Other Craptions

"Okay, Harry. This is clever and all. But why do we need to sneak a beer bong onto the plane?"

Elderly boas can only eat liquid pig.

When Chang said he had to "drain the serpent" he meant it literally.

First you teach the snake not to bite by giving it an electric shock every time it bites the tube, then you put your cock in.

Low gas prices? Better sssssssstock up!

"These days children are playing video games and using mobile phones. They don't just want any old regular balloon..."

"Quick, fill my snake up! I have to ride it all the way to Xingmatsu!"

Any idiot can extract snake venom. It takes a genius to extract snake Play-Doh.

Wong,
This is how you make the secret sauce

Preheat oven to 350. Squeeze in ricotta with a pastry filler. Lightly brush with oil and bake for 40-45 minutes. Serves 4.

"Snake like Garden"
- Ancient chinese proverb

"To be a fool is to take a proverb literally"
- Oscar Wilde

"Oh, we have ways of making you talk..."

"Hiiiiissssss."

The'Endangered Species Captive Breeding Centre' desparately needs additional funds to train volunteers in methods of artificial insemination.

My wife is going to kill me if I don't get that ring back.

I'm so never eating asian foie gras...

Just keep trying, I need those keys back.

Of course this snake has broadband, we just installed the tubes last week.

heh, yeah ... so i told my wife, "if you dont hold still its just going t ohurt when it goes down deeper!" yeah, my wife is the same, i teller, "what? would you rather me shove a hose down your throat?"

Red Shirt: Are you sure this is how you train it for the deep throat? Blue shirt: Yes, we must suppress the natural gag reflex.

Jerk ate my giant noodle.

It's the latest craze for bong hits!!

only my wife can call me a horses ass

Oh shit, that was Grandma's best hose

When you said you were going to "drain the snake", I just assumed that was a euphemism.

"Oh...., eat more and grow up to dragon quickly..."

Despite Dr. Chang's hypothesis, giving a boa constrictor a colonoscopy is not as easy of a task as it sounded.

Taxidermy for snakes: simply stick a pole through them.

Shown: Edward the magician and his trusty sidekick Steve the Snake performing their famous "Never-Ending Hose" trick.

Old Man: This is how your pump a stomach.

Assistant: Arent you supposed to...

Old Man: SILENCE MORTAL!!! If you ever question me again you'll find this tube down YOUR throat.

when the cows are gone snake cheese rules all

When Lee's pet snake ate his wedding ring, Tao and his incredibly long pinky finger came to the resuce.

Wait till you see how they feed the elephants.

those zoo fraternities are the craziest

The poor lizard lost its arms and legs - this is how we have to feed it 'till they grow back.

The depressing literalism of Metal Gear Solid 4 did not add to its popularity.

Sang and Koji make sure every one of their snakes is absolutely brimming with venom.

the cheapest pipe insulation...

The Chinese think they have caught a sandworm, but the spice comes out yellow instead of blue.

I hate to be a naysayer in the caption comp., but they shoot high pressure water into the snake to inflate it until it dies. Not much fun :(

After watching a Heather Brooke video, Chan began training his snake for some new 'tricks'.

... forces water into an African python yesterday after it swallowed a hemp bag it could not digest. Huang eventually managed to get the snake to vomit up the bag and saved its life.

"youve got a tube down your snake."
"no, youve got a tube down your snake!"

"you know, youve been watching shrek too much"

"You know, Hank, people didn't like this crap in Temple of Doom. What makes you think they'll like it now?"

"That is one big snake!"
"Thanks.....this python's pretty big too."

"sython the python, once you can do that, you can do anything"

"Now we will demonstrate the Chinese Finger Trap 3000! No one will escape! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

Boa the Constrictor submits to his weekly de-tubing.

Christ, gramps, how many time do I have to tell you? Robot snakes run on unleaded, not diesel. Time to syphon the python again.