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Home > Craptions > Jan 18th, 2008
Other (Less)

Funny Craptions

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  • 46 Crack Ups
    Avatar cshanejor

    The 6,000,000 Peso Woman

  • 40 Crack Ups
    Avatar IrishTerror

    First generation blue tooth.

  • 29 Crack Ups
    Avatar Roland1232

    OK, you now have +5 Agility, but try to stay away from fire spells.

  • 26 Crack Ups
    Avatar keeks137

    Thank you doctor. I no longer feel self conscious because of the mole on my cheek.

  • 21 Crack Ups
    Avatar AdjectiveNoun

    Well mostly all the mind-control helmet does is make you enjoy wearing a mind-control helmet.

  • 16 Crack Ups
    Avatar WarpZone

    Cracked's porn has been sub-par as of late.

  • 16 Crack Ups
    Avatar cigjonser

    "I know kung fu."

  • 16 Crack Ups
    Avatar MrBungle

    "Okay, don't be alarmed, but when I poke this into your brain you're going to feel some pressure and then poop your pants."

  • 15 Crack Ups
    Avatar Mcjunker

    There I was, O my brothers, forced to viddy hours of real horrowshow lashings of the old ultraviolence, with all sorts of wires attached to my gulliver when I began to feel a malenky bit unwell...

  • 15 Crack Ups
    Avatar Queenoflobster

    WHAT DO WE WANT?! LESBIAN S&M THREESOME ELECTROPLAY DENTISTRY! WHEN DO WE WANT IT?! 09:47am TUESDAY MORNING!

  • 14 Crack Ups
    Avatar mnemosyne23

    Playstation's answer to the Nintendo Wii was a critical and commercial failure, partially because it didn't work very well, but largely because it looked fucking stupid.

  • 12 Crack Ups
    Avatar namesnatcher

    since eyes are the windows to your soul, Ruth decided to upgrade to xp

  • 9 Crack Ups
    Avatar JackieTreehorn

    Program it to act more Asian.

  • 9 Crack Ups
    Avatar Stretch

    Even the Borg have immigration problems.

  • 7 Crack Ups
    Avatar rubytuesday

    "Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself."

  • 7 Crack Ups
    Avatar montanaguy

    1-18-2025 Thousands of users complain to microsoft about the latest windows upgrade process

  • 6 Crack Ups
    Avatar wristo

    As the WGA strike continues on into it's tenth month, CW renews it's hit reality series "¡Stick Shit In My Head, Por Favor!"

  • 5 Crack Ups
    Avatar theseattleseven

    The Lou Dobbs Research Center isn't afraid to push the envelope when it comes to opposition research.

  • 4 Crack Ups
    Avatar jic

    Apple launches iBrain.

  • 4 Crack Ups
    Avatar planB

    "Must.....catch.....them all....."

  • 4 Crack Ups
    Avatar Deffy

    What? Its ergonomic...

  • 4 Crack Ups
    Avatar mmpl

    We are not saying enrolling in our Power Acupuncture Program cures all, BUT if you look at our patient you'll notice she is not having a stroke, whilst the stubborn bitch on the left is.

  • 3 Crack Ups
    Avatar namesnatcher

    Macgyver didn't call triple a for a dead battery...

  • 3 Crack Ups
    Avatar frrrrrrunkis

    Useless superpower #32: Abillity to jump car batteries with a sneeze.

  • 3 Crack Ups
    Avatar mmpl

    Michael Jackson impregnates Dubai woman and looks forward to welcome his latest son iMichael in seven months time.

  • 3 Crack Ups
    Avatar clay

    Mrs Kubrick was counting down the days until Stanley finished shooting Clockwork Orange.

  • 3 Crack Ups
    Avatar davidkeithjones

    By the way, it rusts like a mother fucker.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar qseal00

    As she awaited her execution, Joy couldn't help but regret that she forgot to tell her tivo not to record Grey's Anatomy this season.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar Wembley

    I'm serious - single moms will do *anything*.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar Chamale

    Unfortunately, this school science fair project wound up disqualified on a technicality.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar Rienke

    The Japanese's newest fetish.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar Sebastian

    Can you hear me now? Good!

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar Asok_Green

    And to think ten short years ago VR helmets looked silly. Thank God for innovation.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar thewarholian

    Look at me, I'm all sci-fi!

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar namesnatcher

    some people can pick up radio signals in their fillings, but Rhonda can get HBO and Cinamax

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar Flaming_Hito

    She doubted the effectiveness of the super-villain helmet at first. Then, her eyes took on an evil glint as she plotted to steal forty cakes.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar IrishTerror

    Janet tried to be stoic during the experiments, but she could still see the hand of death reaching out to her.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar gatorboymike

    What happened when the Planet of the Apes was assimilated by the Borg. Resistance is futile, you damn dirty ape.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar fung

    and there is an anal probe?

