planB
"Are you sure this is the easiest way to measure the rink?" "Yes. Go get more bears."
omgtehlindsay
As they stepped out onto the ice, the team was distraught to notice a large crane mechanism hovering toward them from above...
dogico
And thus, the bloodiest war Sergeant Snuggles had ever fought in ended in defeat.
Wembley
Thanks to the delivery mix-up, there are now also 8,000,000 cases of Molson Canadian beer sitting on Toys-R-Us shelves all across America.
usedretainers
Some anonymous felons threw several hockey players onto the ice during the 4th annual Frozen Bear Clusterfuck.
Wembley
John never worked in an NHL Marketing Department again after the "We can BEARly wait for the playoffs!" giveaway night debacle.
keeks137
Everyone knows the hat trick tradition. Only true hockey fans know what to do if someone wrists an infant in past the goalie.
roninhobbit
"GODDAMMIT! It's hard enough to prove hockey isn't gay without this shit happening."
usedretainers
Paul had warned his teammates not to let his new friend Gizmo onto the slowly melting ice. They never listen....
Concresence
Distracted by all of the bears, no one seemed to notice the man in the upper left corner orally servicing his partner.
Concresence
The captains pulled the victorious hockey players back to the relative safety of their bench. The teddy bears had suffered massive losses during the first attack wave but the players knew that the real assault had yet to begin.
lawdragon
Teddy Ruxpin: "You've won this round, Canada! But I'll be back!!" And the heroes all rejoiced, eh?
Fairview
"Well, I guess now we'll have to go out to the parking lot to beat the shit out of one another."
keeks137
Everyone knows the trick tradition. Only true hockey fans know what to do if a player wrists an infant past the goalie.
JAIlovar
Yeah, all we get thrown at us is Teddy Bears!? I know i should have been a Rock Star.
Nebulon
TIME OUT! The mother fucking Zombie Teddy Bears are breaking through the ice again.
namesnatcher
and after clubbing them, the stuffed animals were skinned and the fur used to clothe baby seals...
bunnylefevre
Al-Qaeda's newest recruits are unclear on a couple of subjects: the meaning of 'soft targets' and 'attacking places people actually give a damn about.'
am4fm2000
IN FLANDERS RINKS the teddies blow Between the stuffing row on row, That mark our place; and in the stands The fans, still bravely singing, swill, Scarce heard amid the cries below.
scarecrow8
"Hello, NHL players. I'd like to play a game. In this arena, somewhere, lies your teddy. Strapped to each respective bear is a vile of corrosive liquid with a ten-minute timer. To save the teddy, you must manually remove the vile, using your bare han
kingsteve14
They were all scared, but the captain knew he must lead his team onto the ice. No teddy bears were going to keep this team from skating to a 1-1 tie and eventually losing in a shootout.
turdfurgeson
Freddy noticed that most of the teddy bears had Kool-Aid lips, confirming his fears that this was another Jonestown.
PaulTMD
This is what happens when nobody runs a zamboni over the ice after the Furries rent the stadium out for a convention.
romeodeltabravo
In an attempt to reduce violence in sports, the NHL decides to make it a more child friendly environment.
Concresence
The NHL's new campaign to soften the sport's image was seriously bumming out the players.
etank1111
When the clock strikes nine, the hockey players drop their teddies and get ready for nap time.
Nebulon
No one will ever know why Santa had chosen that particular hockey arena, but later it emerged he had ties to extremist groups at the North Pole.
ProCynic
Guys, not only is attempting to symbolically portray the Cold War a really bizarre idea, you're doing it in a way which, if I'm honest, I find disturbing.
Roland1232
The teddy bear traps had worked perfectly. The hunters would make a fortune. But first, a jubilant game of hockey.
OlDirtyBen
The Axe Body Spray Vladimir borrowed from Teddy Ruxpin didn't work out as he had hoped.
