Other Craptions

When the tears came Sally just closed her eyes. College wouldn't pay for itself

You can almost always tell when the groom has been allowed to choose the centerpiece.

Her stage name is Chandra Lear.

The most elaborate chirades clue in human history.

When this stops doing it for me, I'm really worried about the dark places my porn addiction will take me.

I'm still not tipping her any more than 10%

You know honey, if you put this much effort in to watching football we probably wouldn't be getting a divorce.

"My daughter is a doctor!" "Mine is an attorney!" "My daughter, she umm...puts things in her mouth and umm....well...you have to see it..."

This will go great with my slut table and slut chair.

"Really funny.... now make me dinner."

Ma'am? You do realize this is an accounting job, yes?

Larry Flynt's Thanksgiving centerpieces were always a big hit.

Very elegant...I'll take six of 'em.

Now would be a bad time to unleash the tickle monster.

That's how I like my women: Asian, flat on their stomachs, and holding haphazard domestic objects in their mouths.

Episode 1 of "So You Think a Thai Hooker Can Solve the Poincaré conjecture?"

"Fuck art school. I should've been a prostitute."

When she was a young girl she always wanted to grow up to be...a...umm...well...one of these.

Take the damn picture... Take the damn picture... Take the damn picture... Take the damn picture... Take the damn picture... Take the damn picture...

Now I know why all my friends are so desperate to get girls; I don't know where to put all my stuff, either.

When in Japan, ALWAYS get room service.

I would try getting another job but this is actually quite hard to explain on a resume

You break it, you buy it.

Iceman froze the tentacles, but tragically, it was too late.

And that's how I met my chandelier

Is this what they mean by a "girl drink"

Sure she's pretty hot but can she handle the dishes?..Oh, apparently she can.

...but it all went to Hell when the Three Tenors of Rock showed up.

Whore d'oeuvres

Yet she won't suck dick...

College drinking games are getting pretty complex

Is back pain getting you down? Try extremely complicated contortions.

Damn, I hate it when these come in the mail

An accurate depiction of a Windows ME installation

This is one cocktail party I simply must attend.

My distant relatives are distant because I like it that way.

"Oh, so what does YOUR foreplay look like, smart-ass?"

It's always nice to see a woman with a touch of glass. (Please kill me.)

So I said to him: "Fuck ice sculptures! Do you think I'm some sort of peasant?" Haha... Anyway, the champagne will be served soon.

This is why you don't drink the water in India

Dude, your chandelier has nice tits

I'm beginning to think that japan doesn't really get porn

Bill crept back into the shadows, having no courage to finally ask out the girl of his dreams

Not easily explained in the ER.

Say it with me: I will not get another B in Astro-physics.

I know this has something to do with dry cleaning, but I'm still confused...

The lengths some women will go to to get out of cooking dinner.

"She's not moving until her grades go up..."

This act sucks glass.