Ronin22
Door to door knife salesman is one of the best jobs in Japan with only a 35% chance of tentacle rape in the workplace.
itoldyouso
If you can't think of anything, don't feel bad. Each year thousands of people are diagnosed with "Obvious Pun Syndrome". Seriously, your cash donation will help fight this dreadful disease.
WOITAS
The last person that made fun of Betty's socks and sandals combination was mauled by a pack of wild boars!
Mr.Excalibur
TWO "pork eats you" entries are doing well! Lets all give ourselves a good pat on the back people!
geewizz
I knew someday that fetal pig I dissected in Freshman Biology class was going to come back for revenge...
Frodeezy
Ooh nice apple print blouse! How much... for it? The blouse. With apples. I want it...bad.
DocBrosnan
Half-Assed Muppets, Trees with wood, Shitty Robots and a Fucked up Pie. Did Uwe Bolle buy Cracked.com?
Frodeezy
Who would have thought I'm only fifteen and already at my age, I get to see this rad pic!
CavalierX
They say you should never watch laws or sausage being made. And now we know why.
spud
Sure, Maggie's costume was funny, but it was still no defense against breaking 10 violations of the Homeland Securities Act.
itoldyouso
Tillie was only One Degree separated from Kevin Bacon, yet she could have been standing on the far side of the moon in his eyes.
Mr.Excalibur
You're thinking "Japan", right? Well you're wrong. You're hanging out on the good doctor's island here.
Kamikaze Phoenix
The next little pig built his house out of meat. Didn't smell too good.
tsiegle
Do not be fooled!! This magical animal DOESN'T contain pork chops, bacon and ham!
Rex-Jester
There used to be three little pigs, then this one got all Jeffrey Dahmer on the other two.
Diasdiem
And remember, bubeleh, he'll come in the night and eat you if you don't stay kosher.
Backinblack
Needermeyer??? Dead!!! Oscar Meyer??? Dead!!! Bob Evans??? Dead!!! Jimmy Dean??? Dead!!!
mabogo
All Clara really wanted was the love of a good man who would see the beauty behind her plain looks.....That and a REALLY big-ass plate of slop........
Julius_Goat
"The first little pig built his house out of straw. And the second little house built his house out of sticks. But the third little pig was a bad motherfucker. He built his house out of wolf skin."
Backinblack
You're not such a big bad wolf now, are you bitch?!?! Huh??? Huh??? Answer me!!!
Blinker_Fluid
I never thought I'd see the day when "pork" was used as a noun on Cracked.
orphan
Why thank you. Those giant utensils will make it much easier to consume you whole.
Mr.Excalibur
If I kill it and put an apple in its mouth...is that murder or high cuisine?
Kamikaze Phoenix
I understand your argument, Vegan Pig; but you are skinny as hell and losing hair. See what I'm saying?
Kamikaze Phoenix
After catching a case of Hop Poles, the Pig had to carry prescription silverware everywhere.
imnew
I don't know what that thing is but I feel really bad for that "hop poles" behind him if it's serving any kind of pork
ragingHoBo
READING THIS CRAPTION INCREASES PENIS SIZE: Wait until you see where he has the giant spoon hidden.
savinator
I don't want to know what they put in hot dogs, and I don't want to know what he puts his hot dog in.
CamarilloBrillo
I don't like using chopsticks either, but I'm not THAT weird about it....
fantastic_rich
The next time that wolf blows my house down, I'm going to eat the bastard.
Kamikaze Phoenix
The dish had run away with the spoon...but Pig the bounty hunter was still armed and he was going to get revenge.
Julius_Goat
You know, if he's just have learned about the spork, he could have had it all.
Kamikaze Phoenix
You call that a knife? Whoa! Shit! My mistake! That is indeed a knife! Very sorry! Very sorry!
HMS_Ford
I thought it was the DISH ran away with the SPOON. Also there wasn't any mention of the creepy pig.
spectre_vampire
"Call me 'white meat' one more time, mother****er! I dare you! I triple-dog dare you!"
Kamikaze Phoenix
You can pretty much see why it's neither "hallaal" nor "kosher", never mind "normal".
