Other Craptions

I don't mind walking it, or cleaning up its mess. But the damn thing humps anything with a keyhole.

Somehow, I thought the Florida Keys would be different.

"Sometimes people ask me where I'm dragging this 'Key,' and I say 'West.' It gets a laugh about 20 percent of the time."

Sisyphus' brother, Toughypus, once keyed Zeus' chariot.

"Excuse me. I am the Keymaster. Are you the Gatekeeper?"

He wanted to make sure everyone knew he had the biggest house on the lake.

This will make more sense when the tide comes in.

After all the pain and hardships he endured, Jerry knew that it would all be worth it when he finally popped open that chastity belt.

The art director for the new Keystone beer ad campaign has just been sacked.

I, for one, prefer my lakes to be pretentious and ugly as hell.

He may be tied to the lochs, but he's really pining for the fjords...

"See this guy? I bet he NEVER loses the car keys." "Sorry Mom."

"...Sadly, his experiments failed. Later, Benjamin Franklin picked up where his research left off, and got results by attaching the key to a kite."

"This statue represents the bondage of time and the futility of man's....WHOA! Check out the chick in the red bikini! I'd hit that!"

After responding to the comic book ad, Little Mac went back to the beach to fuck shit up.

He should be thankful he's not a janitor.

This is an optical illusion... the people in this picture are actually total douchebags...

This must be a canal, he's on his way to the locks.

Good news. We found the key to your strained shoulder problem, and we think it can be cured.

Remind me never to vote for the Key Party.

"So that's the son of a bitch who keyed my car! The damn thing was totaled!"

I'd hit that, and by that, I mean the naked sunbather on the other side of the lake... trust me, you have to squint really really hard...

Yeah, they foreclosed on my house, but I got the last laugh! I've still got the key!

I dredged the lake for rusty garbage, and all I got was this lousy sculpture.

"Yes Edna, I understand that it's some sort of statement about the burdens of our possessions or some such shit. I'm just saying that I wished it provided more shade."

Some vacation, Harold. First you park on the wrong side of the lake, then you pick a spot next to some giant key monster, you stupid douche!

Unlock Ness Monster.

Trevor, dejected and sunburned, thought to himself, "Yeah. I'd hit that. Not the way she'd like me to, but I'd hit it."

Ach, kin ye tell meh how tah get to the loch?

This is supposed to be a public service reminder not to get "Stoned in the Florida Keys".

And everywhere that Gary went, his key was sure to go.

"Why ... why ... why wasn't I born in the age of electronic security systems?"

You think that's impressive, you should see the Golem's pet watch.

"Look, I'm sorry, but the only way you'd hold the key to my heart would be if I suffered from cardiomegaly."

You might guess that his favorite beer is Keystone, but you'd be wrong. It's Heineken.

Being a "Latch key kid" is truly the ultimate drag!

You know the artist? I'd hit that. Repeatedly. Non-stop. With no mercy.

He's going to unlock Barad-Dur. Bummer for him when he finds out it's been destroyed by a Hobbit infestation.

That locksmith IS fairly skilled, though he doesn't always get to the job site very fast.

I sense a punishing lack of urgency.

In 1980, pet rocks were all the rage. In 2011, get ready world for...The Pet Key!

Finders, key-pers?

This statue was built as a public service for you not to get "stoned in the Florida Keys" as it's a real drag.

Land of the Lost (and found)

Phallic? Yes; but that didn't mean it was impractical.

"No, no, you completely misunderstood combining the Iron Man and Strong Man competitions."

Sittin here resting my bones. And this loneliness won't leave me alone. It's two thousand miles I roamed. Just to make this QUAY my home.

"I call it 'Post-Modern-Consumerist-Anchored-By-Possessions." "Shut up Karen, you made it out of bottle caps and styrofoam you found on the beach."

He must be from Pennsylvania, the keystone state.