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar colibri213

    "Agent Trihn, we know you're undercover, but to bust this guy we're gonna need you to wear a listening device..."

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar randychico

    Marilyn Manson was running out of ideas

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar cheeseypeas

    "Fear not, Mrs Chang. I SHALL make you beautifull... just like Cathy over there"

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar cheeseypeas

    Sighing quietly to herself, Martha begins to regret looking to Scientologists for a hand transplant.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar Fallen

    It IS Janet Leigh! Shh. Act casual...

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar JewelsVern

    So you don't want to talk, eh? We'll just have to try our new invention on you. We call it "Mr. Thingy."

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar NeoRudeboy

    "Be honest, do you still find me beautiful after the car wreck? Doctors say the operation was a success"

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar simplicityiskey

    Alright Mrs. Yen, once I get this final electrode in I can insert the anal probe and start the exam.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar porsche

    The hearing aid looks great. No one will ever notice.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar Belljar84

    Luckily, this was covered under her HMO

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar el_tiburon

    Tell me the truth Consuelo, did you use my bathroom? Its OK I won't be angry if you did.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar Crenshaw

    Good Heavens Miss Sakamoto...You're Beautiful!

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar shellandflame

    "If I pull this one, I can make her leg move."

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar iman883

    REPORT: AMERICANS GO TO EXHAUSTIVE MEASURES TO FORGET BUSH PRESIDENCY

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar GOB

    "Of course I use conditioner. Why?"

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar Nihil

    Blowjob motion capture.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar Dire_Ria

    It wasn't until the early 80's that the technology would evolve enough to make pleasure toys discreet enough to wear in public.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar danwilkie81

    "Now, normally such drastic measures aren't needed for facelifts, but in your case, we simply have no choice.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar cshanejor

    The 6,000,000 Peso Woman.

  • 2 Crack Ups
    Avatar Sar

    So I realize this isn't Dr. Fisk's office, and I get up to leave... but anyway I've always been a sucker for Asian bondage flicks and I thought...

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Rienke

    Japan's newest fetish

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar namesnatcher

    Betty learned that no matter how much cheaper it was, Never,ever get her hair done at "Obsessive-Compulsives -R-Us"

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar thewarholian

    What I'd actually like to forget, doctor, is the 2 hours I wasted watching "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind."

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar namesnatcher

    "...and remember, the safe word is 'cracked'..."

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Mioljinr

    Now let me see...which one do I cut to disarm the bomb again, white or black? Awww, fuck it, what's the worse that could happen? Let's go with black...

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar yota73190

    LOOK AT THOSE HUGE HANDS!

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar hobojoe75

    with a few adjustments she would be able to control the blonde manniquen in the background

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Poom

    We can rebuild her... we can make her speak English.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar BritneysWig

    "Dave, don't tighten it too much. We don't want another dead Hispanic to throw away."

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar BritneysWig

    "Dave, don't tighten it up too much. We don't want another dead Hispanic to throw away."

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Calciphoce

    Scientists attempt to understand why Japan is into tentacle rape and bukkake. The results have yet to be conclusive.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar MuscleMilk

    the new iPod earbuds were a big let down

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Srx

    For some reason, people stopped following fashion trends early in the 21 century.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Mr.Birchfield

    "Lets see here... YES! It is complete! Here you go Ms. Gina, your very own Stepford Wife, the Lez-9000 model.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar redman1989

    We can rebuild her, we have the technology, But I don't want to spend a lot of money.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar yettigod2

    Well Bond, It looks like a middle age Hispanic woman who goes heavy on the lipstick, with wires and sensors protruding from her head... But its actually the worlds first bean producing coffee maker, Enjoy Bond, Enjoy.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar akiyoshi

    Never trust your friend when she recommends you a cheap plastic surgeon.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar pizzamogul

    "Hey, stop whining! Here at Borics this is the price you pay if you really want curly hair."

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar penumbrage

    After many humiliating and hilarious thermal shutdown incidents, Maria desperately hopes the new liquid cooled heat sink will solve her overclocking glitches.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar lord_galathon

    What they're not showing are the nipple clamps and the car battery.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar porsche

    No wonder outsourced tech support is so freakin' grumpy.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar nuro

    The chin strap was to shut her the fuck up.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar grafton

    So, if more than 50% of her is American-made cybernetics then they can't deport my maid?