WinstonWebb
Pork, it's what's for dinner. If "dinner" means "your most vicious nightmare about vengeful bacon".
ZananIV
Communists hate capitalist pigs, so I became this...to fight communism. It was a fad back then, dear.
Rex-Jester
Hey diddle-diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon. The little dog laughed to see such play, and the pig went completely batshit and slaughtered everyone.
PerroPequeño
As the great Furry parade danced down the street, Bob stopped to wonder "Is it really worth it?"
grumnut1
"Where the vermin bring their own cutlery" turned out to be a bad ad campaign for The Hop Poles Restaurant.
jaysquared
Unlike it's cousin the minotaur, the minopork was not well known in greek mythology
jaysquared
After Jabba the Hutt's death, his guards did what they did best... stand around looking dangerous and possibly delicious
jaysquared
After Iron Chef America's ratings fell, they decided to up the ante with their secret ingredient
Mr.Excalibur
When you try to import WOW to real life...it really just looks stupid...even if you have +5 Ice Damage cutlery.
Backinblack
I'm going to kill the mother who tries to wrap ME around a fucking scallop!!!
bcanders
We'll let you wear your clown costume to the parade, but remember. No wallowing in mud.
Kamikaze Phoenix
Porky Fork and Redbat were finally fired from Disneyworld for scaring too many kids.
ZananIV
West Coast Justice League includes superstars like "Kind of Native American Man!" and "The WAR-THOG", yet they never stop any crime.
Julius_Goat
I am as progressive and inclusive as the next guy, but this? Needs to be OUTLAWED.
Versus
In Belgium, you're allowed to carry weapons, only they have to be ten times bigger than normal.
ZananIV
The pig occasionally camoflauges itself as food, in order to better understand it's prey.
ZananIV
She's an anthromorphic pig, constanly threated by threats of cannibalism, he's a hungry half-dragon, they fight crime!
ZananIV
Do you see her arm? No, that's because Ash got inspiration from an unusual place!
GoldenFerret
"You just HAD to have that sports almanac, didn't you Marty? I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD F*CKING HAPPEN!!"
JosephGarcia
Tired of being turned into delicious bacon, the pigs sent in their bravest warrior, with the only equipment they could muster.
stymaximus
In the not so distant future, one pig stands alone to achieve vengeance for his fallen brothers.
hoddie_ninja
Tokyo's new Colosseum: Genetically altered pigs vs fire breathing humans... bacon for all!
Shermankohlberg
The "other white meat" is now making it's own jokes about the "other other white meat"...
CaptainDildo
When Kermit met Miss Piggy's dad, he could tell he was the protective type.
Bosephus5000
All right folks, let's give a warm Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade welcome to the cast of the new Broadway show "Animal Farm"
Kamikaze Phoenix
Have you seen the little piggies with a knife and fork? This looks like a skinny piggy, not too packed with pork!
RogersIB
At the Hop Pole, we serve genetically engineered pigs that will slice their yummy tummy at your table.
Velvet-Crow
When the police in Hong Kong beefed up their weaponry, it wasn't the guns they were expecting.
1.21jigawatt
I'd rather look at this pig craption than anything from Tron 2010 flic! People, Tron, really, WTF.
stiff
In a fit of rage the 3rd little pig seeks the big bad wolf to avenge his brothers.
noreport
Was it a bad idea to amalgamate the Gay Pride parade with the Pork festival? You be the judge.
sugar-pickle
Unlike her more successful cousin Ms. Piggy, Ms. Hogbert has to take any job offer that comes along.
RogersIB
"Hey don't ye be judging me! Take a good look in the mirror or across yer bed. Might that be a fat bellied pig looking back at ya?"
el_zilcho111
fuck, how many times did i tell that pig to stay away from my hilariously oversized cutlery drawer.... oh shit, he even took my japanese plane ticket
billwmac
The long-lost final verse of Hey-Diddle-Diddle started to haunt Ham's every waking moment...
