Shmichael
"I would like to move my house to the top of a mountain." "We can't do that, sir." "Well what CAN you do?"
flyingmnky
Construction was almost complete before the foreman realized that "inconvenience store" was a typo.
monsterjavabass
After the nuclear war there will be three things left in world: Cockroaches, Keith Richards, and Starbucks
AdjectiveNoun
In New Orleans, those unable to afford flood insurance are forced to get creative.
namesnatcher
the giant butt-print means that when Rosie sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house...
markem
the food was awesome but the parking? don't get me started on the fucking parking....
dilly
George Bush's original model for the 9-11 memorial came to him in a burst of inspiration while he was playing in the white house sandbox with a sandcastle bucket and his Polly-Pocket Condemnable Structure Playset.
Daercoma
What do you mean we spent our budget on the moat? Does this mean no moat monster? What the hell is the point of a moat if there's no fucking moat monster?
Mr.Harrisonsan
Cute lil' fixer upper! With a bit of attention, this house with brilliant hilltop views throughout will shine! Call now!
theseattleseven
And that was the last fu**ing time Ming's botched a call-in order from the construction crew.
Mioljinr
They wanted to buy me out, but I was all like, "It's my business, bitches, I ain't sellin'" and they were, like, "You're a fucking asshole, dude." Well, who's the asshole now, huh? I WON, I FUCKING WON, BIOTCHES!!!
BigWorm
This quick witted Iowa family figured only a moat could keep the campaigning politicians at bay.
balmlb
When Zeke saw his new apartment, he blurted out obscenities, thinking "why the hell does this place have a garage?"
Austin316
After years of searching, Dr. Klipsring was a little let down when he finally found Atlantis.
kingsteve14
The tiny nation of buildington is home to over 3 people. They haven't left the country in a while though. While they have a fully stocked arsenal of petrol bombs and lunatic strength, nobody brought any rope.
IlfordRule
Mr. Smith took digging to China as a child far too seriously. In his fervor as an adult, he failed to realize a fatal flaw in his base camp plans.
BunnyBordeaux
After 265 seasons of CBS airing Survivor, the creativity wasnt there anymore and they just said "Fuck it"
MrBallistic
"Hello, Wangs Chinese." "I would like some Kung Pow beef and egg rolls." "Ok will that be all" "Yes, I was wondering, do you deliver?" "You see, this is where it gets complicated."
Sweetlips
Bob the Builder's bulldozer met hard times when he left him for Candy the Pornstar.
Marriage_Sucks
What concerns me is that at some point during the planning of this excavation, someone said, "Hey, you guys know what would be a good idea?"
JoshGecko
Johnny didn't think about the consequences of lighting his fart on fire before it was too late...
akowaleski
Mr. Johnson stoutly resisted the government's attempts at eminent domain, but he was no match for a creative and determined bureaucracy.
BritneysWig
The locale was odd, and parking is a bitch, but the place was surprisingly wheelchair accessible.
Captain Smokes
"It cost me $30,000 to rent the excavation equipment but you have to admit that this is he best prank anyone has ever pulled on their high school principle." "no dude, you a complete moron." "I'm going to get so many chicks once I've been on MTV.
Roland1232
"And make sure you tell him how you want it. It's not like a haircut, it won't grow back."
Roland1232
After seeing outside his window, Patrick corrected his day's fortune: "You will have unexpected windfall" "You will have unexpected wind, fall"
Roland1232
"Now junior!", said the Mama Digger. "You're just eating around the houses. You want to be big and strong don't you? No dessert until you finish that shack."
WhateversClever
Jack was an old-fashioned but kind man, and was confused by advanced technology such as security cameras and computers. So he went old school with a moat, motha fucka !
hollis4
Bring in the gators before you fill with water, Hillary can swim. Don't forget to paint vote Obama on the side.
DNASnatcher
Collectively, they let out a sigh of relief. The underground bomb shelter had worked better than any of them could have possibly imagined.
SaltyChuck
Sometimes, when I'm bored, I like to order a pizza. Then, in twenty minutes, hilarity insues.
IrishTerror
Hang on a sec, I wanna put some more coins in the meeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SWEET MERCIFUL CHRIST! MY CAR!
fishmonkeyfiend
(crying)"who really won John? You've lost your job, half your house, and now your family? And for what? For what? It was just a gopher." "Hey, man, that gopher was HUGE."
DesertEagle
Mrs. Everly, it's Paul from next door. Fine, how are you? Listen, your dog has been digging in my yard again, could you please keep him on a leash like we discussed?
Alegoo92
I'm telling you: the moat will pay off in the long run. The Johnson's got one and they haven't had a SINGLE incident with the armada.
nirot
Sadly, Tim's business was closed only a few short days after it's opening. Something about not being wheelchair accessible...
Wilson
Archers to the causeway! Pikemen to the gate! They will break upon our fortress like water! Let them come!
aborym
Now that they had a fortress, there would be no stopping Cracked from purveying dick jokes to the whole world.
AdjectiveNoun
Rebuilding in New Orleans continues at a snails pace. Many are scared away by the lack of flood insurance, but some have created their own solutions
CaptainSpanky
"I refuse to tell my shop to the water treatment facility! What's the worst that could happen?"
Marcos
As the housing market collapsed, banks had to go a little deeper to recoup their losses.
drunkpiano
Shortly after the advent of the moat, several scientists collaborated to create the "anti-moat." Turns out that the alligators who filled the original moat are a lot less useful on land.
bobbo_the_greak
Superman normally hid his fanny pack under the cape, but Casual Friday had it's own meaning in the JLA.
xenex11
To your left, you'll see the last original building from the city's historic "giant turd" district...
Quadrillion
Chung Su's famous "Toxic Hot and Sour" Soup combined with his nasty habit of peeing off of the roof had dire consequences.
polykleitos
When the coroner arrived at the scene he was stunned to find that John Goodman's hemorrhoid had grown to such a great size that there were in fact people living on it.
CaptainWow
Todd's wife couldnt help but feel he'd over-reacted to the teepeeing his house had received on hallowe'en.
polykleitos
Mega man's cat sidekick never made it into the final version of the game. I think we know why.
Calciphoce
The foolish man built his house on the sand. The wise man built his house on the rocks. When the flood came, only the man with the coolest clubhouse was the one left standing
samdamndietz
mr smith bought the ocean side property, but they were still working on the ocean.
bigbadboots
"I thought this was an audition for 'Cats', but I'm getting my ass kicked by a girl in a wrestling match!"
Bobert45
Ever wonder what WWE and flamboyant dancers mixed together looked like? Neither did I.
scoob
Crazy larry's giant poop store on a giant poop ball emporium!! Crazy larry's giant poop store on a giant poop ball emporium!!
fakitol
With jeanne's bladder incontinence worsening, the girls desperately try to mask the sound.
gusmanimal
Hi, I'm Steve-O and I'm gonna put this egg up my ass...Somebody put me out of my misery. In the name of God, the angels and all that is holy, I'm an adult for Christ's sake.
Ranger
When video of Rosie O'Donnell's colonoscopy was released...no one was really suprised. www.NeilsNotes.com
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