Other Craptions

Uhhh, I didn't order any sauce on my hug.

Sadly, this business failed. They just couldn't compete with "Orgy Pizzeria"

Just make sure the sandwich is wearing a condiment.

"Damnit team, we're never going to make any money if you keep using all the product."

Eh, I think I'm more in the mood for the Handjob Bistro.

I say we legalize hugs and then tax them

Yeah, they're "Fresh Baked" all right.

I'll take one bear hug with a side of cop-a-cheap-feel. Hold the ass-grab.

and THAT was the second time I got VD.

"Hey! Who invited Sloppy Joe?!"

“Just don’t order his foot-long sausage and meatball hug, or you’ll be walking funny for a week.”

"Come on sweetheart! Why do you think it's called a 'pulled pork' sandwich?!"

“BJ’s down the road is WAY better!”

O yeah, they do it here and it's "inspirational". I do the same thing at a nude beach and I get arrested.

Pepsi Co bought this establishment for several million dollars. They later learned they could have had it for a dime-bag.

It was all just innocent fun, until someone broke out the jar of extra large pickles.

5 minutes later, French's mustard surrendered.

I highly recommend you tell him NOT to hold the pickle on your hug order. Trust me on this one.

In the middle is a horny midget that has convinced them that if they press up read tight on him, he'll turn into a diamond.

...and nine months later, I was born!

Victor's Hug Deli comes with a free side of crabs

“Hey ladies, remember you can always order them to go . . . to go back to my tent that is.”

Fuck I just got sand in my hug

On the other side of her sandwich costume, it says RATOR.

"Lucy, this hug has been going on for 2 hours. Maybe we should have worn our bikini tops."

For the more adventurous diner, Fist's Falafel Stand is just next door.

"Belly on up to the bar, boys, drinks are on Fiona!" "They sure are, Chad. Get her a towel!"

Not pictured: Deli. She wouldn't be caught dead hugging that patchouli scented bunch of losers.

I'm betting Fiona's in there somewhere...

Located directly across from the Beat the Piss Out of You Cafe.

Sure, the franchise brochures make this look all sexy and fun, but when you do it, you're just gonna get creepy old men and hobos who smell like pee.

Call the Health Department! There's no way that's sanitary!

Suddenly, I'm really glad my father was an abusive drunk who made me mistrust all human contact.

As if young people needed an excuse to touch each other inappropriately.

Squeeze tighter son. There's children in Africa with no hugs at all.

And so Steve Jobs rose from his hospital bed to bring another company to greatness.

"Hey Mikey, you said no tongues!"

Hug as much as you like, but don't squeeze the buns without permission.

"Kind of a weird class reunion, Dave."

Unfortunately for us all, these people will eventually reproduce.

There are no safe words here.

It was supposed to say "Huge Deli", but they ran out of room.

I'll have the hot nut taco surprise, a pork sword and two jugs of milk please...

Be careful, the Hug Deli will assimilate you into their hive, and make you a collective hugger.

You totally know this deli offers Pumpernipple.

The hugging was awesome until the wicked sandwich of the west showed up.

I'm guessing that their motto is not "Hugs, Not Drugs".

Do they only use white bread?

On the bright side, no carbs and no MSG.