roninhobbit
The doomed children could only stare in awe as the Panda's mighty chi attack seemed to bend the air itself.
jims
Hey kid, I'm not from here. I'm looking for two of my Panda friends, one is wearing a red corset, and the other is wearing, uh, a "harness." You seen 'em?
RawShark
To protect the pandas from dangered, they are kept in a small dirty plastic sphere. Away from food, water and air, which are potentially dangerous.
tj21
So, so I says to her "no bitch, I'm not that kind of guy" and then the chinamen scientist gets all pissed and tells them I'm a... a "show panda!" ME! A SHOW PANDA! Go figure. ...anyway, why are you guys OUTSIDE of this globe?
benfoffenbock
1) Take a panda. 2) Put it in a transparent plastic sphere. 3) ??? 4) Profit.
Crenshaw
Ning Ning begged the children not to shake the snowglobe again...but it was just too damn fun.
Dooops
So you see kids, your mommy and daddy sent WWF money to save me because I am endangered. Unfortunately, the best idea they had was to put every remaining panda in a bubble to protect them.
keeks137
The Flaming Lips came to a gruesome end when two punk kids pulled the ole 'Live Panda in the Crowd-Surfing Ball' gag.
aborym
After that fateful incident, Roy Horn took several ingenious precautions: 1) Train a gentler beast. 2) Keep it in a bubble. 3) Have children he could out-run on stage with him.
Roland1232
The panda distracts the kids with his mime routine as the koala ties their shoelaces together. Because it doesn't matter which continent you're from, bears are assholes.
Roland1232
"Do I have any Hello Panda? Oh, like the cookies? That's a riot, kids. I hope I don't laugh so hard I fall out of here and accidentally fuck your moms".
aborym
Them's fightin' words! You're lucky there's a giant bubble between us, you little shit.
cigjonser
"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti, fthfthfthfthfthfth!"
deepkick
child, do not let my cute exterior and this bubble barrier fool you, so help me god i WILL tear your face off!
kanelstrejf
BEAR: "ROOOAR ROOOOOAR!!!" CHILD: "what is the bear saying?" MOTHER: "it's just the bears way of uttering happiness!" BEAR TRANSLATION: "AAAIR! I NEED AIR! PLEASE!"
nuro
The chronic masterbation was a problem, but the panda was just too popular an attraction to keep behind closed doors.
JZuck49
The two young kids had to seek the advice of Pandabal Lecter to find who had been behind the vicious atomic wedgies.
aborym
The panda raised his shields before his luxurious coat went all to shit at their sticky, filthy little hands.
Quellish
Due to an unfortunate misunderstanding the zookeeper ended up on the Sex Offender Register after offering to show the children his "bear balls".
BunnyBordeaux
Billy, the smallest memeber of the Canadian Mounted Patrol, reads Pauly the Panda his rights before sending him away for Public Intoxication.
Vegemighty
The original ending of 2001 A Space Odyssey replaced the space child with a panda
omgtehlindsay
Outside the Christmas season, snow globes often take a turn for the bizarre.
mr1swift
a couple of days ago I saw a couple of panda bears doing S/M now there seems to be this panda bear being encased in a giant fishbowl. whatever drug i'm taking I need to double the dosage.
xenex11
Life in a bubble is lonely. In order to get more people to visit him, Timmy resorted to wearing silly costumes.
Stavros
"Hey your daddy is the scientist who put me in this thing, isn't he?! Well here is what I think of that!"
poopy
Man: So what'cha reading Bull: Some "cock and bull" story. Man: Oh yeah Bull: yeah Man: cool
BritneysWig
Encased in his icy death, the panda bear reached out his giant claw in desperation, and the kids all but mocked him as his heart slowly came to a rest.
Shmichael
"Kids, I'll lets you have all the ice cream you want if you just give me back that magical wishing hat!"
Jesus_Christ
And though they were seperated by a large plastic bubble, their eyes met, and it was inter-species love at first sight. Beastiality had never been so lustful.
CaptainSpanky
No, I don't spray liquid feces all over my globe until the ten o'clock show. Come back then, kids!
Rienke
First S&M Panda's in a mall and now prisoner panda's in snowglobes. I don't know where but, Cracked, seek help.