Jynweythek
First Japanese Pen0r day, now Japanese Swine Flu Day. Japan really IS inhabited solely by trolls.
erob3131
Then the Cow jumped over...WHOA WAIT A SECOND! THE PIG HAS CHALLENGED HIM TO AN ULTIMATE DEATH MATCH!!!!
quagmyre
After years of speculation, Pink Floyd is finally in the studio recording the follow up album to Pigs on the Wing.
hoddie_ninja
Everywhere there's lots of piggies Living piggy lives You can see them out for dinner With their piggy wives Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon.
jaysquared
It was a bad day for Chuck, an ameture photographer who worked at the local slaughterhouse
Slimslick
Looking for information regarding the dissapearance of Cow, Pig hunts for Dish and Spoon.
SMARTALIENQT
It wasn't until the pictures hit the internet that we found out Bob was a closet cannibal.
warmonger256
Eat me again! I dare you, I double double dare you motherfucka! Eat pork one more goddamned time!
toanoradian
In Soviet Russia, pork eat-Wait, hang on, this is...China? Asians are weird.
SuicidalTearMan
Rosie O'donnell finally finds utensils that make sense for her food portions
OhWiseOne
If they wouldn't have changed the name from the Swine Flu to the H1N1, this would have happened to the pork industry.
Mr.Excalibur
The love between Farmer Bob and his favorite Sow Maggie could not stay secret forever...
1.21jigawatt
I know, I know, I fucked it and started the swine flu outbreak. Porky was teasin' so... I went hunting on a ass-truffle-hunt.
spectre_vampire
Well, now we know why Miss Piggy was so mean to Kermit: she was a lesbian.
bdadz
Yeah, swine flu may be the illness that is in the forefront of everyone's minds, but let's not forget about fire demon flu.
spohlso
OK, so the dish ran away with the spoon, the cow jumped over the moon. FInally, now I know that the pig, knife and fork went to a gay pride parade.
momoy
Chinese Thanksgiving Parade is way better. They get to eat the participants afterward.
hammahamma
...and Europeans wonder why we left their fucking country in the first place? Look at this.
MattNightingale
The giant knife-weilding pig distracted Larry from the fork in the road.
OhWiseOne
"BREAKING NEWS: Miss Piggy got tired of the rejection from Kermit and decided to take matters into her own hooves, she later said that the frog leg soup was delicious"
Bosephus5000
Knock knock, who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock, who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock, who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't point out the apple jumpsuit?
Ellen89
The first case of swine flue has escaped quarantine and is now on a murderous rampage at a foodie convention.
ZananIV
The strategy is too have all the enemies charge towards the Pig, then get taken down by the giant knife.
imnew
We know the dish ran away with the spoon, but what of the other kitchenware family?
Frankbslts
Japanese Kamikaze Pigs, a weapon that could have changed the outcome of WWII.
jjok
It's Chinese Christmas time! Deck the hard wit bars of horry. Fararararar rarararar
zero82
"... and when I woke up... I was covered in bacon!! AAAHHH!! Happy Halloween, kiddies!"
superjaded
In Japan, the phrase isn't "when pigs fly." It's "when pigs wield enormous cutlery while wearing fruit-covered pajamas and eyeshadow.
AGhouston
It's just a mirage... It's just a mirage... It's just a m- AHHH! BACON, BACON, BACON!
zachstaska
Remember when we blew Asia's Bird Flu way out of proportion? Turns out, the Japanese are doing the same with Swine Flu.
soraroks
Miss Piggy had to find a new job after all the muppets died, and times were so tough she would have to resort to eating herself.
Somalians
Jigsaw's assistant eventually found her second calling as an Anime supervillain.
ShomariMari
This is what happens when you do drugs. You turn into a well-dressed pig with giant eating utensils. Tell your friends.
Brittneyward
porkie is wondering why hes not on the table with the apples in his mouth instead of on his body and also wondering why the "dish ran away with the spoon"........hummmmmmm
ParentesPizza
This was Michael Jacksons latest vision he was working on....thank god he died.
Brittneyward
ever wonder these days about how society lets phychos out of the loonie bin
cdizzy
This pig played Babe. Let this be a cautionary lesson for child actors everywhere.
