Other Craptions

My head is up HERE, Gary.

Red Bull gives you wings! Bronze Bull gives you didactic expositions on socio-polity.

I no pronounce you golden man and four tiny wives.

This isn't so bad. There were some bronze kids last week and they were frozen in a much worse position than us.

Many people think that Hemmingway was his own harshest critic. Those people forget about that uppity fucking bull.

Most people's consciences take the form of an angel and a devil. Jim's is an educated bull and a tiny Hispanic family.

Well, that spell certainly didn't go right.

Wow, you're right, the Old Testament is pretty clear about what we should do. Kind of harsh on the "false god" thing, but...I'll go.

This statue commemorates the moment when Tom Cruise realized scientology was bullshit.

Everyone knows the golden cow, but few are aware of the Israelites lesser known false idol, "unimpressed golden geezer."

Shit, it's my wife and kids..just act natural.

Sometimes a book-marker is just a book-marker, Sigmund.

Dreamworks pictures were becoming more philosophical over time.

So, it says right here in the Bible that you can't worship me. But that doesn't mean we can't still be friends.

"On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place."

"And the final incantation to reverse this curse is...(please turn page)" CRAP!!

"ya, no seriously, it says right here that they're edible" "I dunno, they look kinda greasy..."

Jerry and Toro used to be the best of friends, but they've avoided eye contact ever since that alchemy incident.

"You know what's disgusting? The flesh of my forebears went into making the cover of this book." "Sorry about that, Bull." "Shut up. Dumb human. And this bookmark, too! Leather! Jesus, have you people no shame!"

Um... Todd... where's your other hoof?

He may look smart for an ungulate, but it's only a Grisham.

As the golden calf took up the Torah and read it aloud, Aaron is left to wonder if he had made a mistake.

Yet another unfortunate side effect of Zoloft.

Visit Rio: enjoy our white sand beaches, clear blue water, and child sacrifices to Moloch.

"Nope, it says right here, Moses went up Mt. Sanai and returned seeing everyone worshipping a Golden Calf. They completely left you out Dr. Freud." "Damn."

"I'm sorry, but your name just isn't on the list."

The remake of Jason and the Argonauts as directed by David Lynch.

While his brother Babe enjoyed a more famous lifestyle, Barry the Bronze Ox was content with his quiet intellectual existence with his life partner, Raul.

"Look Yahweh", said the Golden Calf. "The rules say its my turn to be God. You've had them under your thumb for millennia, and look at you, you don't even have any hair"

Just act natural...

So if you go to Rio and an ugly hag steps on your foot, you'd better be polite to her!

Daisy! i said SPF 50! now look at us!

"So I'm lookin' at this cow's balls, and some asshole in a robe appears and says somehthin' like, 'Smite that shit.'"

"Sunscreen? Sunscreen? Here it is. A lotion, spray or other topical product that is supposed to protect the skin from the sun's ultraviolet ... Yeah, we shouldn't have applied the bronzing product instead."

Sure, it says 'Thou shalt not worship any gods or false idols before Him' but it doesn't say anything about worshipping Woody Allen or really-well-versed smart cows

Ah dammit, somebody else got the Freud joke in.

"Totally contrived *shit*, Eddie. We can't publish this." But Eddie wasn't listening anymore... he now saw the way his wife gazed at the cow god, with such a strange familiarity. He'd been had.

Here we see the power of legend in action, as Babe the Blue Ox was actually Babe the Golden Rhodes Scholar, and Paul Bunyan was a short old man.

"Grab a book, Eiseinhower; you're going to be here for a while."

Who do you want the autograph to be dedicated to ?

Oh yeah?! Well, when I look up "Bald Pervy Old Men" in the dictionary, YOUR picture is right beside it!

the bull could read but had no opposable thumbs, so the blind man would turn the pages. GO TEAM!

Grand idols dedicated to gods of literate bovine and balding older men litter the beaches of Hawaii.

Please dont pee on my window again!

Look, I've never seen a bull read a book before, but I can tell you right now you're never going to make it in show business if you keep scratching your ass with the other hoof!

What the fuck are you talking about? The word "gullible" is too in the diction...Oh you son of a bitch!

Piz Buin Classic Brown Bronze DarkTanning Lotion joins the fight against illeteracy.

As they sat in the sun, Billy the Bull read his book on the philosophy of the world, whilst Arthur sat there and thought, "Silence.. Really is golden.."

While his bull searched for spiritual enlightenment all Bob could think of was whether or not to eat the the tiny children.