Other Craptions

As they stepped out onto the ice, the team was distraught to notice a large crane mechanism hovering toward them from above...

"No! Stupid genie! I said 1,000 BEERS on ice!"

And thus, the bloodiest war Sergeant Snuggles had ever fought in ended in defeat.

Your girlfriend's a bit clingy - isn't she.

Thanks to the delivery mix-up, there are now also 8,000,000 cases of Molson Canadian beer sitting on Toys-R-Us shelves all across America.

Ground Zero at Santa's Crash Landing.

Some anonymous felons threw several hockey players onto the ice during the 4th annual Frozen Bear Clusterfuck.

The gang war between the NHL and the Ice Capades ended predictably.

Nightmare on Sesame Street

One rule change they said...one change!

John never worked in an NHL Marketing Department again after the "We can BEARly wait for the playoffs!" giveaway night debacle.

"GODDAMMIT! It's hard enough to prove hockey isn't gay without this shit happening."

Everyone knows the hat trick tradition. Only true hockey fans know what to do if someone wrists an infant in past the goalie.

If this won't get kids interested in sports, nothing will.

Distracted by all of the bears, no one seemed to notice the man in the upper left corner orally servicing his partner.

Paul had warned his teammates not to let his new friend Gizmo onto the slowly melting ice. They never listen....

Wait, aren't the Bears a football team?

The captains pulled the victorious hockey players back to the relative safety of their bench. The teddy bears had suffered massive losses during the first attack wave but the players knew that the real assault had yet to begin.

fuck poor kids in other countries. im throwing it on the ice.

Anne Geddes stages her most disturbing photograph to date.

Da Bears.

"Well, I guess now we'll have to go out to the parking lot to beat the shit out of one another."

Teddy Ruxpin: "You've won this round, Canada! But I'll be back!!" And the heroes all rejoiced, eh?

"Now I'm never going to find my tooth."

Yeah, all we get thrown at us is Teddy Bears!? I know i should have been a Rock Star.

Everyone knows the trick tradition. Only true hockey fans know what to do if a player wrists an infant past the goalie.

The Bruins got a two-minute penalty for too many men on the ice.

Those who weren't polar, quickly perished.

TIME OUT! The mother fucking Zombie Teddy Bears are breaking through the ice again.

Al-Qaeda's newest recruits are unclear on a couple of subjects: the meaning of 'soft targets' and 'attacking places people actually give a damn about.'

We ended our strike for this???

Freddy noticed that most of the teddy bears had Kool-Aid lips, confirming his fears that this was another Jonestown.

They were all scared, but the captain knew he must lead his team onto the ice. No teddy bears were going to keep this team from skating to a 1-1 tie and eventually losing in a shootout.

IN FLANDERS RINKS the teddies blow Between the stuffing row on row, That mark our place; and in the stands The fans, still bravely singing, swill, Scarce heard amid the cries below.

"Hello, NHL players. I'd like to play a game. In this arena, somewhere, lies your teddy. Strapped to each respective bear is a vile of corrosive liquid with a ten-minute timer. To save the teddy, you must manually remove the vile, using your bare han

and after clubbing them, the stuffed animals were skinned and the fur used to clothe baby seals...

This was an ice cleaning that would haunt the zamboni driver for years.

It's always easy to tell when the Zamboni needs a tune-up.

Having watched the last teddy die, Todd wondered if hockey sticks were really the best way to clean the poisoned ice.

300 on ice. A Walt Disney production.

The stuffed bears team used all of their players, but were still no match for the human team.

Hockey fans did not take to pedophile night very well.

Urban Dictionary: Paddington Ambush

We finnaly got those cabbage patch kids off of the ice now we can get back to our ga-- Oh, GODDAMNIT!

Obviously the Care Bears were the inferior team.

as the ice melted the team looked in awe as the stadium was built over a teddy bear factory.

Yeh, my teddy bear froze to the ice so we through a couple more to get it unstuck.

Chris Hanson may have met his match on To Catch a Predator...

By hockey season, FEMA had still failed to find housing for the teddy bear population of New Orleans.