Other Craptions

The Good Tumor Man

As creepy as this guy is, you don't want to see what the vibrator salesman has to wear.

Be warned lady, he's the most passive-agressive serial killer you'll ever meet.

Lung cancer, take the path on the left. Brain cancer's on the right.

No one bothered to tell Kathy that Body Language doesn’t work on cellphones.

"See, Gloria, no matter how hard I try to quit, it's like cigarettes are following me everywhere... see? There's a giant one stalking me now! What? No, I am NOT off my meds!"

Even if he did ask that girl out, they could never go to a restaurant.

Destined to be the last purveyor of fine smokes, Rick went about beheading all his fellow vendors in an all-day rampage

The guy riding the Camel won the race about 15 minutes ago. Sorry.

Jeff learns that there is a difference between a restraining order and mockery

Segregation Kills

I wish I could quit you.

You TOTALLY misinterpreted Sir Mixalot.

OMG Becky, you should see the butt on this guy!

He found his match!

Who can make the sky smoke, sprinkle it with chew, cover it with tobacco and a death or two, the cancer man, oh the cancer man can...

Thank god the fence is preventing any niche porn from happening here.

She likes big butts as he rolls them by, she's smilin' and she can't deny, when a guy walks by with a freaky costume and a cart full of them butts, she gets nuts, and talks on the phone, gettin' in that happy zone...

I'd like to BUTT into that conversation, but then I'd feel like an ASH! (I hate myself.)

"Fuck, I forgot my lighter"

Wow...this seems like one of the most complicated ways to get a woman to blow you.

...now fetch me a guy dressed like a giant bottle of Johnny Walker and both my vices will have been brought to life!

I don't always smoke cigarettes. But when I do, I prefer Asbakfiets. Keep craving, my friend.

Wanna try to beat the record of how many YOU can put in your mouth?

Sometimes, the Grim Reaper likes to play dress up... just like the rest of us!

"Oh, Wendy. Hey your a big success now then right? That's great! ...Me? Oh, you know, after I found out I'm HIV positive things kinda went downhill...speaking of which..."

"What the....I bet you wouldn't sass the old Marlboro Man that way, would you?"

No matter how many times he tried to quit that job, he'd only work as a gum or patch vendor for about a week before going right back to selling cigarettes.

No, i don't want to go on a second date. You wanna know why? It's because you're a drag!

This is from "Highlander 2", right?

"Cancer! Get your fresh, hot Cancer here!"

“So, I’ve got the guy’s sack in my hand, like this, and…”

Yes, this man is full of toxic chemical additives. Yes, he is bad for you. No, this has nothing to do with tobacco. He's just an escaped mental patient high on a blend of coke, meth, and smack. Steer clear.

Anybody else feel a strong urge to step on this guy?

She's cussing up a storm into that phone. Looks like they're both unfiltered.

I hate this guy, but I just can't stop hanging around with him.

Excuse me ma'am, can I interest you in soul-crushing chemical dependency?

The weed biker will be along shortly as soon as he stops giggling

After the meth-wagon exploded and the crack-mobile got impounded, the butt-bucket was the only one across the finish line

Might as well face it, you're addicted to love. And cigarettes.

Little did he know, her boyfriend was about to come and beat the tar out of him!

Hey baby... just cos I'm a fag that doesn't mean I can't satisfy a woman

"Oh, I wish I could quit. It's just a nasty habit that follows you your whole life!"

So the doctor told me that I should just use one patch at a time and the hallucinations would stop and I told him to go to hell. Anyway, gotta go, my ride's here...

Come with me if you want to die.

Gasper the black lung Ghost.

Gay joke for the day: If you are finnished with your fag can I pinch its butt.

No, I said my name was NicoLette.

The Last Airbender.