seannyb
Teddy Roosevelt, finding no worthy foe among nature, decides to construct one himself.
Mothra24
This is the suit you have to wear if you want to have "safe" sex with Paris Hilton.
landmine76
Hilariously, Jebidiah Jetson's last words were also "Jane! Stop this crazy thing!"
more_hamburgers
That diving suit would be useful for wading through the sea of shit that floods every craption contest. Seriously, 90% of the submissions are lame pop-culture references, or they take an original joke from a Cracked article and beat it to death. "Lad
bdadz
Those were the good ol' days, when men were men and killing machines were killing machines.
Tessica
Now I'm not saying that your incredibly, nauseatingly ugly, son, but if you want in the family pictures, you have to wear the suit.
callmekool
the reason u dont get laid isnt because u build robots its because u wear overalls
Ondrak
Hi! William Mays here! Do you want all the great pleasure of sex without getting pregnant? Well have I got the product for you! This is the revolutionary CONDOM!
ChaseMitchell
Whenever someone would ask him, "What's the big idea, fella?" Sheldon would yank off the tarp and yell "THIS!"
SRLivewire
"Saw, Chainsaw, Hand Hook, Bear-Claw Teeth: yeah, this baby has it all. How old did you say your pre-school child was again?"
Deganveran
There once was a man from Nantucket, who created a evil suit of armor with hooks for hands. No one fucked with him.
cutigers88
With a little elbow grease and a can-do attitude, you too can build a pile of crap in your barn.
Ed_Gein
Henry Ford creates the Edsel, naming it after his mother-in-law "Ethyl". or, the "Battle Axe" as he called her.
Lerxst62
Orville Redenbacher's prototype popcorn popper was just a bit too cumbersome for the general public.
RogersIB
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. Not talking about the robot.
dungeonmaster11
You thought Teddy Roosevelt was bad-ass? Just wait 'til you learn about his long-lost twin brother Barnabus, and his efforts to not only bring back gladiatorial combat, but to make sure it had enough carnage to make the original ancient Roman stuff
spud
Wilbur and Orville Wright's little brother Billy, never shared in the glory of the "airplane", but his advances in "Mafia witness disappearance technology" made an indelible mark in history.
Versus
Unfortunately for Gary "Goatfucker" Shumann, building a fully functioning robot would not erase his notorious reputation among the citizens of Galveston.
Badhabit
I'll be damned if that shark is going to claim another one of my family members.
Ondrak
"Don't worry son, daddy just had to borrow mommy's heart and lungs for a little while"
Rex-Jester
Despite Jarvis' Herculean efforts to save Captain Hook's life, he did not keep certain weight factors in mind. Thus, on his first attempt to reboard his sailing vessel, he broke the boarding plank and sank like a stone.
Kamikaze Phoenix
Can't write craption... iron nipples... too arousing... must concentrate on contest...
Kamikaze Phoenix
The farther down you go in the ocean, the colder it gets, as you can see evidence of here.
WorstNameEver
People thought Joel Schumacher's grandfather was crazy for putting nipples on his crimefighting suit.
Mr.Excalibur
Is it possible to have a non-sexual ejaculation? If so, yes, I just had one of those.
RogersIB
Captain Hook and his first mate, and I do mean mate..wink..wink..nudge..nudge, say no more.
Luke530
The most powerful creation in all of America shall kill all of those f#*king underwater bears
Teemujones
Sorry, seannyb, but I am thinking that Teddy is SO kicking that cyborg prototype's ASS!
CamarilloBrillo
Although on a low budget, Terry still hated Robert Downey Jr enough to plan a gruesome and ironic death for the master of smug
greeneggs973
"hmmm, add some leaf blowers for arms, couple hooks for hands, maybe a diving head for a helmet...man, i really gotta get a job."
geewizz
It's a Swine Flu, AIDS, Michael Meyers, Freddy Kruger, and Leatherface vaccine.
crazyivan
Technically he's Cow-Disemboweling Automaton Mark 1, but I call him "Hooky" for short.