BigPhillyMan
While the 3 goal hat trick is common enough, the rarely seen, 9 goal bear trick is the greatest phenomenon in sports today.
nuro
if you submit more then two captions flaming robots should come to your house and punch your stupid face.
grafton
Thinking that the annual seal cull wasn't gruesome enough, Canada institutes the First Annual Teddy Bear massacre.
kingsteve14
The stuffed bears team used all of their players, but were still no match for the human team.
rafa88offspring
They tried looking for Waldo, but little did they know that Waldo had already left to Blowjob Island.
diddy0071
After Loggers destroyed the rainforest, PETA decided to try new alternatives to finding homes for wildlife.
bobblack555
By hockey season, FEMA had still failed to find housing for the teddy bear population of New Orleans.
johnndisco
Having watched the last teddy die, Todd wondered if hockey sticks were really the best way to clean the poisoned ice.
Kerrek
We finnaly got those cabbage patch kids off of the ice now we can get back to our ga-- Oh, GODDAMNIT!
grumnut1
as the ice melted the team looked in awe as the stadium was built over a teddy bear factory.
grumnut1
Yeh, my teddy bear froze to the ice so we through a couple more to get it unstuck.
JasonF
In their most difficult challenge ever, the 07-08 Pittsburgh Penguins faced off against twelve-hundred unruly toddlers. There were no survivors.
Xander
I have a few questions... Where did they get the teddies? How did they know they were going to use the teddies? What are they going to do with the teddies? Did they know that there were going to be teddies so they already had a plan? I believe this i
Xander
Where did they get the teddies? How did they know they were going to use the teddies? What are they going to do with the teddies? Did they know that there were going to be teddies so they already had a plan? This is more a conspiracy then the North A
Xander
NHL: National Teddy League "Hey, there's no 'T' in 'NHL'." "Shh. Be quiet, the teddies don't know that."
Xander
If you look carefully, you can see a black box in the middle left. There's nothing really usual about it, I'm just pointing it out. I mean, I guess it would be funny if it hit one of the players in the head.
Xander
The players already get paid upwards of $1 million a year, and we're giving them teddies?!
thewarholian
And the #1 threat to America... people who take TV satirists too seriously?
AngryRantingBob
Zee 'ockey players 'ave entered zee rink to play zee 'ockey, 'owever they do not realize that ther bears aren't stuff, they're just 'ibernating
awdragon
After Monsanto's "Round-Up Ready" stuffed animals destroy all other plant life on Earth, this is what it's going to look like when the fans get pissed.
Concresence
Jesus!! Not another mass teddy bear suicide!!! I think I'm going to be sick.
etank1111
Hockey players to right of them, Hockey players to left of them, Hockey players behind them Volley'd and thunder'd; Storm'd at with shot and pucks, While the teddy bears fell, They that had fought so well Came thro' the jaws of Death, Back fr
sevpay
"Teddy Bear Genocide Night" didn't go over as well as the marketing team had hoped.
swiss
After three days and nights of gruesome bloodshed, the Teddybear NHL war concludes.
Nebulon
Licking up the blood on the ice was one way the bears could make extra cash but the real money changed hands in the locker room after the game. Times were hard since Teddy Bear Junction filed for bankruptcy.
user
In 2034 robo-teddybear fights became extremely popular in the US. Noone remembered why the rules requested the fight to be held on ice, but having retired hockey players to clean up the mess was just the next logical step.
amadeus_rex
Who at the NHL decided it would be cool if "Build-A-Bear Workshop" had it's own team?
grafton
Finally Santa just had enough of the Land of Misfit Toys and decided to take care of it once and for all.
BunnyBordeaux
Mark had his eye on that pretty white teddy bear with the red bow as soon as it hit the ice...and nothing was going to stop him from getting it!
emp
"Oh god, it's terrible!" "You're kidding, right? This is nothing compared to the great Furby Massacre of 02"
rafa88offspring
They tried looking for Waldo, but little did they know, he had already left to Blowjob Island.
mrbongonwc
Though they were new, the Minnesota Muppets knew there had to be better ways to celebrate a win.
vasrchr
Springtime in Canada. The ice melts, the hockey players retreat to colder regions and the sun brings forth the bears from their snowy hibernation.
ginenbijnoam
The hockey team realised it was a bad idea after all to hold a sleepover party on the field.
frankdatank
So many lives lost after the battle though the villagers were flocking out of their boxes to have a feast.
vasrchr
Capt. Kirk returned to Earth and played pro hockey, but still could not get away from those damn Tribbles!
wooglin
So, let me get this straight. 3 goals is a hat trick and 7 goals is a stuffed animal trick?
