Other Craptions

They realized it was pregnant. Soon, all eyes began to drift toward Captain Kirk, who was suddenly VERY interested in his communicator.

The alien claimed to have come to dispense justice. Also, shampoo and conditioner, depending on the nozzle.

“Don't shoot! It’s unarmed.”

Since he wasn't succesful at making useful sprinklers, Picasso decided to become an artist instead.

The invasion ended poorly when the Earth women simply grabbed the aliens and shoved them into a drawer next to their beds.

I've heard of blue balls but what the hell is this

Our new Xornax-5 model allows you to anally probe 3 humans at once. It's ergonomic design also reduces repetitive-strain injuries. It can be yours for only 5 equal payment of 29 quatloos a month.

In the latest version of “War of the Worlds,” the aliens are defeated by their love of Earth’s fast food.

"Don't move....and remember. He's just as unimpressed with you, as you are with him."

Pixar seems to be running out of ideas, good ones anyway.

The kind of art you can put outside a bedroom window in the middle of the night

I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him.

"To date, I've found the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, Jimmy Hoffa's body and this alien from the 4th dimension. But the mysterious clitoris and the mythical G-Spot continue to elude me."

“Holy crap it just swallowed my Jill whole! What should we do, Mark?” “You keep it here while I go back home and bring my wife out to see it.”

Stealing fire hoses from a Holiday Inn to make your art project is bad enough. But calling THIS your “masterpiece” is down right disgraceful.

"I bought it for my kid to play with in the summer... but I.... I haven't seen her since..."

BABAR! NOOOOooooOOOOOoooo!!!!!

Ok, I'll just stand still and try to blend in.

And that's why we no longer give art grants to bong makers

ALF 2.0

Welcome, everyone, to David Lynch's The Jungle Book.

The latest incarnation of Buddha scared the living Zen right out of any monk who saw him.

Anybody got any weed? I just spent all my money on this bong.

If an artist makes a profound statement in the woods, will anybody come dare to observe it?

John?! John Merrick?!?

You laugh, but this was the inspiration for both the Smurfs and the Snorks. Well, this and a lot of pot.

"Earthlings, my name is Ace and I haven't eaten in 10 hours. Take me to your Burger King, your Dairy Queen, and your Jack in the Box so I can fill my stomach and my straight. Ha Ha! I'll be here all week."

Mark, your art is outstanding in the field. No, I mean we got tired of looking at it and moved it.

Oh yeah, that thing -- it's just a pan-dimensional horror that's been following me around everywhere -- please ignore it...

I'm confused. Do I blow it, squeeze it or fuck it?

Bruce Willis and Gary Oldman star in 'The Fifth Elephant'.

Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant. -- (Meh, it's better when a hot girl has it on her t-shirt).

Day 56: I am most definitely still tripping.

The Max Rebo Memorial on Tatooine

Warning: Mixing too much Red Bull, Jägermeister and Viagra may turn your pink elephants into blue Rosie O'Donnells.

The Sci Fi Channel: We'll make any movie you give us a special effect for.

"...and I almost painted *this* piece red, but ultimately, decided red would be too garish. I'm an artist, yes, but I don't want to alienate my public. More mescaline?"

Okay I'll go with you, but if you want to probe me again you're going to have to buy me dinner first.

...and that was the last time I went on safari.

"Kind of a terrifying zoo, Dave."

"Kids are starving, people are dying, there's a war, so why the fuck is it national news every time an animal escapes the San Diego Zoo-OOOHHH MY GOD!!!!!"

I'm sure I saw Captain Kirk fight this thing once

There's a piper down! Repeat! There's a piper down! No, wait... he's just pissed.

Television producers vetoed Jim Henson's favorite Muppet character he named Azuelephant.

You can learn a lot about a man from the position he bends his pleasure nozzle at.

Veruca Salt wound up surviving her traumatic ordeal at Mr. Wonka's chocolate factory. As a result, she has evolved into something else. She will have her revenge & Kill Will.

I'm not sure what it is... but I bet it voted republican.

"No, it's not Bigfoot, Carlson. I mean, I don't even know where to start on how not-Bigfoot that is. Okay, uh...no feet. That's not a bad place to start, I guess."

Did anyone see what happened to my sippy staws?