NotSoFrankie
the thing that the little Jimmy O'toole didnt know was that his pinnata was a FUCKING KILLER ROBOT
jekelish
"Well that's a mighty fancy piece of equipment, Larry. What do you call it?" "I call it my cock. Oh, you meant the robot!"
geewizz
Cracked; I'll be busy all day tomorrow, so please let me post tomorrow's CRAPTION now. "Ma'am, I can't breathe under your cheerleader's skirt. Are those your naked breasts, or am I at a Mexican Fruit market?" Thanks, Cracked, you're the best!
1.21jigawatt
Warning: Danger Will Robinson... I'm toppling over in your direction... Warning
erikmlb
As it turns out, the Cobra S.N.A.K.E. body armor was based on an equally impractical design by the Polish military.
jeevesz
It consists all the essentials to mimic a human: feet, legs, arms, and ofcourse nipples.
slickjamesjik
They told him he was crazy, they called him out of his mind, but deep down he knew steampunk would catch on.
Mr.Excalibur
"And why is your robot better than ED-209?" "Because he can go down stairs" "Touché."
Kamikaze Phoenix
I still remember the first words he said to me... "Boy, you got a pretty helmet."
1.21jigawatt
Sleep with the Fishes, in that!? I'll just stand still in the cement buckets instead - thanks though.
AGhouston
Who you gonna call? Because I don't think even Ghostbusters would deal with this shit.
Backinblack
I build her out of some scrap parts, the stove and the old Model T. Now I won't be so lonely when we cuddle up by the fire... oh no, the irony!
burjennio
"And this Sunday night Hulk Hogan, you will face your ultimate doom, and thats the bottom line, cause the Ultrabot 3600 says so."
Copperpot
I just watched my clock from 2:58pm until 3:00pm just to hit refresh button on my browser. My life is officially at rock bottom.
crazyivan
Yessir, fuly autonomous! She'll do whatever you want... provided what you want her to do involves hooking things and tearing them to shreds.
Rex-Jester
Unlike those on their male human counterparts, the nipplenuts on these robonoids produce robomilk when properly stimulated.
InkFiest
Holy shit it has fucking hooks for hands.. It has FUCKING HOOKS FOR HANDS!!!!! THAT IS SO FUCKING COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh neat robot nipples
Kamikaze Phoenix
Bioshock was actually invented long before the PC or videogames. Here is the inventor shortly before he was killed mysteriously.
Gatt
Pictured: A young Teddy Roosevelt dominating robot warriors from space, business as usual.
JoftheEast
"Okay, so you put this on and we lower you into the water...where are you going?"
Mothra24
Wait! Those aren't nipples! They're eyes! EYES I TELL YOU!!!!! And they're watching YOU!
jekelish
When the Terminators finally attempted to just go back and kill John Connor's great grandfather, they went with an old timey design to better blend in.
getittwistd
Captain Hook's new suit would ensure that Peter Pan would not get the best of him again.
Kamikaze Phoenix
I like the hooks, they're very intimidating. But the rivet nipples? No way. The sea monsters are going to point and laugh.
zbeebs
I was going to come up with a clever craption, but Teddy Roosevelt beats anything I can think of...
RWCantel
"I'll go there, and I'll bring back his head," said Roosevelt, when asked how he could prove that Chuck Norris did, indeed, live on the face of the Sun.
bdadz
I knew that the U.S. came up with the whole killer robot idea, but I guess the Japanese just ran with it.
mabogo
Dateline 1923: Dr. Orville Dunlap, widely considered to be 'The First Real Nerd' invents his perfect woman.
Mr.Excalibur
See? It's because of Porn and the Internet that I haven't built one of these yet!
chemicalcuke
The crocodile got to the rest of Captain Hook. Poor Smee was left to take care of him.
dajzi
But seriously, leaving the competition on the side, this thing really looks scary.
