Other Craptions

Ghost Rider has retired to a quiet country life and become Ghost Farmer

Ole' McDonald had a...Psychological Disorder.

The road to hell is paved by this thing.

"Hell's Angels doesn't USUALLY accept farmers...but we talked about it and we all agree that is the most badass tractor we have ever seen. Welcome to the club!!!"

Made by John Dear God Why?

It seeds Nightmares.

Pirates of the Carolinas.

This is what happens when you combine a John Deere and Harley-Davidson dealership and build them both on an Indian burial ground.

Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O. And on his farm he took no shit, E-I-E-I-O. With a “I’ll kill you all!” here and a “Die you trespassing mother fuckers!” there. E-I-E-I-O.

After building this contraption, Jeb guaranteed his right to park in the handicapped spot.

When you're a farmer, and when you have a daughter...you have to find ways to..."dissuade" certain male youths to stay away.

The Skeletor Little Farmer Playset never really caught on with the kids.

I was skeptical, but the lawn looks great.

...and here comes the Rolling Stones float!

If he finds a way to get that baby in the background on here, it will officially be the creepiest fucking tractor ever.

It's a really lousy golf & country club, and yet the greenskeeper is totally respected by all members.

On the back it says "Just Married"

"...the guy slays 3 giants, and it's like he thinks he owns the whole town. Asshole..."

Ronnie James Dio didn't die. He just went to Alabama to sort out some Baptists.

When they saw how many crops were waiting, their jaws dropped.

This is what happens to giants that get caught rustling cattle.

Scarecrow Solutions inc. We mean fucking business.

Rejected from the church car wash. For some reason.

Pestilence, War and Death decided to sell their horses and buy this tractor. Famine, however, preferred the old ways.

When scarecrows aren't quite doing the trick.

Skulls out for summer

The menace is sort of underct when you see the "Baby on Board" sticker on the rear of the vehicle.

Yep, I can see the engine is dead.

"They remind me of my ex-girlfriends." "They give good head?" "No...they were anorexic."

I'll take "things that remind me of my ex-girlfriend and her bitchy friends for a hundred Alex...."

Field of Screams

Deadnecks.

Frank Castle didn't quite think through the whole "Punishermobile" thing

More effective against trespassers than the ol' shotgun.

I don't care what the Blue Oyster Cult says; this reaper scares the shit out of me!

The way I imagine Ozzie Ozborne's farm.

I tried to explain that this would look MUCH cooler on a hearse, but they didn't listen.

We will choke their rivers with their dead. And apparently their farms.

"..But does it have a DVD player for the kids?"

"...Yeah, the manager was this old Chinese man. Gave me a hell of a deal, but cackled as I left. And when I went back for a new hitch the next day, that John Deere dealership had vanished!"

It was that or fix the fence. I stick by my decision.

Farming in Hell is more complicated than you think.

The farmer out of Hell. The farmer out of Hell. Hi-ho,the derry-o, the farmer out of Hell. The farmer takes a life. The farmer takes a life. Hi-ho,the derry-o, the farmer takes a life.

The South will farm again.

DEATH RACE 2000: THE TRACTOR PULLS, starring Earnest Borg9. Coming Summer 2011. (This film is not yet rated.)

What a boneheaded looking contraption.

John Deere God...

The fun will continue into the evening at the Dance-Of-Death hoedown!

"Look dumbass...if you don't want to LOSE your soul, then don't fucking bet it in a race, ok? Now stop crying. You're embarrassing yourself in front of the skulls."