Other Craptions

"I'm going to get into her pants. I know exactly which strings to pull to make it happen."

Pinocchio always wanted to be a real boy...But he couldn't pass up a fine piece of Oak like that!

There's Something About Marionette.

“Stop freaking out Lucy. I told you it’s just morning wood.”

"You ever feel like we're just being hopelessly strung along? That we're not really in control of our own destinies? I think about stuff like that ALL the time."

Later that day, they formed a splinter cell.

"Splinter? I hardly knew her!"

Sonny and Cher are another act that suffered from the invention of Hi-def TV.

The date was going well, until they crossed paths with a ceiling fan.

Pull the string that pulls my finger.

“Maybe I have pencil dick NOW. But, before I started humping your dry-as-sandpaper cooch, I was packing a Redwood down there.”

"Did you know that I was the body double in Team America?"

“One of these days, we will escape and run away from all of this to Hollywood and become Muppets.”

The puppet master place his puppets down on the ground, undid his pants, and let the real puppet show begin.

"I can change my face for you Simone! I have access to the wood shop, and I will become more chisiled."

"So, uh... you got protection?" "Does Thompson's All Weather Water-Seal count?"

And the winner for "Best Opening Act for Spinal Tap" goes to:

I love it when you lie to me.

You say tiger's blood like it's a bad thing.

Omigod, the jigsaw killer is coming... with a real jigsaw!!! AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!

V For Ventriloquism

Elton John had a disturbing reason for writing "Tiny Dancer"..

You wanna know what REALLY grows when I tell a lie?

I'm sorry baby, but you really could stand to lose a little weight... here's some sandpaper...

I can't be tied down honey, a rockstar from Mars like me can't have any strings attached.

He doesn't want us to cut through our chains. He wants us to cut through our feet!

RED ALERT: Incoming nightmare fuel. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. Go IMMEDIATELY to your happy place.

Puppets eat souls. If you need proof, keep staring at this photo. Yeeesss, keep staring. You'll soon have proof. So soon.

Hey baby, I'm a hardwood.. nudge-nudge, wink-wink... say no more!!!!

"But my nose is short and has more girth? Does that not count for anything?"

So...you're single?

Outside, a chainsaw hummed.

It'll take a lot more than toenail fungus to stop me from getting wood!

A match made in heaven. Unfortunately, the match set them on fire and they burned in hell.

Man, puppets are too funny. I can't wait to post this on facebook, twitter, digg, tumblr, stumble, reddit, myspace....

Our neighbor used to love having these little puppet shows in our basement. At least that's what he told us when we found him down there.

Newly outed troll, John Cryer, sought solace in the company of a Gypsy woman. Upon hearing of the situation, Charlie Sheen commented, “That’s LOSING you troll!”

Well ... they're cheap, and they're better actors. All we need is a butt double, and we're all systems go for Mission Impossible 5

You know, I don't think George Lucas is even trying anymore.

Talk? Why no, Mr. Henson, I expect you to die! What? Too soon?

"I've got the world on a string, sitting on the concrete--oh, sorry. I know you hate that song."

"I used to have another lover," she said. "But we lived by the sea and one day he just drifted away."

Tiger Blood is a hell of a drug!

This is the lowest budget rendition of The Hunchback of Notre Dame I've ever seen.

Pinnochio had finally become a real boy. Today it was time to become a man.

My Uncle adored puppets, he used to tie strings on me and let his puppets watch.

I've never told anyone this before. I play the tambourine because I'm tone deaf

"Cheryl? If we were the last two marionettes on earth, would you be with me then?" "I already told you Dan, I'm seeing Pinnochio's nose."

He's got morning wood... in the afternoon...