Brittneyward
RUN! ITS MICHAEL MYERS PSYCHO TWIN! MICHAEL M"OINK"ERS! AHHHHHHHHHHH! *FALLS OVER NOTHING* thats how it happens in the movie the white girl always falls over nothing while runnin from a killer...
imnew
"We're too late, he's in the last stage of swine flu" "But we can save him!" "No we can't! Let him go steve...let him go"
Batman?
To Yesterday's winner Despite a popular term for sex being porking, it isn't this
jimdocusa
That's funny. At the Chinese New Year's parade I'd expect a little more cat head costumes.
Merkabah23
"The Hop Poles" probably sells beer made from hops. Ya think? Stop voting for that guy.
dannyboy4
I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll... Eat that God damn wolf that blew down my first two houses.
failatlife
What caught my eye was that hawt looking broad in the background... The one with the wings. At least I think she's a girl.
Pieter
Ok...I wanted to go to the beach, and instead got dressed up as a pig holding a giant knife and fork. How did I manage to misapply the steps of a simple plan to such a degree?
Pieter
John...I know that women are turned on by a guy with a sense of humor...but do you really want this pic in your match.com page?
Kamikaze Phoenix
If I could find that swine-a and that silverware she'd found, I'd bend up all that silverware and slop her down...
trask64801
Tha tha tha thats all forks. Me and my big friggin knife hope you think tha tha thats funny.
Cath
No, you don't understand... This is just my day job! I'm really a games designer...
piet9007
the popular, annual "lord of the flies" festival starts again in Enfield. Only 1 person is due to be stoned to death this year.
CptKrunch
The Cirque De Soleil version of 'Lord of The Flies' totally missed the point...
akagugo
Mommy, if I start seeing a pig dressed up in traditional asian clothes holding a giant knife and a giant fork in each hand, does it mean that my medication should be doubled...?
misterq
In the original ending, two weeks after the knife ran away with the spoon, the knife came back with a fork of loose morals and a little pig that was into the whole cutlery thing.
evilpickles
Look how that guy is dressed. Tacky as hell. I mean who wears socks and flip-flops?
mjcracked
When pigs fly! Oh, wait, I mean, when pigs walk around the streets with a giant knife and fork!
ridley95
"...and this little piggy will come and eat your fucking head if you don't stop making me read you stories, Jimmy."
rockemsockem
in an attempt to raise money for charlotte's meth rehab, wilbur is forced to take on a day job
LichKing
"No one's even remarked on my apple-pattern blouse and pantaloon set. Sigh... I don't accessorize well."
GhostRunner
I wonder what that spider wrote in its web for them to let Wilbur go out and do this.
l3illythek1d
If you baby comes out like a pig, armed to the teeth with giant kitchen utensils, it's probably a good time to stop taking acid.
Murdock
And this was meant to be the 'westernized' and 'touristy' Japanese street parade
jokeface
Wilbur walked the streets aimlessly after being suspended from school under the zero-tolerance policy.
drushjones
Once again, PETA has developed a new tool to make pork seem less appealing to the public: fear.
ScottAldridge
And with the off-chance of getting human-flu, the pigs decided to eat them all.
orangeban
(Scene 1 summary) Pig in terror as burger van approaches. Pig equips hilariously oversized kitchen utensils held together by duct tape.
Charlie1224
"Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle the cow went over the moon... to fight this abomination!"
Charlie1224
"Porky the pig finally convinced the genie to make his dream come true... to turn him into a cannibal and eat her."
Charlie1224
"Tonight on Dateline to Catch a Porker, are your children safe from gaint freaks of nature?
Charlie1224
"I'm going to get you, kill you, then eat you, you'll be scrum-diddly-umptous."
Charlie1224
"Welcome Earthlings we our your new masters, we have come to skewer you in our human stew."
Charlie1224
"Porky the pig was only the first, pretty soon his alein friends strted taking over our world and enslaving people."
SumBoddy
SyFy is really scraping the bottom of the barrel for new monster movies to show
lynnkeefe
With Talim's alternate costume and weapons, Namco realizes that they may've finally gotten too weird.
guava
What part of the camel is he riding? Peta's going to go ape-shit on this guy's ass.
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