Other Craptions

Now THIS is Sparta.

In ancient times, the game of Twister was a bloodsport.

My safety word is Agamemnon

"The sign says the statue is made of marble, but I clearly see wood."

Ahhh.. the good old days.

This led later to the invention of baseball.

The only club that women don't want to go to.

THIS...IS...SAN FRANCISCO!

The most awkward part? They had to hold that pose for 9 hours to get sculpted.

Later, they noticed the black man across the river, and decided to gang up on him.

In ancient Greece, chess pawns were slightly more badass.

The ear is the wrong part of the body you want to stick that in...

S&M has always been part of the gay lifestyle.

"It's not gay if I kill him right after, right?"

If it's a hole in a body, the Greeks have made a statue with somebody fucking it. For this one it's ears.

OOO is that funny.....I'll show you what a dick is for!!!!!

"I said, Team Edward, bitch."

Joe Jackson and the Olympians.

The Dawn of Cannibalism.

Statutory Rape

The invention of hair frosting.

Is that a dick in your hand or are you just happy to see me.

GIANT MARBLE DILDO! APPLY DIRECTLY TO FACE! GIANT MARBLE DILDO! APPLY DIRECTLY TO FACE!

All those ancient statues have their heads and arms missing because of this crazy bastard.

The National Museum of Wife Beaters and Deadbeat Dads gets its first visitor since its grand opening last year.

The invention of the drum solo.

"Hey man, does my dick sound weird to you?"

Oh, that's sweet. Somebody listened to a Li'l Jon song and made a statue of it.

One more "Statuatory Rape" Craption and I'm gonna.... AWWWWW.... Fuck it!"

How'd Cracked get a picture of my breakfast nook?!

Pre-Internet flame wars: more violent, just as gay.

"Okay, OKAY. You can have the Eggo."

Statuatory rape. (what? It's been said already? What? Like how many times? Really? But I thought I was original!)

Thanks Cracked! NOW I know what my living room has been missing all this time!

And that guy in the pool with Stalin thought he had it bad.

Roman Donkey Punch, circa 200 BC.

Archaeologists discover origins of horror stories - news at 11.

The sign reads, "first recorded health care debate, the little guy always loses"

Whenever Eminem gets songwriter's block, he visits this particular museum for inspiration.

Michelangelo's finest work: "Where's my dinner, bitch?"

"BEST!... CHESSBOARD!... EVER!!!" - Ancient Greece

My, aren't we a little passive-aggressive.

"Don't club me bro"

I have eleventy-nine turmoils but a wench is not one of them.

Ear rape is no laughing matter.

"Nooooo, Oedipus! You're supposed to screw your MOTHER!"

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Which is KILL! KILL! KILL!

OK, so it's a classical piece, excellent composition, striking musculature . . . so why is he holding a Wii-mote?

"Yo Mama" jokes didn't fly with Maximus.