Roland1232
Andy Dufresne had a quiet air about him. Like he had on an invisible coat that protected him from this place. Yeah, I think it's safe to say I liked Andy from the start. So I ate him.
cigjonser
"Christmas has been over for almost a month. Tell your lazy-ass dad to GET ME OFF THE DAMNED FRONT LAWN ALREADY!!"
StantheGarbageMan
Having human actors in the world's largest snow globe turned out to be a disaster as the air supply became low.
vidism7
john travolta trying a new spin on his old movie of the "Boy in the Bubble.....Celebreates Halloween".
Jaker
The panda continues to beg for freedom, but the children just loike panda burgers way too much
Jaker
The panda continues to beg for his freedom, unfortunally for him, children of this generation just enjoy panda burgers too damn much
Jaker
He continues to beg for his freedom, unfortunally for him children of this era just enjoy panda burgers too damn much
JeanMarlowe
Jeremy desperately tried to explain how to shatter the snowglobe, but his emancipation would have to wait yet another day as the children simply didn't have the strength.
Dooops
So you see kids, your mommy and daddy sent WWF money to save me because I am endangered. Unfortunately, the best idea they had was to put every remaining panda in a bubble to protect us.
JewelsVern
"I guess I'm actually lucky," he thought. "That hag could just as easily have turned me into a fish. Or a toad."
MrNjorl
Just in time for the 2008 Olympics, China reveals their latest souvenier, the endangered species snowglobe. Act now, only 3,458 remaining!
simplicityiskey
After an unfortunate incident at an elementary school last year, Sexual Harassment Panda was forced to remain in a plastic bubble when in the presence of children.
vasrchr
BOY: Gee Annie! Look at that cute bear! Just like the teddy at home. He looks so warm and gentle. Think he wants a hug? BEAR: Damn! If I could just get my paw on bomber boy and carrot top I'd like to shread their torsos and eat their entrails for
MrNjorl
Just in time for the 2008 Olympics, China has revealed it's latest collectible, the Endangered Species Snowglobe!!! Act now, only 3,458 remaining!
vasrchr
BOY: Gee Annie! Look at that cute bear! Just like our teddy. He looks so warm and gentle. Think he wants a hug? BEAR: Damn! If I could just get my paw on bomber boy and carrot top I'd like to shread their torsos and eat their entrails for lunch.
rubytuesday
It's a scary thing. But for everyone's own protection, including the panda's, Gingers must be kept on the other side of the glass at all times.
akiyoshi
Kid's Mother: That's what is going to happen to you if you don't go to school...
fehlzy
Seconds later, Ling Ling finally rolled the bubble of its base, and crushed those gawking little bastards.
RhinoDoc
In his latest escape attempt, Bubble Boy dressed as a panda and tried to garner sympathy from small children.
mrbongonwc
Having saved the USS Big Rock Candy Enterprise and slowly dying of radiation, Panda Spock said good bye to Baby Kirk and Lil' Bones.
kingsteve14
The kids could only watch as the panda slowly suffocated. It's not really funny, just kind of sad.
pronk48
John was pleased that his kids were enjoying his surprise, he just wished he hadn't stopped at Taco Bell on his way back from the costume shop and Big Snow Globes R Us.
iscott
Here we see Sexual Harassment Panda after he broke under the pressure of his quick rise in fame and succumbed to the temptations of everything he fought against.
montanaguy
Sadly ling-ling had to be confined to a large plastic sphere due to lead content concerns
justin5609
You know sarah, I saw this story the other day where some kids were taunting a tiger at the zoo. I didn't get to read all of it but I do believe they're famous or something...
markem
Paddy the Panda could taste victory: one more small shove and this glass bubble would topple off its pedestal, squash the shit out of these annoying children, and smash into pieces, thus freeing him from his life as a Peepshow Panda. Life was about t
BunnyBordeaux
Alright kid, Alright! I take it back, your mom is NOT a smelly pirate hooker! Now, put the razor blade away...
DNASnatcher
Looking back, the zoo's attempt to give their grounds a more festive look could probably be directly connected to the decline in morale among the animals.
kingsteve14
As the panda slowly suffocated the children watched hoping that soon someone would shake the giant snow globe again.
