Other Craptions

Despite his wonderful tackling ability, everyone wondered why he didn't just play basketball.

It's common knowledge that steroids have shrinking effects on the scrotum, but little did we know that they have shrinking effects on the rest of the world.

Not pictured: A 60 foot Lucy setting up a football.

The monster looked impressive, but because he was a dolphin, he only seemed impressive at first, before ultimately disappointing everyone in Miami.

The '72 Dolphins unveil their final plan for derailing the Patriots' perfect season... Mecha-Csonka!

Oh! Wile E. Coyote! Will you ever learn?

110%? No, I've never really had to give 110%.

The japanese fear Godzilla. White people fear black recievers.

That's right, and you KEEP those steroid investigations focused on Major League Baseball!

All the tuna in the city is now dolphin safe. Transgressors will be punted. Survivors will be punted again.

Roughing the Statue of Liberty. That's a 15-mile penalty, automatic first down.

Flag on play - Defensive foul, number 99: grinding the quarterback into a fine red mist. 15 yards.

Japan's latest Kaiju movie comes under criticism for vieled anti-American imagery...a cowboy eating a hamburger.

No, I wouldn't really say I'm the biggest Dolphins fan. Lately they've really been kinda... oh, wait, I get it.

And they only won one game this season!

On the set of Ace Ventura 3: Finkel's Revenge

Cloverfield was interesting, but ultimately disappointing.

"Come on, they're gonna be pushovers.", "I dunno, I heard they've got this new guy..."

At first the X-Men scoffed at Tyrone's ridiculous mutant ability to convert disappointment into physical strength. Never has being a Dolphins fan paid off so well.

"Yes you heard me correctly.... 1000 on Miami -300 points"

For Mike, Getting a Colonoscopy was worse then for normal people.

What John lacked in skill, he made up for in his ability to fall across the line.

Where the white women at!?

Despite generous performance bonuses, Alex discovered Pro Football payed better than installing television antennas.

Human Growth Hormone, My Ass. I’m Clean!!

In the end it was not beauty that killed the beast, but rather his poor rushing game.

Just breathe and try to relax, we'll have it out in a minute.

for years, Greg was bullied by the bigger kids. then Greg got a crane.

As much as he raised their self-esteem on the field, he crushed it in the showers.

If you thought that Ghostbuster 2 sucked wait till you see what #3 will bring to the table

The idea for the original Cloverfield monster was shot down when everyone remembered how crappy the Miami Dolphins are.

Shit, forget the steroids and HGH, someone should really enforce the use of cranes in professional sports.

i said just give me the damn ball!!!

Though Paul Bunyan would go on to become one of Miami's greatest linebackers in history, Babe the blue ox was cut early as a place kicker.

The people of New York were none too pleased to learn what the Department of Homeland Secutiry had decided would be their defense against another Cloverfield-like attack.

The government unveils its newest plan to help keep terrorists away.

On his way to the job interview, Peter thought, "Maybe I shouldn't have dropped that acid."

Towing heavy machinery was his job, but football was his LIFE!

Never hire the cheapest mutant containment crew.

Move along folks. Nothing to see here. Move along...

Just in case Godzilla shows up in Miami

Jimmy 'BeanPole' McKowski was famous for his 110-yard field goals.

The Lilliputions discovered Gulliver was a mean quarterback.

Paying homage to thier recent season, Miami officals predit the number of games to be won in the next 40 years

As fitting as it would have been for Jamal to play on the Giants, he also loved helmet-wearing porpoises.

After the whole kid-killing, mob-coming-up-to-the-castle thing in his childhood, Frankenstein went on to have a successful career in sports.

"A little to the left... now higher... higher... right there! Ahhhh."

"Let me put these rumors to rest right now." "I have NEVER used HGH! EVER!"

well, you know what they say about guys with big feet...they grow huge mechanized dinosaur tails.