Other Craptions

"You can't find your little boy? Well of course you can look around anywhere you like! But not in here. He probably isn't in here."

"No. Is washing machine. Really. You get in, you get washed. Washing machine!"

"Vitaly, as best student, you will have honor of going into space for entire class. DO NOT CRY! You must show space no weakness! Now, please put on suit and come forward..."

R2D2 discovered the hard way that he's allergic to bee stings.

Shit, I just locked my keys inside.

What? "Answer unclear, ask again later"?

“What the fuck do you mean THIS will act as my kidneys for the rest of my life?”

Mr. Gorbachev, melt down this ball!

Is not bomb. Am happy to see you.

"Is not vut it look like!" Boris shouted with embarrassment, but she could clearly see the Sputnik on his hand.

"Now if you're anything like me, you're wondering, "Bill, what if that hole isn't big enough for my penis?"

Hot tub time machine, soviet edition.

On your Marx... get set...

Kenny Baker climbs out of an early R2D2 design...

I don't know what it is, but I'm certain they will kill him when he finishes it.

Say what you want about old Soviet machinery, but their personal steam sauna worked miracles. Just look at Ivan, who weighed over 300 pounds just 6 hours ago when he first entered it.

"How much do you think Pawn Stars will give me for this thing?"

This mass turnip cooker. Cook 100 turnips at once. Great success!

"There is no Vodka Fairy. In reality it comes from this machine...but vodka is still magical! Do not think otherwise!"

Hurry up in there, I've got the trotskies.

"...not only is milk homogenized after that, it has proud soviet flavor!"

Although it's not well known, you can see here that the Soviets did, in fact, create the first cell phone

The nuclear powered washing machine was a little much, even by Soviet standards.

Soviet engineer and extreme claustrophobe Vladimir Malenkov panics when he is asked to test his own diving bell prototype.

“Oh, I’m sorry, that’s a typo. It should read CRAP.”

Sean Connery returns as James Bond in, “Dirty Laundry: Shaken not Stirred.”

Dmitri explains the steps of a Soviet colonoscopy.

The cutting edge of cuban submarine technology.

It's just a broken water heater, but if Russia's going to sell it, Iran is going to buy it.

Cracked's Craption Cheaters PunishmentPod... cheaters go in and are forced to watch reruns of Maude and the Golden Girls until they break. It's a fair cop.

In Soviet Russia - no, seriously - guys, come back!

“Before the fall of the Iron Curtain, this was going to be Gorbachev's tomb.”

Burt Reynolds attempts to stay forever young using an old Soviet hyperbaric chamber.

The Russian Dr. Who lacked the pizazz of the original.

Vladimir Putin wanted Russia's navy to get back to the powerhouse they once were. I think his staff misunderstood...

"Quiet, please! The Doctor is *trying* to regenerate in there!"

When Uri emerged from his time machine, he thought he had taken a trip back 50 years. But he had actually built a matter transporter and had in fact materialized in Utah. So you can't really blame him for his confusion.

A van with "Free Candy" written on the side just wasn't working anymore.

"Sorry Comrade, as punishment for cutting in front of the bread line you have been rushed to the front of the one for the gas chamber. Who says Soviets have no sense of irony, eh?"

The first commercial microwaves were bulky but awesome.

Ok, I'm gonna need two volunteers from the audience and a clothes hangar

"So, we stick Lenin in here, no more zombie problem dah?"

"Get in line...NO PUSHING! You must be THIS tall to go into space, so short students will have army training instead. Get in line!"

Some child molesters are somewhat less than subtle.

Pictured: The Soviets failing to understand the principle behind the Trojan Horse

This is the BEST cat litter box *EVER*!!

At 80 years old, a slightly senile Sean Connery, desperate for one more day of glory, makes "From Russia with Love II" on his own, after being rejected by every studio. No one has the heart to tell him the USSR is no more.

In Soviet Russia. That's where this is. In Soviet Russia. That's the location of where this stuff is happening.

Turns out that the Communist Craption Creation Pod is responsible for all of the "in Soviet Russia" entries.