Other Craptions

Lady Gaga's public execution is going to be stellar.

Jesus Christ, can't a band just play music at concerts anymore?

"I'm pretty sure my papier mache volcano isn't winning the science fair this year."

"Infinite Improbability Drive? I wonder what this d..."

On second thought, I'll just keep the tattoo.

...and THAT'S how we do a colonoscopy. Now, are you ready for your procedure?

Ahh, fuck it. We surrender.

"Will you marry me?" "No" "Well that was $80,000 well spent."

Apocalypse Then.

Well this hole is a par 4, though no one ever made it past the second or so stroke

The GOOD news is that we've just harnessed the power of anti-matter! The BAD news is my balls just fell off.

sterility now!

BULLSHIT!!!! I'll strip naked in front of everyone, but I am NOT passing through that Metal Detector!!!!!

Boy I hope it doesn't rain.

This is what happens in my pants every time I see that Shakira video...

So that's what that crazy emcee meant when he said something about the 5th Dimension.

So what happens when they're fully charged?...and what's that burning smell?

I'm beginning to see a trend here, Swaim scored some primo Christmas blow for the folks back at Cracked.com

Yeah, there's no such thing as global warming! Suck it low-lying, third world countries!

What happened when they sentenced Dr. Manhattan to the Electric Chair...

Well dear, this is what blue balls FEELS like, but not really what it looks like.

My cat tends to generate just about as much electricty just before touching me

"You sure this auditorium has wi-fi? Okay, let me check and see... AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!"

Didn't I tell you God would not be pleased if you kept using that damn auto-tune?! Didn't I?!

Once we have Universal Health Care, we can ALL attend events like this...

Ten years ago, a group of schoolboys put a puppy in a microwave oven. Somehow, that puppy survived, grew up, earned a physics degree, and then made a surprise appearance at their graduation...

Ladies and Gentlemen...I give you...Barrack...Hussein...Obama!

The Secretary for Interplanetary Defense will be a new position in the Administration.

Well I see SOMEONE sinned against nature.

Zuul has spent the last 25 years learning a little thing called Showmanship.

Free Thunder for your Dome! GET YA FREE THUNDA!!!

Melvin suddenly had an idea and a tiny light bulb flashed over his head. Excitedly, he ran into his boss's office, where he saw THIS. With his dick in his hand, he quietly sulked back to his cubicle and shot himself...

Resistors are futile.

"Oops, looks like someone asked Sarah Palin a math question!"

Incadecent exposure (sorry)

30 seconds later Nikola Tesla Parachuted in with a guitar and microphone, and began to play...

Lords of the Sith summer lightshow spectacular

It was at that moment that Frank divided by zero. The world and his underpants would never be the same.

And Charlton Heston said unto them,"Behold! I am the Lord Thy God! Carryeth a gun or submit to hellfire!"

Generating 1.21 gigawatts is harder than it sounds.

I haven't seen this many coils since the dump I took this morning! (bom bom psht!)

Ironically enough, that fence is not electrified.

Jeb Bush's America. Nuff said.

"Thanks Match.com, I finally found a BRIDE that shares my interests" Signed, Frankenstein's monster. "P.S. Where do I put the batteries? Oh... there!?.. nevermind, I found it!"

Nobody told them To Serve Man is really a cookbook!

Mass suicides have gotten a lot more creative over the years.

And 10 seconds later, a naked, crouching austrian appears in the middle of the lightning storm...

Madonna's new vibrator is ready.

Yep... this fence'll sure keep the electricity away.