Fuzzy
C'mon kid. Put two quaters in, and turn the crank. I promise you'll get the panda this time and not another lame unicorn sticker.
teriyakisause
They'd tried to protect the last panda in the world by putting it in a bubble...3 days later it died...guess someone forgot the air hole.
dbclaman
In a strange twist of fate, little Bobby's snow globe turned life-sized. He and his girlfriend Anne could only pray that the 1/2" thick glass would protect them from the latest strain of Ailuropoda Flu sweeping across the Nation.
JorusC
There is a small but significant difference between a petting zoo and a heavy petting zoo.
PaulTMD
The government finally decided to segregate furries from the rest of society as part of their "Sick Fucking Freaks Of The World Snowglobes" exhibit. They could no longer reproduce and the children? Well, ignorance is bliss, we'll just say.
MrBungle
Travolta wasn't available for The Boy In The Plastic Bubble II, so a panda was brought in to play the part. Sadly, no one noticed the difference.
MrBungle
Ling Ling was sentenced to death by snowglobe for her part in the Bamboo Revolution of '08.
MrBungle
The real fate of the previous USS Enterprise captain, Christopher Pike. Turned into a panda for the intergalactic zoo.
Stavros
Remember in the 80's when they said we'd all be living in bubble houses by the year 2000? Boy, did they get that one wrong... only Panda's live in bubble houses now.
soxfan01
B-list horror movies hit an all time low with 'Attack of the living snowglobes'
soxfan01
B-list horror movies hit an all-time low with 'Attack of the Living Snowglobes'
soxfan01
B-list horror movies hit an all-time low with 'Attack of the Living Snow Globes'
Sweetlips
Evangelical Leaders soon found it was easier to brainwash the young with their ideas by using cute animals.
darcy
"if you tell me that i'm just a dirty clone one more time and i'm going to roll this bubble on you and make you pay. nice hat jackass."
homicidalhombre
Hey kids, ever heard of 'yiffing'?? LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!
homicidalhombre
Hey kids, ever heard of 'yiffing'?? It's when two adults love each other and . . hey I know the hot dog vendor may seem more interesting right now, but one day you'll appreciate this . .
megoodatengish
For protection the most deadly animal in the world is kept aa safe distance
rakuenCallisto
Upon the child sneezing at the zoo, he accidently enclosed the poor panda into a snot bubble.
pyr0nus
The only thing keeping the kids going was that they still KNEW Santa was real, and not in a bubble.
Topper
And with this fianl kill, the trio of Invisible Blind Ninjas defeated the last of their sworn enemy: Men With Crutches.
boone1887
Little known to the children, they would soon be devoured by the giant who owned the panda snow-globe.
deadpianoplayer
A look inside Larry Flint's pet project Lil' Hustler land. We go behind the scenes to see research and development for a youth focused peep show.
MeJeff
Price of accordion: $150 Price of dinner: $30 Watching his grandfather get his penis caught in the accordion: Priceless
dancarboni
There was only one way to keep the children safe from the pedophiliac Panda...
MastaRikta
It was a common tactic of the Chinese Triad gang to dress their enemies up in panda costumes, put them in a giant plastic ball in the park, and allow pedestrians to watch delightedly unaware as the unfortunate victim slowly starved to death.
Mr_K_Twig
Shushu just wouldn't face the fact that she belonged to an endangered species. It was as if she was living in a bubble.
Ranger
Just wait Sara. When Galactus shakes up the globe, the Panda pukes! www.NeilsNotes.com
HomerJ
Let me out! Jesus Christ let me out! In about 5 seconds their gonna put a female Panda in here and expect me to 'service' her!
dweiner75
Whatcha lookin' at?! What's the matter, never seen a panda in a bubble before?!
readhead445
After so many years, the captive panda, Pei Ling, has started to develop a "michael Jackson" type of longing for children.
myspoonistoobig
For some reason, they people at this zoo thought panda's lived underwater.
chadjared
'kid, i may be trapped in a bubble but if shes not back by 11- i'll rape you.' awkward pause 'im fuckin serious kid, i'll bring you into my bubble and fuck you right here for all the people to see. Serious. i rape kids in this bubble everyday
J-Storm
Realizing there were enough trees for both a lumberjack and a beaver, the two settle their differences, have a few drinks, and try to drive home a car only slightly less disturbing than a fucking six foot beaver wearing a hard hat.
szad
Clearly, not the Kung-Fu Panda. It would break a glass bubble like that just with its look...
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