Other Craptions

No one's going to Choo-Choo-choose that.

My love for you is like a humidifier with a paper heart on it and robot arms

Wow, Cupid's not even trying anymore.

Well, I guess a surprise is a surprise...

Cupid wasn't the same after his stroke.

It didn't talk much, nor was it cuddly, but it was the only friend Bob had, and he was determined to give it all of his love. At least until he got arrested again.

"Hey, Mindy. I tried to shove it up my ass like you asked, but it didn't fit. Now what do you want me to do with it?"

Typing craptions all alone on Valentines Day is not the only thing I do with my hand.

He remembered. How sweet.

My Dad always struggled when he tried to explain love to me...

A cracked.com craption writer hurrying home to log on.

You know, that's not what they mean when they say "hopeless romantic"

Restraining order, or no restraining order, Grandpa Alfred was going to let that sexy librarian know how he felt.

Ahmed missed the "blending in with your surroundings" class at suicide bombers school.

I wish he'd stop walking around with his Heart On. Nobody wants to see that.

Now I understand why my Chinese food is always cold.

Suddenly I feel a lot better about being alone today...

I will never understand why people think aliens WANT to abduct humans.

"'I don't want some cliche Valentine's present,' she says. 'I want you to surprise me,' she says. I should have got the goddam roses."

What fascinates me is how the level of detail increases the closer you get to his ass.

Billy had been dragging that same pull toy behind himself for the last seventy years, unable to remember where he lived....

Science finally made a machine that could love. It couldn't do anything else, though.

Even if it took til the end of eternity, Cupid was determined to find a woman who could love Rush Limbaugh for himself..

Once again, the fiftieth annual asexual Valentine's Day parade wasn't a rousing success.

And that's why I was late for work.

Tom thought he could save a couple pennies by using a cut rate singing telegram service, but he was about to find out why it's worth it to spend a little more on the one you love.

This is the way Toyota sees the average US citizen. 

Sir, you just blocked your own cock.

" I'd rather pull my Ford than drive a Toyota..."

Cupid's substitute Rupert wasn't as fast or efficient, nor his aim as true, but his adult diapers could hold more crap.

Once and for all and unequivocally answers the question: Whatever happened to Pee Wee Herman?

He had his heart on his sleeve, but he overfed it. Now look.

I don't like this Gay Porn version of WALL-E.

The Estonian love robot is much more affordable than the Japanese but you have to housebreak it yourself.

The REAL reason for the St. Valentines Day Massacre.

The paper mache heart would later press charges, and win.

"Love for sale. LOVE FOR SALE!!!"

Luke Streetwalker and R2FU looking to launch a torpedo into an exhaust port...if you know what I mean.

There's a space right there. Just park there. Hey, you're going to pass it. Fuck. Now we have to walk all the way around the block again...

Sometimes, all it takes is a pair of assless chaps to sell an ensemble.

"Only YOU understand me, Fisher Price!"

The Model 9X43 is specifically programmed to never stop loving you. Under any circumstances.

Even the nerds bring out their robot wives on Valentines Day

Hey fatty! STAY BEHIND THE BARRIER UNTIL THE LOVE MONSTER IS GONE! I'm not telling you again.

FUCK!! It's Valentine's Day!! Why do I have to find out about all the holidays through the fuckin' Craptions contest?!??!

What's disturbing isn't that he thinks it's his dog. What's disturbing is that . . . it is.

Sometimes, homemade valentines are the best. Not for this guy. He needs cash, and lots of it.

...and they say romance is dead...

And ladies, he's single!