Other Craptions

I'm thinking maybe our secret handshake is a little TOO elaborate.

And that was the last time Dave tried to set up anything from Ikea.

Your first time was in the back of a Volkswagen? Pfft..big deal. My first time....

Fact: One in every million light bulbs comes with tiny people inside.

Foreplay for members of Cirque du Soleil is a bit complicated.

“Ah man, they’re not really flying. Look you can totally see the wires.”

I just don't get the Scientologist mating ritual.

When ratings for Dancing With the Stars took a dip, the producers decided to place hidden traps on the stage to make things more interesting.

And another Cracked intern braves the 'handshake of death' on a drunken command from Brockway.

Black Swan II: Electric Boogaloo

Honey, are you sure you spelled "Hammock" correctly in the ordering form?

Being a paperclip can be hard work

Man, is it ever tough to open a new bank account these days

Using the power of the Force, Anakin and Padme attempt sexual positions that even masters of the Karma Sutra can only dream about.

You have to be really drunk to get your hula-hoops tangled like this.

"You complete me. And that is a terrible, awful thing."

His ass gets great WiFi reception.

"When a man and a woman love each other very much, and they want to express that love, there are things that they can do...sure, Billy, I guess they could do that..."

If you think George Lucas' dialogue is awkward you should see the deleted sex scene.

Proof that Sigfried and Roy are finally married. Mozaltof!

I used to date this acrobat chick. All we'd ever talk about was work, work, work.

Space camp is different now that Shuttle missions are on the way out.

These gang signs are getting really fucking complicated.

"Kind of a strange fertility ritual, Dave."

Ok, I know this is your fantasy..but I am not calling you Jake "Sooley."

Making love inside the lightbulb was easy for the micro-people until they both got turned on!

Tesla was notorious for sacrificing lab assistants to the "electricity gods".

They should never have let Andrew Lloyd Webber adapt "The Lord of the Rings"

In the future, when our attention span has become extinct, there will be Glittery Elastic Lasso Catapult 3-Second Speed Dating.

The church tried to attract a younger audience by modernizing its Nativity play.

After that I NEVER looked at a lightbulb under the microscope ever again.

All I can say is when you stay at Motel 6, pay the extra money for the 'deluxe room'.

Some people actually think there is a market for artsier porn with higher production values.

There are valid safety reasons why only upper level Scientologits learn the secret handshake.

Somewhere, there's a father wondering where exactly he went wrong.

"One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong. Can you tell which one is unlike the other, here's a hint, he's wearing a thong."

Early forms of birth control were mostly bogus.

Pole vaulting accidents are usually horrific, but sometimes they end in love...

Criticize them all you want, but Hathaway and Franco gave it their all on Oscar night.

Whatever they're doing, at least he's wearing the right pants for it.

"It's agreed -- we've chosen a stupid career."

When you told me you were taking pole dancing lessons, this isn't what I...sigh, never mind.

The Kama Sutra takes Broadway.

We now present a Salvador Dali production: Romeo and Juliet.

Unsafe sex

I quit after they installed all ergonomic furniture in the office.

Their relationship was always on the wire.

This was truly a cunning stunt! That's what he said. Kinda.

Good try, guys, but no one can understand your live-action Venn diagram.