Other Craptions

See, this is why I love living in Canada. If my Mom tries to pull this kind of shit this time of the year, she'll freeze to death.

Don't fall for it, that's Swaim in drag.

But don't call Dad...he doesn't love you.

Call her what?

That's a whole country album's worth of material right there.

Yeah, call her...she wants you to pick her up a pack of Camels.

Welcome to the deep south

Oh, geez, Mom's hitting the beer earlier and earlier these days.

Ugliest lawn gnome ever.

Lady gaga in 5 years

Epic MILF FAIL

That's not how E.T. did it.

Dying Miss Daisey!!!!!

Joe always lost "Yo mamma" competitions.

867-5309

Empty Nest Syndrome effects some parents more than others

Worst. Escort Agency advertising. EVER.

... Dad?!?

Mom hasn't been the same since you took her to see Avatar.

She's sobering up and wants you to pick up some beer on the way home.

Another reason not to rent the house across the street from your parents.

Disturbing? Yes. On the plus side, rent for my apartment here is down to $50 a month.

Well.... okay. But only if she promises to keep her clothes on this time.

..or else she throws away all your old Cracked magazines gathering dust in the back of your closet...

She wants to sponge a couple dollars off you to buy new batteries for her vibrator.

This is why e-Harmony sucks

This probably isn't the one who discovered how to make yellow teeth white...

ok i know this sound weird but that was the best phone sex ive ever had

1 900 CALL MOM. Cheaper than 1 900 OEDIPUS, and easier to remember.

And remember to thank her for the keen fashion sense you obviously inherited from her.

I guess AT&T doesn't have the advertising budget it used to, back when it was a monopoly.

She's been arrested for trespassing again, they found her sleeping in someone's front yard again, and now YOU have to bail her ass out of jail again.

The exact reason why I won't call mom.

Otherwise, she's going to make a scene in front of the whole neighborhood.

I'm betting she wants to know why she doesn't have any grandchildren yet.

Sometimes putting the couch on the porch and the car on blocks just isn't enough

Don't do it, it's a trap. She wants you to mow her lawn!

"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me."

This "cougar" thing has reached a new low

If you don't mind the smell of Ben-Gay, you can score the best weed in town.

Another sucessful marriage proposal in the south

Florida.

Ever since Grandma's double leg amputation, she just sits out front all day drinkin' and smokin' with slippers on her boobs.

Hookers in Alabama have secretaries?

Her number's 555-2NAG.

You left her Lawrence Welk records out of the sleeves again, and boy, is she pissed!

Well, I would... but it costs $9.99 a minute!!

Thank god it doesn't say "call girl"

The mayor of Callmom, Arkansas.