Other Craptions

They froze Jesus in Carbonite!? You'll pay for this, Vader.

Ironically this statue was sold for 30 pieces of silver.

"Dammit, Mary! You dip the baby's SHOES in metal to preserve them! His SHOES! His SHOES!"

I just can't get into Christian Metal.

I saw this in a potato chip once...

T-1000 had more humble origins than one would suspect.

To punish them, God turned Mary to wax, and Jesus to silver. THAT would teach them to bother him while he was watching the game...

Hark! The herald angels sing! The kid is born and made of bling!

It's okay to make fun of Catholics. They don't stuff explosives in their underwear for the sake of their religion.

"And so they wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a smelter...."

The theory that Mary was a rich woman comes from the fact that Jesus shit platinum!

Passion of the Christ 2: Rise of the Machines

His followers will be opposed by the Aluminati.

Bite my shiny metal savior.

After he had a good bath, the Hebrews found out how Christ raised the dead... Magnets, Fucking Magnets!

the virgin scary

Oh Joseph! He's got your eyes, and the refrigerator's complexion....

This message brought to you by the Catholic Church: proving that Christmas can be both disturbing and oddly erotic at the same time...

Try to nail him to a cross now!

Madonna showing off her latest, and most racially unique, adopted child.

Jesus actually had a lot of superpowers not mentioned in the bible...

When Catholic guilt isn't enough, the Papacy summons CATHOLIC TERROR.

Robo-Jesus may be just the marketing tool the Catholic church needs.

Joseph neglected to tell Mary that when the Iron supplements said "One A Day", they didn't mean "one bottle a day".

"Are you mommy's little terminator? ARE you mommy's little terminator? Yes you are! YES! YOU! ARE!"

And apparently Mary plucks her eyebrows.

Now that we know that Magneto sired the baby Jesus, maybe the X-Men will stop fucking with him and let him rule the universe in peace...

And God said unto them: "I'm sorry for this abomination, my bad."

Even pigeons are too terrified to shit on it.

Just drink the Kool-Aid and you'll be this happy, too!

After last time, they're taking special precautions against crucifixion.

They called him Jesus now, but in later years, he came to be known as "Rusty"...

"AWW COME ON!!! Mary can't win the Golden Gods Award EVERY year!!!"

So, Jesus walks into a bar and says, "Ouch! This thing is stuck to my HEAD!"

When I find myself encased in pewter, Mother Mary comes to me, Laughing at my agony, Let It Be.

How much do you want to bet that we WON'T get a picture that pokes fun at MUSLIMS tomorrow...

I AM IRON BABY

Uh,oh. Jesus is here! Everybody look busy!

The real miracle of Jesus's birth is that Mary survived it!

I have to admit that my first reaction was: "Oh my god!! Kill it!! KILL IT!!! CRUCIFY THE FUCKIN' THING!!!!"

The mohel would later remember it as the most difficult bris he had ever performed.

Behold the Surfer of Silver, for he shall lead you against his master, Galactus...

This statue is in a garden at the end of a cul de sacrilege.

...thus proving that Christianity and heavy metal are not mutually exclusive.

The irony of course is that, had she had access to that much silver while pregnant out of wedlock, she would have been able to afford an abortion.

That's not a look of joy on her face, it's a frozen rictus of fear.

Oil can.....Oil can....

In the name of the Father, The Silver Surfer and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Whatever she's selling, I don't want it!