Other Craptions

"Yes, you can still find vintage porn on the Internet, Jerry. Obviously you just made a typo. Relax."

Salt Lake City, Utah. Circa. 2009

We don't take kindly to flute players around these parts, mister.

Custer's Last Band.

Because fun is no laughing matter.

Needs more cowbell

Toobastank.

"....AND THIS BEARD YOU CANNOT CHANGE!!"

The faces of people who read my Craptions.

It was the last time Ulysses was put in charge of Christmas presents for the whole family.

Apparently, back in the 1880s everybody played an instrument. And looked like a serial killer.

When your beard is THAT awesome, you don't need to have the biggest instrument.

The can't be lost, they're on instruments!

Their percussion section is the sound of you running away.

They just showed up here last March.

Hurrah. Lets rock this mother.

This is pretty Heavy Metal for 1890.

Hipsters have always been with us.

The 1890 Aitkin County Band, before Yoko came and broke them up.

Not the rusty trombone I had in mind Google...

I feel sorry for the one with the sad face.

This early family portrait of Billy the Kid (front row, middle) gives some insight into the killer's motivations.

John-Phillip-Souza-palooza!

I see that the tradition of "OK, now just one wacky picture" is not a new one.

Am I the first to say this blows?

We will rock you.

Don't ask how they died

Fun Fact: All these people are dead now.

Complete Hornication

The finger and lip work of the girls got the entire family through the Great Depression.

"That last song doesn't usually last 2 hours but we got into a serious THING."

"....and as an encore Wild Bills beard would play a kick-ass solo on the electric guitar!"

Their son Tony was ostracized by the family when he admitted to being a heterosexual...and a pianist.

My Pop Tarts this morning had more personality.

The 2008 Winners of "Lithuania's Got Talent!"

"The eldest brother Jebidiah also blew on a different kind of horn, but only on the weekends, and usually for money.."

They just can't relax. Not even after a good blow.

Their freestyle jam of "Rock of Ages" led to the arrest of three audience members (for disorderly toe tapping, an exposed ankle, and one nude Electric Slide.).

Ironically, this is actually the Reed family from Tulsa, Oklahoma.

I think it's pretty obvious as to why they aren't smiling.

Kick out the jams Mother Hubbard!!!

We are in your fucking closet.

It was 20 minutes ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play...

General Lee and the Hornosapiens

Why we're glad Louie Armstrong wasn't born as a white guy

Unfortunately for the James Brothers, the failure of their band caused them to turn to a life of crime.

University of Toronto Marching Band - Circa 2009

The Jackson Six, featuring father Stonewall on trumpet.

Hearing aids were a lot more conspicuous back then.