Other Craptions

Alright Cracked, YOU explain to my dad why I was looking at this picture.

If Danny DeVito and Jabba the Hutt had a baby, that baby would grow up to be disgusted by this man.

That money is way safer than it'd be in a bank. Nobody's gonna touch that.

Ralph had a nasty reputation of making the homeless "work for it"

When the Fed can't stimulate the economy, we turn to the Over-Fed.

Pastor Gilbert didn't really believe in the "traditional" collection plate.

The announcer at the Asian Girl strip club had the largest breasts in the entire joint.

Alexander Hamilton and Abraham Lincoln are not pleased.

Hmm. Maybe it's a GOOD thing that rock stars have a short life span.

Tequila often makes people puke, but sometimes it is indirectly.

No one really knows what goes on in Glen Beck's basement...

Karl Rove has a new gig.

"I'd just like to take this minute to toast the new bride and groom..."

"They'd call us gypsies, tramps and thieves But every night all the men would come around And lay their money down"

After Jason Alexander finished, the comedy club asked for Michael Richards back.

The final stages of Tom Jones.

.

Simon Cowell's post-Idol career is just what he deserved.

He's opening a shavings account.

Doug wasn't asked to host too many charity dinners after that evening.

At this year's annual St. Mary's church karaoke fundraiser, Father McDogan shocked everyone with his rendition of Amazing Grace.

He crossed the line with a vengeance.

The Biggest Loser meets American Idol

Doug didn't put his money where his mouth is, but not for the lack of trying.

Chad's formative years were built on LIES.

"Sadly, Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley are dead, so you got me now."

Fine, add banks to the list of buildings you can't get within 500 feet of.

Drew Carey finally has his breakdown during the Showcase Showdown.

Best explanation of inflation EVER.

He makes absolutely no cents.

Probably the first time I've been truly grossed out by... Static cling!

What the hell happened to professional wrestling?

Did you think that money grows on trees?

OK, I give up. What's green, white and hairy and wants to talk to my kids?

At least this isn't a scratch-n-sniff

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to announce to you that I am running for Congress!

"Gesundheit!"

"Meh - I'm still glad we didn't go the Justin Bieber concert."

Soon after the Kate Perry controversy, Jason Alexander's Sesame Street sketch gets pulled.

This is wrong on so many levels...

"Uh...I'm not quite sure...but I think I just fucked the Franklin Mint to death"

Annnny time now, Apocalypse. Annnnnnnny time.

Mid-life crises are a bitch.

One recession plus one fat man equals a sad state of our strip culture.

In Rod we Trust

Hey honey, when you're done with the eye-gouging fork would you pass it to me?

I admit, I would have no problem if they photoshopped Susan Boyle.

Good news, kids, Aunt Edna sent you money for Christmas!

When the Feds were on to him, Bernie Madoff took the cash he had and hid it anywhere he could find it. ANYWHERE.