Craptions

Oct 2nd, 2007

Splinky

"Okay, Harry. This is clever and all. But why do we need to sneak a beer bong onto the plane?"

diaPair

Elderly boas can only eat liquid pig.

WakaWaka

When Chang said he had to "drain the serpent" he meant it literally.

Triedonce

First you teach the snake not to bite by giving it an electric shock every time it bites the tube, then you put your cock in.

STFU

Low gas prices? Better sssssssstock up!

Stereohead

"These days children are playing video games and using mobile phones. They don't just want any old regular balloon..."

inf

"Quick, fill my snake up! I have to ride it all the way to Xingmatsu!"

Senor Taco

Any idiot can extract snake venom. It takes a genius to extract snake Play-Doh.

Tac0

Wong,
This is how you make the secret sauce

pongo

"Oh, we have ways of making you talk..."

"Hiiiiissssss."

plan B

Preheat oven to 350. Squeeze in ricotta with a pastry filler. Lightly brush with oil and bake for 40-45 minutes. Serves 4.

milk is chillin

"Snake like Garden"
- Ancient chinese proverb

"To be a fool is to take a proverb literally"
- Oscar Wilde

ab

The'Endangered Species Captive Breeding Centre' desparately needs additional funds to train volunteers in methods of artificial insemination.

Evilman

Just keep trying, I need those keys back.

MrGoodkat

My wife is going to kill me if I don't get that ring back.

PatRedway

I'm so never eating asian foie gras...

hbl123

only my wife can call me a horses ass

mcalfie

Oh shit, that was Grandma's best hose

ninacf

"Oh...., eat more and grow up to dragon quickly..."

hellfire

It's the latest craze for bong hits!!

madd.sweet

heh, yeah ... so i told my wife, "if you dont hold still its just going t ohurt when it goes down deeper!" yeah, my wife is the same, i teller, "what? would you rather me shove a hose down your throat?"

zbeebs

When you said you were going to "drain the snake", I just assumed that was a euphemism.

jgibbsjr

Red Shirt: Are you sure this is how you train it for the deep throat? Blue shirt: Yes, we must suppress the natural gag reflex.

slmndr

Of course this snake has broadband, we just installed the tubes last week.

Jubba

Jerk ate my giant noodle.

Truthiness

Despite Dr. Chang's hypothesis, giving a boa constrictor a colonoscopy is not as easy of a task as it sounded.

rod a

Chug Chug Chug!

ZombieNinjaBot

The poor lizard lost its arms and legs - this is how we have to feed it 'till they grow back.

Parcae

The depressing literalism of Metal Gear Solid 4 did not add to its popularity.

Pwnzerfaust

"Damn," muttered the off-screen magician under his breath, "Pulling handkerchiefs out of my sleeve? What the hell was I thinking?"

someone

when the cows are gone snake cheese rules all

El G

Christ, gramps, how many time do I have to tell you? Robot snakes run on unleaded, not diesel. Time to syphon the python again.

Miggy

"Give me back my Hula-Hoop, asshole!"

Spawnfree

the cheapest pipe insulation...

mozes

those zoo fraternities are the craziest

hankE

Inflated snakes make great tires.

gello

Wait till you see how they feed the elephants.

Guadalcanal Diary

"Now we will demonstrate the Chinese Finger Trap 3000! No one will escape! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

Benny B

Sang and Koji make sure every one of their snakes is absolutely brimming with venom.

RandomHippy

I hate to be a naysayer in the caption comp., but they shoot high pressure water into the snake to inflate it until it dies. Not much fun :(

BZR

After watching a Heather Brooke video, Chan began training his snake for some new 'tricks'.

v

Haggis: The making

Jewels Vern

The Chinese think they have caught a sandworm, but the spice comes out yellow instead of blue.

Sahel

Boa the Constrictor submits to his weekly de-tubing.

paleo2002

When Lee's pet snake ate his wedding ring, Tao and his incredibly long pinky finger came to the resuce.

Ugly Bob

Chung trains his snake in the fine art of deep-throat fellatio.

Tasa

Old Man: This is how your pump a stomach.

Assistant: Arent you supposed to...

Old Man: SILENCE MORTAL!!! If you ever question me again you'll find this tube down YOUR throat.

Raziel

Damn! The hose is 20 feet too short. I guess they'll be no pool party this year....unless.....

rikitybridge

Taxidermy for snakes: simply stick a pole through them.

Cleaverson

"sython the python, once you can do that, you can do anything"

The Rake

"That is one big snake!"
"Thanks.....this python's pretty big too."

scotty

"youve got a tube down your snake."
"no, youve got a tube down your snake!"

Timmy IV

Shown: Edward the magician and his trusty sidekick Steve the Snake performing their famous "Never-Ending Hose" trick.

fiatboomer

"You know, Hank, people didn't like this crap in Temple of Doom. What makes you think they'll like it now?"

speaker of truth

Has anyone else noticed the considerable drop in the quality of craptions since dave stopped posting the winner on the main page? Oh wait, Guess not because no one funny is reading this.

just incase RandomHippy was really upset

Huang Kuo-nan, manager at the Snake King educational farm in Tainan County's Kuijen Township, forces water into an African python yesterday after it swallowed a hemp bag it could not digest. Huang eventually managed to get the snake to vomit up the b

Just incase RandomHippy really was upset

... forces water into an African python yesterday after it swallowed a hemp bag it could not digest. Huang eventually managed to get the snake to vomit up the bag and saved its life.

Ben

"you know, youve been watching shrek too much"