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar vidism7

    at the start of her 4 hour session in the make-up chair, Ms. Lopez thought that someday she will show the world her true self.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar vasrchr

    The Ukrainian version of "What Not to Wear" hosted by Svetlana and Igor, mock Ingrid and her Star Trek obsession with Bork outfits.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar substructure

    "Don't move a muscle. If I connect this wire into the wrong thingy here you'll become a vegeta ... Oh shit." "What do you mean, 'oh shit,' Doctor?"

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar jojohoser

    In Hawaii, everyone gets a lei at the airport. In Japan...

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar zsasz

    some of the nintendo wii add-ons became far more complicated

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Invisithorne

    After 20 years of marriage and repeated viewings of "The Stepford Wives," Mitchell was about to have that threesome he always wanted.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar dickon

    Poor brain slug....starved to death!

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar MrBungle

    The Oprah makeover show had finally taken it to the next level.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar MrBungle

    Third World Operation: Brain Surgery Game. Don't touch the sides!!

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Stretch

    "OK. Every time you think of illegally crossing the border, you will get a small uncomfor...." *ZAP*

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar nuro

    Deaths hand, now with bling.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar barryscott

    the new robot facehugger wasnt up to scratch about searching for the victims mouth. so it chose the ear instead.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar balmlb

    So this is what hair transplants are like in the third world.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar shakedown7

    The new method of Prostitution Control implemented in Asia.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar shellandflame

    "The hippocampus is connected to the frontal lobe, the frontal lobe is connected to the ...."

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar shellandflame

    Pre-screening for FOX network's "Moment of Truth."

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar boydman18

    Susan couldn't help but wonder if all this was necessary to help her vaginal dryness.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Stretch

    "Finally, ve have discovered ze cure for ugly."

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar zbeebs

    In the next Star Trek movie, JJ Abrams plans to feature the origin of the Borg.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar QueenBoudica

    Yes, Ms. Winehouse..we can rebuild the tattered remnants of your mind.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar cldnails

    Notice how the wires, sensors, and wrinkly almost dead hand brings out the color of her eyes.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar RhinoDoc

    Are you sure you don't want to try the Bluetooth headphone instead? It is a bit smaller.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar zbeebs

    No complaining, Consuela, you agreed to this when we smuggled you across the border.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Newguy40

    Tired of your On line Tech Support employees taking long breaks and messing bathroom trips? Never again experience down time with Ronco's new Tech Support Cyborg kit! Increase productivity 2000%! All for $49.99 with installation included!

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar sluggo

    Suprisingly, Microsoft execs stopped considering the downgrade from vista once they became used to the comfort of their new plug and play thrall headsets.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Daercoma

    This new electronic voting booth will aid you in making the right choice for 2008 and will NOT monitor your thoughts. Brought to you by Homeland Security Inc.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar MadameShabbs

    "Right. Now that we're finished the installation, I will ask you the question again. You prefer Macintosh to Apple... correct?!"

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar WaistcoatBoy

    -"Wait for it.....YEP! Found it." -"Hold it. Are you telling me that what you just found....?" -"YES! I have discovered the dick joke synapse!"

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Cypher296

    Sadly we were all disappointed by the new Terminator Series new Terminator

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Dire_Ria

    It wasn't until the early 80's that the technology progressed enough to make the Walkman practical to market.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar kanelstrejf

    The stylist experts Julie and Morten esteem what fashion would look like in fifteen years. -and then they try to make it fashion.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar twenty2

    "OK,, Now cut the blue wire......" "NO I SAID THE BLUE WIRE!!!!!!" "HOLY FUCKING SHIT SHE'S GOING TO POOP HER PANTS!!!" "RUNNNN!!!!"

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar grafton

    Which button do I push to shock her if she forgets to clean the mirrors?

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar twenty2

    Women lined up for miles to be guina pigs for the new Orgasmic-tron 3000.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar OMGO__O

    Much to the dismay of the Borg, the human race laughed them when they assimilated all of Mexico but Juanita of Bord would show them all...no border would ever be safe again.....

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Sal

    "Let's see...red wire connects to red terminal, blue to blue, white to...ahh, fuck it, just plug it in already."

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar HomerJ

    Forget mayo and icecubes. This is the ONLY way to get gum our of your hair.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Sal

    "Let's see...red wire to red terminal, blue to blue, white to - ahh, the heck with it. Just plug it in already."

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Vankook

    This was the better alternative to braces!?

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar elfpr0n

    Mary was going to do whatever it took to get the image of a blonde skeleator from her mind.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Hudexter

    So THAT'S why the asian kids are always smarter in class!

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar nchammer326

    "The white wire! CUT THE WHITE WIRE!! CUT IT NOW!!!!!"

