Other Craptions

The eighth dwarf, Sodomy, didn't make the final cut of the film.

"Hi, Ho! Hi, Ho! It's off to work I go! Insert this dong and sing this song: Hi, Ho! Hi, Ho!"

You don't sit on Santa's lap in Germany

Thorin's sword wasn't sharp. The orcs ran away in terror all the same.

BP's latest hope for plugging a leaky pipe.

Contrary to popular belief, Santa actually has TWO naughty lists

He's looking up...because eye contact would be quite awkward.

Father XXXmas.

Step 8: Drop Courtney Love from the helicopter.

Snow White didn't really need the Prince. She had Happy.

To commemorate the Great Recession of 2008 to 2010, the big banks got together and made this statue for the general public.

I hate that they moved this thing in front of our office. Everytime someone gives me a task, they end with "Or else..." and point at the sculpture.

In order to become King of Chicago he had to pull that out of Oprah.

Looks like that Travelocity gnome is back from Amsterdam...

I have a feeling I'm not going to like this doctor.

"Jerry, walk with me. Remember when I asked you to commission some art for our courtyard? I'd like to have a word with you about your vetting process."

Get you minds out of the gutter!!! He's holding a Christmas tree, for Christ's sake... that you can shove up your butt...

In an attempt to get Simon Cowell to return to American Idol for one last season, the producers offered to have a customized seat built for him.

...and every midnight of the full moon, the monument mysteriously vibrates for a full 5 minutes, before falling silent again.

Sexual imagery: check. Giant chocolate dwarf: check. Psychedelic colors: check. Heaven?

Now here is one statue that kids don't have to be told not to climb.

I have a platinum account at this store

New, from Precious Moments...

Just make sure you don't ask about his "poison apples"

The Land of Misfit Sex Toys

Christmas comes early for Linday Lohan this year...

"I am Thor! And you can be thor too when you sit on this!"

Try not to get ripped off by bogus Liberty Island tours.

After Gimli lost his ax, The Fellowship wondered what he would use as a weapon. Most were not thrilled with his decision.

I'm not sure why, but whenever he rings his bell, my butt puckers up.

The best way to make sure nobody steals your garden gnomes is to make garden gnomes that nobody wants to steal.

Just outside my local Planned Parenthood

BP turns to Paris Hilton's sex toy collection for a possible solution

This makes me want to buy it, move right next to Sarah Palin's house, and put it on a large pedestal in my yard.

To save on costs we'll be combining the Pride Parade with the Christmas Parade this year.

We're gonna need a bigger boat... of KY...

"Yea when Hell freezes over and Santa serves me shit on a platter..."

Guillermo Del Toro really knows how to submit a resignation letter.

Meet Kiroth, god of foreplay.

What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!

Ok, we've gotta stop ribbing things for pleasure...

You've been bad and no, that's NOT coal Santa's got.

BP's newest solution.

Hermey wanted to be a dentist, but his brother, Georgey, wanted to be Larry Flynt...

The Dutch have their own version of the "Sword in the Stone" legend, recounting the life and adventures of King Gnomen van Loosepooper.

The sculpture is called "Ode To The Internet Troll".

It's the forgotten 8th dwarf (and Snow White's personal favorite), Dildo.

Yes, I know it doesn't match the building, but they were out of giant lawn flamingos.

I'll tell you one gnome who won himself a Hugo.