HMS_Ford
Trevor proudly displays his radiation suit, not realizing that nuclear power hasn't been invented yet.
tsarmeister
The Astroboy franchise never really took off until Japanese animators got involved.
kaly76hummer
Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He is eight years older than me, lol. We met at--- Agelessmatch @ c o m ---nice place for Younger Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Maybe you w
Mikelibrarian
The first robot constructed was primarily used to herd sheep and mash potatoes.
crazyivan
Latimer's "Volcano Suit" didn't melt, but it also didn't float. This is the last photograph of Latimer and his suit.
Julius_Goat
"They called me mad! MAD! But now that I've made my Kill-a-Matic Mechanical Human 1950, they stop their . . . their . . . actually, now that I think about it, that DOES sound pretty crazy."
Backinblack
Penelope's father never let her leave the house without a little old-fashioned protection.
HMS_Ford
One of Hitler's secret weapons that fortunately arrived to late to change the course of the war.
arholmes
Teddy Stark, came up with the original idea for Iron Man his grandson Tony just improved upon it
JonDyer1988
fed up of not being able to find love amongst humans, Dave built a super sex doll complete with hook, for his pleasure.
Velvet-Crow
Believing that Hell was somewhere beneath Buffalo, New York, Steve Mondale builds a suit in which to explore.
Barter
The worlds first coffee making and delivery robot. With convenient milk and sugar dispensing nipples.
MrPoliticianMan
Finding no love in the robot world, Mr. Roboto decided to build itself a human.
Signe
I assure you, this is a perfectly safe tanning salon. Just get in the suit and we'll put you in the furnace.
Rhymenstein
Muah ah ah ah... My Pirate Robot is perfectly ready for world domination! See look there carefully, he's even go a hook for a hand! What Pirate Robot wouldn't?!!
klayb
has he lost his mind, can he see or is he blind, made of crapy shit, crapa-man will rape your ass
kaly76hummer
Recently, I found an age-gap site called __Agegapmingle.com__ It's a nice place for Younger Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Age gap is not problem there. You may check out or tell your friends
kaly76hummer
Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He is eight years older than me, lol. We met at--- Agelessmatch.com ---nice place for Younger Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna
Rizzano
William Gates III proudly shows his newest Terminator Cyborg after taking over Skynet, with a fresh install of Windows T-1000.
Jefftildeath
...and he considered for a moment that he may have gone mad, having caught himself estimating how long the modifications would take if he were to perfect the machine by making it so you could fuck it.
Deganveran
The purchase of this product ensures you can kill 2.5 times more sharks in the same amount of time!
deaved_wrath
"So it can actually scourge the deepest crevices of the sea. Interesting. Why, however, did you give it nipples though?"
Zaphod
"I have to pee!"..."Just stand still for another three hours for the photograph to develop"
crazyivan
Tell you what, buy him now, and I'll throw in a spare groin module. Trust me, you'll need it.
jekelish
After Bertram produced this photo, Tony Stark had no choice but to settle his copyright infringement lawsuit.
jedthehumanoid
If this guy was alive today, that would be an even more awesome Killdozer!
jekelish
In Detroit, they have RoboCop. In Des Moines, they've got RoboCrop. You know, because of the farming. Oh, shut up.
Rayned0wn
The real reason Teddy Roosevelt was known around the bath house as "Big Daddy"
Dover
"Hey you know what would be cool? Let's send a man underwater... In a full metal suit! What could possibly go wrong?"
Diasdiem
Brilliant, George. These mechanical suits will make our soldiers unstoppable. Unless they have to turn a door knob. Moron.
Dover
*Notes on paper* Needs more chunkiness, perhaps a couple more nipples wouldn't hurt either.
Backinblack
Silenc, you cantankerous bucket of bolts! Now find me the boy so I can have sex with him!
Rex-Jester
Ube Ivanhoe had a very tiny schwantz, making masturbation rather difficult. So instead of doing the deed, he made a man with the time left over.
CamarilloBrillo
"And as you can see gents, I have dramatically reduced the chance of domestic homicide when my wife finally finds out I've been sleeping with her sister...."
Backinblack
He was turned to steel, in the great magnetic field. When he traveled time, for the future of mankind. Everybody, sing with me!
niko4ever
Because if you're not going to give it nipples and a creepy face, why make it at all
Kamikaze Phoenix
You were about to say "Lady Gaga", right? I think we got cut off when you went through that tunnel.
cdizzy
As a result of his scientific vision, this man's children were polite, well behaved, and always ate their vegetables.
