD...... the crowd was blinded for three years after what became known as: "The Cameravan Incident"
Robot_Jesus
Looks like the Corleones did manage to get teh deal through with the Vatican
Raven_Rose
Are you coming back to the church quietly or do we need to send Father Guido & Father Tony after you?
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