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar jeffoo

    If they only knew it would have been Maria's last undercover operation.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar omnimon_X

    All your brain are belong to us.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar crayola5150

    "Free holes" indeed. These sex workers take a break from signing autographs at a convention, May 5th.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Bobitheus

    Billy's first encounter with avian flu.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar inlikeflint

    The woods are lovely dark and deep...

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar artaban7

    Finally science marshalled its forces to understand the female mind...science was about to be bitterly disappointed.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar artaban7

    Science marshalled its forces to understand the female mind...science was about to be bitterly disappointed.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar G-Diddy

    Upon connecting the mind reading device to Ling, they were able to conclude that NO, she really would not be loving them long time.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar JewelsVern

    Windows upgrade installed. Press your luck to continue.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Sloowirot

    after years of careful planning and studying, the birdnest chinstrap helpmet was finally ready to be unvailed to the public.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar cnote130

    Suddenly, Maria had a vivid flashback of her stint in a Turkish torture chamber

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Ken Buddha

    They say "monkey see, monkey do." This monkey, however, having BMW hood ornaments where its eyes should have been, ain't seen nothing', so he ain't doin't shit.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar chuckufarley

    I've tried everything to teach her to give a decent blowjob. If this cortex stimulating device doesn't work, this bitch is outta here.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar adoherty

    Unable to afford costly palstic surgery, Dianne was assured by experts that this alternative would hide her prominent chin, puffy cheeks, and large ears.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar adoherty

    Distraught that his girlfriend has threatened to leave him, narcoleptic Joe begs her stay.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar kingsteve14

    Is it on yet?

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar kingsteve14

    Will this really get rid of my moustache?

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar treefinger

    "Hey, Charlie - I win! Now, I'll bet you another twenty she'll let us attach 8 more useless things to her head without question..."

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar boone

    How exactly is this supposed to help my hemroids?

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar stackismom

    I'm receiving a message from L.Ron Hubbard

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar PenguinMiltia

    No Mrs Bond, I expect you to die.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar scoob

    Now Michael...I want you to think back to when you were a small black boy...as your doctor I am fully confident we can reverse the damage, with your help.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar scoob

    The pizza delivery guy bomber goes high tech!

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar chubes

    Not even umbrellas like George Bush

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar TwistedMonkey

    "Now I'm going to ask you this just once more Denise...exactly how many staples have you stolen from us here at Staples?"

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Rawbeefron

    One week with this thing on, and you will look like Paris Hilton, i swear.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Ranger

    No on was more suprised than the inventor to discover his device of keeping a woman's mouth fucking shut was selling 43,000+ units a day! Google: 'Biachtrapcloser' www.NeilsNotes.com

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Ranger

    Now are you smarter than a 5th Grader?! www.NeilsNotes.com

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Ranger

    2010 - PETA wins it's worldwide court battle to stop all testing on animals. The Corporate World then moves to Asians. www.NeilsNotes.com

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Ranger

    Sure, I may have a beer gut, but at least I don't have a vagina! www.NeilsNotes.com

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar rcastaneda

    And now its RAINING, I told you not to open that thing HERE!

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar GyroLes

    Nobody told me there would be days like these!!!

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar chewygoodness

    ...and that's the second time I got crabs. Grandpa SHUT UP, I don't want to know!

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar QueenBoudica

    Now the world can understand why Amy Winehouse didn't want to go to back to Rehab.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar squittle

    Selma reconsidered her decision as she focused on the iPod headphone digging into her left cheek.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar MagnuS

    Lisa Needs Braces

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar ColetrainSTI

    Yes Miss Winehouse, your hair WILL cover the facelifter...

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar ave_eva

    "smarter than botox," my ass.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Promus

    One of the Borg's first assimilation victims, she nonetheless sat silent, awaiting her fate.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Ranger

    The penalty for giving too many blow-jobs in China. www.NeilsNotes.com

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar LuciusLeftFoot

    Eva Longoria BEFORE Revlon

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar elguicho

    midway through the elctro sex change transformation process, you really can't tell if it was a male or female specimen at the start

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar someperson11122

    The dentist says i have to wear this for 2 months!

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar junk_sampan

    "Pick Up Sticks: XTREME!" was a surprising hit in Japan.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar boweez

    and today the dead presidents rise

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar dickieboy

    So this is Rehab... Amy Winehouse style

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar PJP1977

    Somehow Cybersex didn't seem as appealing as advertised.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Treb

    After this procedure, your lady parts will smell 13% less offensive.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar PLZBANANA

    LOLZ @ U, U R LOOK ANGRY

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar DickeMan

    And...last wire. Well, there you go. You look retarded.

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar Brizz

    Hair on your upper lip? I've got just the thing!

  • 1 Crack Ups
    Avatar advent

    Now in Mexico: Nintendo Sii

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