Other Craptions

Oh good - now my nightmares can breathe underwater.

"Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and robotic underwater hell beasts." -- Winston Churchill

Each tube connects to a different one of your childhood fears.

Dreadlock Ness Monster

"...because if you touch yourself...HE'LL be watching. That's why not."

It was young Predator's nightmare come to life. Yearbook picture day, and he couldn't do a thing with his tentacles.

My friends and I were fishing one day. One of them reeled in a rubber boot and we all laughed and laughed. Then I reeled in this and we decided to find another lake to fish in.

Even the Little Mermaid has a few exes she'd rather forget about.

"Hi! I'd like to talk to you about your spiritual welfare!"

I just want to warn you babe, when I put this on I won't be able to hear the safeword.

"Look, we told the kid to stop picking his nose. If you have any constructive suggestions to make, we're listening."

You know the scariest thing about this picture? Somewhere, right now, someone is masturbating to it.

"You know what Doc, I think I'll just keep snoring."

Tubing from Home Depot: $60. Salvaged WWII Gas Mask: $80. Scaring the shit out of an unsuspecting Craigslist rendevous: Priceless.

Fuck that! There's no way in hell it's "Just as scared of me"!

If you pleading insanity, it's always best to go the extra mile.

When Medusa decided to take up scuba diving, fish populations plummeted. Until Poseidon had this made for her.

You just have to be very careful not to cross-connect the food inlet tube with the feces out tube.

Wayne and Garth weren't shitting...the Psycho Hosebeast is real!!

When mommy puts on her special mask, it's private time for her and daddy. I just go play with my trucks when that happens. And cry.

I can't read his poker face.

"It stops him from asking for things when we go to the mall..."

There are some people on Craigslist you haggle over price with. There are others you don't

Aren't you a little terrifying for a Stormtrooper?

Hypothetically, if I were to ask you out, you know, on a date, hypothetically, would you go out with me?

Thunderdome hasn't been the same since they lost Master Blaster.

When Lady Gaga goes scuba-diving, it's a media event.

Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.

Dick Clark must be hooked up to this machine 364 days a year in order to survive....only to be let out for the New Years Countdown.

Medusa's safe word is "freeze"

Instead of gold-plating your zombie survival gear, maybe you shoulda invested in a gun.

Old man Whithers finally found the sprinkler that would keep those god damn kids off his lawn.

"That's some nappy headed hose you got there..."

Soon after this photo was taken, he was raped by a giant squid.

What do you mean I don't get a "Happy Ending"?

While wearing this mask...No one is going to ask why I'm not wearing any fucking pants!

Pimp My Gimp.

Does it help you breath underwater?? Are you kidding? This thing helps you breathe under LAVA.

Special Deleted Scene: Greedo undergoes the same procedure as Vader.

Her mouth may say "no", but her eyes say "I'm going to hog-tie you and call you my bitch"

The Little Murder-Maid?

I don't know what the heck it is... But my H.R. Geiger-counter just went off the scales!

Smoking pot is just getting way too complicated.

Oh SHIT!....What’s the safeword again?!?!

We tried teaching you health and nutrition, but you still ate junk. We tried bankrupting America so you couldn't afford eating out, but that didn't stop you. We invented the Double-Down to gross you out, but to no avail. Well, you've left us no choic

Jamaican HAZMAT.

Phyllis Diller prepares for the Apocalypse.

On second thought, I'll just wash my hair at home.

Is it iPod compatible?