Other Craptions

THANK YOU, DETROIT! WE'RE ALSO AVAILABLE FOR MISSING PETS AND GARAGE SALE ANNOUNCEMENTS!

It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the fourteen minute drum solo again.

"Dad dealt with Charlene's going off to college in his own particular way."

If you're gonna name your band "Milk Carton" you had better have a gimmick.

He may be missing Charlene but something tells me she isn't missing him.

Well, that's one way to get people to pay more attention to Amber Alerts.

No, she really is missing; Charlene escaped from their torture chamber just yesterday and they would really like to get her back.

It was an awkward moment when he looked in the crowd and saw a woman wearing the same outfit.

It was later discovered that Charlene had run away to a life where Halloween only came once a year.

Dear Martin, We appreciate your help in posting flyers, but I think we can handle it on our own for now. Sincerely, Charlene's dad

Trust a Klingon to get the Vulcan salute wrong.

"I'm Oderus Urungus, your candidate for governor, and I APPROVED THIS MESSAGE!!!"

Performing "Come on Eileen" as "Come on Charlene" was tastless on more than one level.

Cher has not aged well

They're missing Charlene because she was a kick-ass drummer.

His bloodlust goes to eleven.

"To the owner of the white van, plate number IH8KIDS, your alarm is going off."

"Laugh if you want but this counts towards my community service."

She's not really "missing". Did you look in the freezer? Maybe you should look there.

This is why I keep telling EVERYONE -- Never, and I repeat NEVER get plastic surgery on your knees!

Missing: Charlene and talent.

"And now, I'd like to do a little number made famous by Barry Manilow...."

Someone missed his calling...he shoulda played basketball with those hands.

That was our latest release "You people are really naive" Now for our next hit song "We know where she is, you'll never find her"

I told you not to get Justin Bieber wet

Quick...someone get me Bruce Campbell!

By the end of the show, the entire front row was missing as well.

Justin Beiber is soooo different live.....

Hail Satan, dark minions! BLOOD and VIOLENCE shall reign in darkness for eternity! Oh, and if you've seen this little girl, call the number on the flyer. Keep her in your thoughts and prayers. Hail Satan.

At first the police suspected Gorog the Destoryer, skinner of children, eater of souls, when little Charlene Goodman disappeared, but then they saw the posters...

So help me God, if I find out who let Charlene out of her cage...

Behold! The Dreaded Book of Necronomicrotch!

"...AND IN THE BLACKEST PITS OF VENOMOUS FILTH WE WILL SKULLFUCK THE DEMON SLAVES AND BREAK THEIR BONES WITH RAGE AND HATRED AS WE SERVE OUR DARK MASTER CHARLENE!!!"

Oooh, I love charades. Ok, two words ...

This remake of Battlefield Earth looks sweet

I deeply apologize to you all for eating Charlene. Please accept my fireworks as a sign of apology.

This IS their ballad

"I bought my costume from the guy who work the props department for Battlefield Earth. Twenty bucks! Can you believe that?"

"I'd like to take a minute to ask the unholy leader of all that is evil Satan, in all his might and glory, to help us search for this poor little girl, who hasn't even had the opportunity to relinquish her soul and become my concubine."

His most repulsive secret? That's not a belt, it's a girdle.

"I DEMAND COOKIES AND MILK!"

And just why is Charlene missing? Because he ATE her.

"I'm also missing a mood ring and an ipod. So, you know - if I get two out of three things back I'll be fuckin' thrilled!!"

Hootie and the Devilfish

Batman's Rah's Al Ghoul -- gets a second career...

I can't think of a more tasteless way to cover Bon Jovi's "Runaway".

Damned straight she's missing....missing one hell of a fucking show!

Pan's Labyrinth was usually a quiet, eerie place... That all changed, once the Solstice arrived!

Yeah, that's pretty much how I remember my first Communion.