Blinker_Fluid
The first generation sex-bots often left the users with horrific injuries.
CreepyOldMan
The original design for the Robot from Lost in Space was a bit to heavy to get off the ground
MattBlack
"So, I decided I needed more help in the garden, so I built this! Honey? Honey, why are you screaming?"
Kamikaze Phoenix
The grill in the head opens, just in case your face wants to escape while you're diving.
Dover
Trasnformers in the 1800s, except, due to the casting of Teddy Roosevelt, my erection no longer feels awkward.
Truthiness
Wealthy industrialist guide to survival: scare the shit out of your competitors.
Julius_Goat
Oh, so we had this back in the early 1900s and we didn't give it to our World War I Troops?
Kamikaze Phoenix
Though they had to move to a different state to get married, Gramps and Sea-Bot X7 were both very happy.
Dover
My dad's words "In my days we made our own toys" have a whole new meaning to me now.
hammahamma
The very first REAL Iron Man, cause he really is made of iron...yeah, well screw you too.
geniuswaitress
If you never heard of War of the Worlds II, it's because of H.G. Wells' equivalent of Jar Jar.
kaptkarl
The world's first automatic ass wiper proved to be a little too rough and needed to be destroyed..
Creative9
This picture has nothing to do with Nazis secret plan...I swear it on mein fuhrer!
Rhascar
2 Days after this failed attempt to protect himself against stds, he just invented the condom
JudG.
Now what? Now, we wait until dark and leap out... We what? WE, um.. leap...oh damn!
Tehbandaid
Sadly, the man will soon learn that his steampunk Gimpsuit will not suit his needs as much as more traditional variants.
CreepyOldMan
judging from the size of her tits I'd say she's young but ain't no way I' gonna let her blow me
jedthehumanoid
It would be impossible to build one of these if you don't have a mustache
JewDude
Dr. Zachary Smith sent the pesky robot back in time so that he would never ne foiled by it again
zero82
..And in 1902, Michael McBay directed Transforming Galactic Fighting Robots.. which was seen by no one cause movie theaters didnt exist yet.
Breakinthebend
Life-size sex dolls were less popular in the early 20th century. Fred, however, was in love.
surrealfishgod
Turn of the century American Robots were required by law to have extreme tittie-hard ons.
PhallenAinjewl
Without the invention of CGI, the Iron Man movie would've been a lot less spectacular
Kamikaze Phoenix
This is actually Teddy Roosevelt from the past posing with Teddy Roosevelt from the future, right after their epic fight.
PhallenAinjewl
to answer everyone's question..yes...a hook-job is JUST as horrible as it sounds
Dranj
Teddy Roosevelt, the inspiration for Iron Man, built this suit in an effort to prevent his sheer manliness from melting the petticoats of any woman in a three mile radius.
dajzi
And ya momma's so fat ya papa cant even stuck her into this diving suit he made for her!
Backinblack
I.... AM.... IRON-MAN!!!! Yes, Barnabas, you're Iron Man. You really are. Now why don't you have yourself a cookie and settle down.
Salgadiz
Hanna-Barbera thought that the concept of a Jetson's movie was not fair to the cartoon.
aladdin
In case you wondered what was the prototype of those chromatic screwing ladies shown yesterday...
TheComedian
Iron Man was actually made in the late 1800s. Tony Stark did what every other American does and rips it off from something that was already done.
BrendanMcGinley
Early models of the RealGirl Doll proved more erotic than could be reasonably expected.
ForsakenImp
The truth being too awesome to believe, the fictional character "Tony Stark" was created to replace Teddy Roosevelt as Iron Man.
Frostyice
WHat they didnt want you to see: early attempts at the terminator. model T-04. only 796 more attempts till we make something cool!
heffernandez
when the wife is bitching at you put her in the anatomically correct quiet suit.
morrisonhs
The world's first Pleasure Bot was working great until the hook hands came into play.
