visijared
"... so ya, that's how I got her out of the fire. It was pretty rough, but in a few weeks she'll be good as new... Husband? Oh no, he f**king died."
Worzel
Is not cat, is Lion. Look at maine, look at large feet. Is Macedonian Lion. Give me 5 denar for photo.
MrPants
"Oh dear God", thought Mr. Whiskers. "Please don't let this photo end up on icanhascheeseburger..."
drunknasasin
Paris Hilton's cat curses every day it has lived after its failed suicide attempt.
danwell331
We can rebuild him. Better. Stronger. Faster. If only we had the technology... But we do have spare parts from the abandoned Care Bear factory down the road.
Quellish
The use of non-union writers during the Hollywood strike became apparent to viewers when Smallville was menaced by Suburban Girl and her dastardly Cat Gun.
kingsteve14
The cone keeps it from biting it's stiches. The wrappings on it's legs keep it from masturbating.
jsbutters
Sprinkles proved cats always land on their feet. He also proved that bones can break
papaskrobe
After discovering the party responsible for the recent California fires, courts decided that the ban on "Cruel and Unusual" punishment only extended to humans.
Monsster
"This our bomb threat alarm from our country. Put foot on paw, it scream. Only usefull 4 time"
colsen
Science-Cat had this to say: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting coefficient of friction." "Interrupting coefficient of fric-" "Mu."
daldoc76
Mr. Jingles resignation over his permanent loss of mobility was tempered by the fact that he could now pick up ESPN pretty much anywhere.
vasrchr
... well, it got pounded, slapped and roughed up pretty bad last night. Yes ... pretty abused. OH! You mean what happened to my pussy CAT!
softscience
Alright Kitty, you get back in that ring and you fight! Vic's cat is strong, but you're stronger
Advetravlr
It's not that bad really, if I angle him juuuuust right, I can even get Croatian MTV!
Niff_Stipples
With your thousands of dollars in donations this worthless tabby who will always be in pain is saved. Thank you.
Two_Gun_Tom
Scientists would make him better than before. ..... better, stronger, faster.
crispy
Mittens knew that the next time his handler made creme brulee, he may not be so lucky. Time to take matters into his own paws
pizzamogul
"Well, it's kinda embarrassing. I really don't want to talk about it! (sigh) O.k... Ceiling Cat caught me masturbating."
Advetravlr
"We used up all the villages surgical tape on that damn cat! Now I need to call red cross again!"
fireshadow
Cats always land on their feet. even when thrown out of a car on the freeway. Go ahead try it!
JEDA_88
A cat that was more than enthusiastic to do funnel hits? You know George was the hit at all the college parties.
JEDA_88
"She would have to show me off when I'm like this. Just for that, when they rebuild this house, I'm going to piss all over it."
Ixray4u
"I told you what I was gonna have to do, Jinxie, the next time I caught you stroking your kitten when I came home from work!"
dtloya
Britney Frankenstein, right, carries on in her famous great-uncle's footsteps by creating her own "Franken-pussy," a combination of previously dead cat parts and a discarded satellite dish. Frankenpussy can receive upwards of 180 channels.
dtloya
Britney Frankenstein, right, carries on in her famous great-uncle's footsteps by creating her own "Frankenpussy," a combination of previously dead feline parts and a discarded satellite dish. Frankenpussy can lick her own ass and receive upwards of 1
pollox
Things blow up. Things blow up all the time. But we will rebuild and Tabasco will just have to subtract a few lives.
nschmidt
Mr. Bojangles was resigned to the fact that while every limb might not have full feeling yet, his ball licking secessions could still bring him out of his deep depression.
nschmidt00
Mr. bojangles was resigned to the fact that while every limb might not have full feeling yet, his ball licking secessions could still bring him out of his deep depression.
TheGreenSaga
After devastating the community and laying the land to waste, Clara took her catbomb and looked ahead at the world that awaited her conquest.
TheGreenSaga
After devastating the community and laying the land to waste, Clara took her catbomb and looked ahead at the world that awaited her ruthless conquest.
Regularguy
Mr. Blue Soxs continues to receive messages from the planet Felinio in addition to ESPN U.
harlori
Catherine, a budding young genetic engineering student, thought her "smurf cat" was a lock to win the gold medal at this year's Tri County Science Fair. Little did she know that Jimmy Putman was bringing a real "my little pony".
harlori
Cathy, a budding young genetic engineering student, thought her "smurf cat" was shoe-in to win the gold medal at this year Tri-county Science Fair. Then Jimmy Putman showed up with his seven legged dog.
rev.felix
As soon as he handed her the cat, John was suddenly unsure if his plan to get laid would work.
spoon_of_grimbo
Having destroyed several trees and torn off a number of roofing tiles, the fire department were able to stop this cat's trail of destruction by BREAKING IT'S FUCKING NECK AND LEGS.
kingsteve14
The cone is to keep it from chewing it's stiches. The wrapping on the legs? To keep it from jerking off.
greybeard
Toonces will not be answering any questions on his recent run in with Lindsey Lohan.
SSmit
LUUUKE. I am your great great great great great .... Huh?...LUUUUKE. I am your great great great great great ....
wherewillyoube?
It was only when he heard the deep note resonate through the air that Stanley realised just how misplaced his doubts over the existence of the "brown noise" really were.
gayguy
Ok ladies, stretch out those hips we've had a long morning of sucking our own, and by golly we won't be stopped now!
Hooblagoo
New Kitten: $25 The Surgery: $900 Picking Up Your God Damned Cat Before The Fire: JESUS SHIT -- ITS FUCKING FREE
ryseone
Vladmir was always told if you love someone to let them go, but before he discovered they were a complete moron, it was to late
deepkick
she said she would break my legs if i didnt wear the sock. i would lose either way.
scoob
OMG, so NASA sent my Fluffie into space to survey the damage...damn defective O-rings.
polykleitos
Mega man's cat sidekick never made it into the final version of the game. I think we know why.
AngryRantingBob
Jill was pleasantly surprised, her new system offered a much greater selection is channels than her previous cat cable.
Ranger
This is the kind of damage Ellen Degenerates pussy puts up with! www.NeilsNotes.com
charii
After a severe storm in the Mid-west,a lucky survivor sends his advice to all of his family back in Boston. "Landing on your feet can be a bitch, land on your head and save yourself this ."
Hoju
Jefferson Airplane's first live performace left many confused and even more disturbed.
Ranger
HEADLINE NEWS for April 9th, 2008: "Cat's Head in a Bucket Game" out-sells Trivial Pursuit 2 to 1! Now a message from our Sponsor: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=13&catid=5&sku=ENGL-CD00267
Ranger
After the casts came off, 'Lucky' refused to come when called. Like: Birthdays AND Horses: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=13&catid=5&sku=ENGL-CD00428
tjtrjjtrjtrjt
The evil power of Susan's novelty grammarphone reduced the landscape behind her to an arid wasteland.
chadjared
'wat you mean you dont get it? kitten mittens, mittens for your kittens, genius, every hip happenin cat will want one...no it doesnt come wit a plastic scarf- he hurt his neck u jerk'
Balibus
Yeah it's been tough on the whole family...but we're hoping this will end Jasper's masturbatory obsession.
Kristoff45
"You realize that cat didn't break anything right?" "Yeah, I just like how he looks" Cat: I will fucking murder you both
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