Other Craptions

She's not a contortionist. She's just paralyzed that way and her friends are kind of mean.

You just know all the men looking at this are thinking about oral sex while all the women are judging her outfit.

China: What they lack in freedom they make up for in WTF.

And to think, I'm amazed when American waitresses can carry three coffee cups at once.

We are just one sneeze away from a brutal fatality.

Her parents wanted her to be a lawyer. She wanted to be a disappointment. Guess which one got their wish?

I had no idea nail fungus could get so bad.

No, you fool. It's "left hand, red"!

"Suzy, I'm sorry, I've been a bad host....please, grab a chair, make yourself comfortable."

"Yeah, but the irony is that at home in the bedroom, she not at all flexible on what she will let me do."

Those pizzas look good, but the cook has her head way up her ass today.

She's got it down to where it takes her boyfriends at least 5 dates to realize she doesn't have a vagina.

"Hey sweety - I think we could get along great. I'm a fungi."

Profits rose by 400% when the International House of Pancakes outsourced to China.

Workers at the factory felt that the safety seminar wasted time on unlikely scenarios.

The Jury was about to vote Guilty, but then, his lawyer used the "Tween Kee Defense".

The real celebrity here isn't the person doing the balancing. It's the guy lying underneath whose ridiculously long penis can support that weight while being bitten like that.

Horny robot johns lined up for hours to sample the pleasures of Rice Patty, the Human Hatrack.

"Why does everyone keep throwing hats at me?"

Little Seizure's

Mao chicka wow wow!

Here we see the air speed velocity of an Asian swallow.

Ironically, she hates giving blowjobs and getting hit with drum sticks.

She's from the far yeast.

If somebody plays "Flight of the Bumblebee," just shoot him now.

I'll have MY acrobat... With extra mushrooms!

She'll bend over backwards to get your pizza to you on time.

Because, fuck you Mexican hat dance.

"Really interesting.... Now park a car."

This better not fuckin' be where you are when diarrhea strikes.

If you think this is impressive, you should see her make pizza.

Drum-roll please. Dear God, I think I need a cigarette and a chiropractor.

And with that, Ed Sullivan decided it was time to quit.

I bet she gets great reception.

During the busy times, Domino's does whatever it takes to avoid giving away free pizza.

She'd also be balancing chairs, but there isn't mush-room.

With over a billion people, China has a hard time coming up with jobs for everybody.

"Jeez. When you said your job was back-breaking...."

No spine? No problem!

Those who take shrooms have truly seen the blight.

What?! You mean to tell me you've never witnessed the forbidden Chinese Pizza-making Dance?

"I know you're nervous, but don't speak so closely into the microphone, and stand up straight...you fidget about WAY too much."

If you owe the Yakuza money, just let them chop off your damn finger. The alternative is worse. Far worse.

"What a weird hallucination. I must be really Shang-high."

I said "Speak into the microphone"...bloody showoff.

Cirque du Soleil: Groove

I'll have what she's having

Crouching Pelvis, Hidden Boobies

For the love of God, I ordered my pizza over 2 hours ago!