Dum
DETROIT (AP) - Robot found dead in apparent Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation love triangle. Police struggled for several hours trying to remove the large hook from the ass of Congressman Dick Cheney
SavaDude
Erwin knew that there was no way he was going to lose the Iron Man competition with THIS baby on!
WorstNameEver
To insure he would always have a hot piece, Norman installed a furnace in her ass.
aladdin
Back in the day, schools were pretty convincing in imposing homeworks as mandatory.
tyberious
I like the other pair of shorts better, you know the pair on the right, these make me look fat
Exclamation!
Why the hell does it have hook hands? This guy clearly doesn't know how to build an efficient robot.
dajzi
The original version of tinman from the wizard of oz was a bit too much for the children.
jmxcomp
I designed this diving suit because the others could not accommodate my enormous testicles or freakishly long nipples.
cutigers88
president clinton, we've finished your suit you can now have sex with your wife.
1.21jigawatt
TRULY IMAGINE THIS: While Dr. Who was building this Robot, he wiped his ass with bare corn cobs. Time well spent. I'll pass on the handshake sir.
eddyys
Great Depression: Check War: Check Funding Iron Man 1.0 for 54 Billion Dollars: Check
Hitchings12
This is what they look like before i grind them down and dip them in chrome.
Parrott
Little known fact: Teddy Roosevelt was the original hulk, however his arch-enemy was the less successful Wood Man
HMS_Ford
Little Known Fact: Ozzie Ozbourn's dad Maurice was something of an inventor and an unwitting inspiration to Ozzie's songs.
keybladeboy
Andrew Ryan seen in his earlier days, constructing the prototype of the Big Daddy suit.
aladdin
Aladdin Craption, finding no worthy thing to say about this picture, decided to write this bullshit instead.
Tabz
Fishing would never be the same! But it wasn't until they put him under water that he realized of all the things he'd added, he forgot an air pump.
nappyd
Bill, what is a vagina and why does mom say I destroyed hers every time she drinks?
Rawhead
The first fully functional sexbot prototype. Surprisingly, it was never mass-produced due to cost issues, not for the obvious safety concerns.
Tehbandaid
Sadly, the man will soon learn that the Steampunk gimpsuit doesn't suit his needs as well as more traditional, leather and nylon variants. 8[_
Bettan
Sports Illustrated, Swimsuit Edition, wasn't quite the instant success they would have you belive.
LLizard
During the industrial revolution, early attempts at sex dolls were very cumbersome.
Indigo_Dingo
I knew someone had to have tried to make a Robocop movie before the eighties
Bozyman
Yes sally, with only a little elbow grease, and my 'how to kit' your toaster can also be a bone crushing automaton
DonkeysRAliens
When building a robot, remember, always include nipples, hands do not really matter any sort of torture device will do
nicsectual
If I were this man's family, I would sue xbox for all it's worth, stealing bid daddy from a lowly farmer.
Atlantis_Sky
Zebadiah figured that he never won a craption contest, he would build himself a judge that would annihilate the competition.
RyoSanada
So realistic, its almost as good as seeing her ankle through her church dress!
Deganveran
Jed was estatic that his "Evil Genious In a Box" package got there before Christmas.
kokoroneko
She was magnificent, pirate hands, great waist... but her tits were to fucking small.
egroji
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...it sings "Don't Worry Be Happy" if you walk right next to it. Try it! Mind the hooks...
KainiusTheGreat
"Its been 23 years and we've never been happier....hand jobs are still problematic tho..."
retracell
Forget Little Sisters - boyo, would I like to squeeze the ADAM outta this guy.
GladAngel
Early models of Bumblebee were scrapped after the Autobots realized coming to earth in 1901 didn't provide the best mechanical cover.
Zizzybaluba
If they didn't put the ATM up so high, we wouldn't have to wear these stilts.
jellojames
In a tragic twist of fate, all eight boys were bitten by Coral snakes. There were no survivors.
quake52
Suddenly, Tim realized that the 'shroom business was not at all like he imagined.
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