Other Craptions

Birds of a feath...the fuck does he have a yellow laser shooting out his asshole?

Even though it was a punishment, Steve secretly loved being tarred and feathered

The chicken crossed the road to get the fuck away from this guy!

Good to see Nick Cage is getting back to work.

If he sees you naked, he'll try to do unpheasant things to you...

The Birdman of Alcatraz eventually was released, but he never really readjusted to society...

"Yes, it is a beautiful suit sir, but I'm still going to have to arrest you. Bald Eagles are an endangered species, and it seems like you skinned about 30 or 40 to make that thing…"

The little-known but proud and militant Swiffer tribe.

"No no no, I'm NOT bidding, I'm just stretching my wings! I really DON'T have $80,000!"

2010...Day 30. Still no Asians!

The wind beneath his wings could use a little magical roll-on...

The punishment in South America for scratching your ass in public is brutal but fair, and ensures it will never happen again.

He was going to have to sacrifice a human baby to break the curse of the WereChicken...

Never get your sex advice from Animal Planet.

Red Bull gives you wings. This is what a Cosmopolitan gives you.

Just then, a GOLDEN RAY OF LIGHT shot forth from the heavens, struck Him in the ass, and instantly transformed Bob into EAGLE MAN, Giant Savior of the Valley People.

For some reason, the rest of the wrestling league wasn't afraid of Fancy Feather Frank...

"Okay, on the count of 3, everyone throw me into the air and I will FLY!"

Where I come from, we just eat guys like this.

Rick really didn't know how to present himself at a barmitzvah.

If you listen closely, you can hear PETA shaking a can of red spray paint.

This cock is kind of a pecker too...

Gary found out the hard way that unlike female birds, female humans were not attracted by grand feathers and annoyingly high pitched singing.

"No, you CAN'T keep it, Billy, I don't CARE if Brandon's parents let him have one. You're only 9, and I think he's like 40 or something. Now take that THING back to the park where you found it!"

Sadly, Native Americans are still 500 years behind modern aviation.

Sometimes requests for "Freebird" are fucking ridiculous.

One of Elton John's more elaborate stage costumes.

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.

Little does he know he's about to be thrown off a cliff to see if he can fly

When the rapture finally came, the angels looked very different than we imagined...

"On December 20, 2012 they were all laughing at me; but on December 21, it is I that was laughing..."

"All of you have angered the Chicken God, BukBuk-Buxibakaw, and now you must perform a penance before you face an apocalypse of scratching, pecking, and pooping..."

I remember my first beer...kind of...Son you're grounded till your 21.

This is why I'm an atheist

No honey, it's a Batshit Native American, not an Indian.

The Eagles new wide receiver had butterfeathers....

there WAS one more mohican i guess

There has to be a better way to get Cher's attention!

Suddenly, Roger felt something warm and sticky on the back of his neck...

The name's Kevin. Kevin Da Vinci.

He is the COCK of the walk

"Oh fuck, I'm ALLERGIC to feathers. It makes my HAIR fall out. Sir, could you PLEASE take your… thing home, whatever it is!?"

"Excuse me miss, i need a female opinion"

Thanks Chief! Now no one else gets a feather.

"Free Bird! Free Bird! Free Bird! I've been yelling the same thing for 30 FUCKING years! Now lady, you better get your fucking Elementary School Girl's Choir to sing 'Free Bird' or next time I'm gonna bring a gun!"

In 20 years, the Jonas Brothers will go to extreme lengths to get people to pay attention to them again.

The real life "Harvey Birdman".

"...and then when Larry showed up in that costume, well, you could have knocked me over with a feather."

I'm ready for the Super Bowl! I brought some wings just like you said!