Other Craptions

Always use protection when having phone sex, or you might get hearing aids.

You laugh, but he's got full bars on his iphone.

Billy still couldn't hear his father's approval

satellite radio didnt quite catch on at first

You know what he hates the most? Crickets.

"No John, I can't hear anyone's thoughts, but your wife is cheating on you in the other room,"

Before LSD this was the only way to hear colors

Tom couldn't believe his ears. Neither could anyone else.

My grandpa worked as a sink through the depression

On second thought doctor...I think I'd prefer to just be deaf

"We're gonna need a bigger Q-tip."

He received feedback on his new invention immediately

"Oh yeah? Well you're just lucky I didn't bring the super legs I also made, or else I'd run across the state and kick your ass for saying that."

Come get me NOW Mike Tyson!

You remember when hearing aids used to weigh forty pounds? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

Unfortunately this didn't take care of his tinnitus.

After all this trouble Fred STILL couldn't hear what was being said behind his back.

Pictured: The new iDon't Care What It Looks Like, As Long As It Doesn't Drop My Call.

And he would have been able to live a normal life if the evil gnome in his pocket didn't instruct him to kill everyone in Denny's.

Actually hearing a gnat fart seemed less exciting than he'd expected.

"The Six Thousand Dollar Man"

It must be nice to wake up and hear the birds chirping ... in Italy.

Now I can REALLY hear my favorite AM radio station! and I don't even need a radio!

"It sounds like you've got an irregular heartbeat ... and you're going to pass wind in seven seconds."

Looks like all was a little TOO quiet on the Western front for Fritz, here.

It was the only way to keep him from licking his vasectomy stitches.

For some reason, Jake's "wet-willie protectors" did little to stop him from being bullied..

So how DO veterinarians listen to an elephants heartbeat?

You may think he's listening, but actually, he's broadcasting...

Wow, check out the size of that guy's nose!

Sure wearing the contraption was annoying, but it was the loneliness that hurt Earboy the most.

i'm all ears...

body piercing addiction... know the symptoms...

Chad's first attempt at spying was not that subtle.

Tommy, will you please answer so Daltrey will shut the fuck up?

The Music Industry Talent Scout who recruited Ke$ha for their record label...

The Polish ear-wax catcher was a huge hit at fondue parties.

The kids at school would make fun of Billy's condition when he wasn't around; Billy heard it all.

I Am Sane.

But you ain't got no ears Lieutenant Dan.

Radiohead

"Yeah you're right, I should have got earbuds,"

How much did the e-mail say this would make your dick grow?

On a clear day he could hear Radio Moscow

The early version of Gaydar just SUCKED...

You'd look sad too if could hear all of the crazy sex parties they were having in West Germany from the other side of the Berlin Wall.

You fill these things with salsa, you can feed a battalion.

Quite relieved to know that the war between the states was almost over, Tim arrived in Hattiesburg to hear President Lincoln address the crowd. All he heard was woodpeckers in heat fighting for nesting areas.

Prosthetic Ears 1.0