Eddie_the_Hated
While these images may be disturbing, they serve as an irrefutable reminder of the atrocities commited during the Teddycaust.
bobblack555
By hockey season, FEMA had still failed to find housing for the teddy bear population of New Orleans...
luis1210
When they stepped out onto de rink, the team of manly man couldn't help the tears as they looked upon the huge massacre of teddy bears...
Cracked_Addict
As the Jamaican hockey team entered the rink, they were immensely relieved to see who todays opponents would be.
Errins
After the success of the outdoor games, the NHL held a series of progressively stupider outdoor-related events, culminating in the Hunting Meets Hockey Shootout.
rebel
The ceremonial Teddy Bear orgy on Ice was interrupted by strange men in matching liatards this afternoon
big
Usually when a team is called "The Giants" it's symbollic, but look at these guys. They fuckin' tower over BEARS for gawd's sake.
DoctorSmooth
After months of studying this photograph the FBI found a hidden message within The Advertisment Boards which read.... Da Subway Telus, CocaCola. I think its possible to name a suspect.
mrtitoman
The Make a Wish children showed their displeasure with Syndey Crosby failed to fulfill their last wish.
Donut
"World domination always begins with a thousand charging little girls. Trust me, they'll never expect it."
grumnut1
The drug muel of the team discreatly tried to pick up the teddy bears he had hidden under his shirt.
Trev
"Daddy, can I have another quarter, please?" "Alright honey, but if you don't get the goalie this time, we're leaving."
lindsey_k86
Fuzzy Wuzzy looked onward at his fallen brethren and knew that the day was lost.
Oliver
underground organization use brutal meathods and tactics to Rig Game big league ice hockey game.
Gussfather
The "Remembrance Truck" was just the project to keep Giuliani occupied following his withdrawal from the Presidential race.
Rogue1stclass
The pre-game Teddy Bear picnic was enjoyable for children of all ages. But the mayo had gone bad. Very bad...
X_Disowned_X
you know cat i would look huge if you werent here... maybe hung like a horse too
EmeraldArcher
In the NHL's latest bid at improving player safety, pucks have been replaced with snuggably soft teddy bears.
morgla
At dawn the mist had faded, but the horrid stench of plush still remained. The victorious was tending to their wounded, leaving the fuzzy dead to decompose where they had fallen.
stackismom
who knew the rink was built over an ancient teddy bear burial site? Now it was their turn!
pebbles_red66
As the zombie bears came crashing through the ice, the players quickly realized that they were standing on an old indian bear-ial ground.
soapie91
Everyone knew Tonka trucks would create a teddy bear genocide.....what was shocking is how they realized they could hide the bodies in a hockey rink, for only the Canadians watch hockey....and we all know they wouldn't say a word just to avoid confli
stackismom
After losing every game of the season the Toronto Teddy Bears were asked to never step on the ice again by their once loyal fans.
Orin95
The power rangers through they had hidden their mega-zord well... but apparently not well enough.
Ranger
Geez guys...there's more stuffing here on the ice than we've done with under-aged girls in the locker room all season! www.NeilsNotes.com
Ranger
What do you mean you can't tell which one is ticking?!?! You lost the series for us asshole!!! www.NeilsNotes.com
Hoju
Jefferson Airplane's first live performace left many confused and even more disturbed.
13.tattoos
It didn't take too long after he was shot out of the cannon for John to realize that noone had set up his landing cushion....
Shatzi
The Ultimate Fighting Championship between the hockey team and the Teddy Bears ended predictably enough..
kelleej
After the sale of Never Never Land, the bears had to go somewhere that resembled the ninth circle of hell.
MrWiseguy
It had been a hard battle, but the hockey team knew they had saved the planet from the invading army of teddy bears
Kordo
In hindsight, Dr. Doom realized he should have animated something a little meaner than teddy bears...
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