Other Craptions

Never before in my life have I ever wanted to boil something alive that badly.

Holy shit! Red Lobster is people!!!!

"Honey, when you said that we'd share our sexual fantasies, I assumed I'd just have to give you oral or something."

We tried to throw them back, but the ocean spit them back out again.

Forty minutes ago, this conversation happened. "I don't know, I don't feel foolish enough yet. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "Stilts, right?" "Damn, woman. You complete me. You COMPLETE me."

I can't stand public displays of shellfishness.

She's desperately trying to lose Nemo.

They both decided this year they would show up as a couple of crustaceans. They had no idea what crustaceans are.

Coming soon quite uninvited to your sex life

1,200 comedy writers fear lay-offs as Tiger Woods jokes write themselves.

They lied in their profiles on eHarmony. But they both took the bait.

Tom Hanks got to pull a young, nubile Darryl Hannah out of the water. I get these retards.

Clearly this is a cry for kelp.

Red Lobster's new menu IS PEOPLE!

The sign said we HAD to be that tall! It said NOTHING about being taller than that! This is SO unfair...

You jerks don't have a leg to stand on.

You know, when they said that Lovatiral had some side effects, I assumed they just meant an oily anal discharge.

CANADA FUCK NO!

Not shown: Contraceptive Spongebob.

Shrimp? Yeah! THE TALLEST SHRIMP YOU EVER SAW, BITCHES!!!

The SeaFurries were rare, but didn't smell very good...

Somebody's been smokin' the seaweed.

They can't get up so the beatings will come swiftly and easily

No trash pickup until monday, so I guess they'll be waiting a while...

There's even a porno for Finding Nemo? Man, I love the 21st century.

Reminds me of my wedding day. Weak in the kness, clamy hands, the smell of fish.

I love redheads, especially those with long, freakishly jointed legs.

"Thanks, eHarmony..."

Took a fish head out to see a movie; didn't have to pay to get it in.

Lovecraft isn't even trying anymore

...and the sawhorse you rode in on.

The only two things they should have THROWN BACK on "Most Dangerous Catch"!

Just wipe down those sawhorses when you're done sitting there, ok?

"Dammit, Mom! I told you to call me if the convention was canceled!"

"Are you still mad about this?" "I'm just not sure how you misheard 'theme park' as 'costume party.'" "I have AT&T."

Man, I think I got crabs!

Going undercover to infiltrate the illegal fish fighting network was harder than Jones and Gomez expected.

Thankfully, Global Warming will make their kind extinct!

Sure, they have hard shells, but once you get to know them you learn they are pretty soft inside. And stinky.

When you said we could get into Disney World for free, you failed to mention we had to dress like Sebastian from Little Mermaid to do so.

The result of the "how-far-from-kosher-food-can-we-make"-experiment

As part of the mating ritual, the male shows off for the female. She is not amused...

The Disney parade budget has really gone to shit...

If my legs are this long...yeah, use your imagination...

The Crustacean Nation made itself known, but no one seemed interested in joining...

I couldn't think of a better way to get Disney characters in children's nightmares.

Who lives in a rubber room under Ward C....

And I thought the 4-eye jokes would've finished after I got laser surgery.

Is he drinking mustard? Would't be the strangest thing I guess...